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Everyone’s growing tired of me
sxmrxn
Posts: 12 Settling in
I used to be the loud funny talkative happy girl that everyone liked- I was friends with popular girls. I wasn’t popular- I was a nerd that got a glow up. I have a strict mum who isn’t strict at the same time. I wear a skirt below my knee so you’d easily see that I don’t fit in with the ‘popular chavs’. Recently my best friend of two years ditched me overnight and started hanging out with a new group- no explanation apart from ‘we’ve drifted apart’. And now all of a sudden I’m a nobody. It’s like my whole worth depended on her. And now I’m nothing. I hide in the toilets at school. I don’t get invited to parties. I just can’t help but think I’m the common denominator. It must be my fault if I don’t have any friends. There must be something wrong with me. As someone who thrives off talking to people who is known as the polite happy girl. It’s killing me. I have to keep that happy face on so people don’t ask me if I’m okay. And it’s so painful. I just wish I was like them. I’d be liked. I’d have a boyfriend. I’d be invited to parties. I feel like shit. And my bulimia is my only comfort.
I can’t tell anyone I physically can’t because then the teachers will tell my mum- and it’s nearly the end of the school year anyway. I’m just so alone.
I can’t tell anyone I physically can’t because then the teachers will tell my mum- and it’s nearly the end of the school year anyway. I’m just so alone.
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Comments
Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like your going through a really difficult time at school and navigating changing friendships. I know this can be really hard as I have also experienced difficult friendship groups at school, but I just want to let you know it is not your fault that you are struggling with friendships and there is nothing wrong with you. This time in life can be difficult as we are all changing and trying to find out who we are, so I just want to let you know you are not alone.
A perspective that has always helped me when I start to doubt myself is that just because someone does not see your value doesn't mean your aren't valuable. You are inherently worthy just the way you are, and most of all it isn't your job to prove you are loveable by being yourself the right people will find you. It can take time to find our people and I know that sucks but it will get better and you will find your people.
It is also completely ok to not be ok, I am sorry you feel like you have to put this brave, happy face on, you are completely allowed to go through difficult times. It's ok to not always be the happy polite girl and that doesn't say anything about your character.
I am so proud of you for reaching out on here, and I know it can be daunting but sometimes reaching out for help can really be beneficial, do you have a school counsellor you could contact or some other form of support you could reach out to?
You've got this, we're here for you.
You don't have to pretend to be okay - it's completely understandable for you to feel the way you do, it's exhausting having to pretend you're okay. As for the bulimia, it's understandable that it feels like such a comfort to you right now, but you don't deserve to carry this alone. I just want you to know you're not alone in this, and you deserve support. We're all proud of you and are here to listen