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TW (Suicidal thoughts, body image) I’m fucking useless (unhinged ramble)

bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 219 Trailblazer
edited April 15 in Health & Wellbeing
Can’t believe I’ve been going to the gym for four years and I’m not doing anything right

I’m fucking useless I should fucking kill myself because I Will never be fucking good enough. I’m a fucking *** and everyone at the gym very likely thinks the same

Can’t believe I had the audacity to even feel confident about what I do at the gym, to the point where I would even record my workouts for validation. Just to look like a fucking moron. And I know everyone at my workplace fucking looks at my routines and think wow what a fucking ***. She’s so fucking ugly and disgusting and never gets anything right lmao

Why do I even fucking try when I’m never good at anything In this fucking world. Even when I try to fix my body, I still doing everything fucking wrong. This is why everyone in this fucking world hates me I’m fucking useless and I’ll always remain as useless in this fucking world holy shit

Why the fuck was I even born in this world just to be fucking worthless I’m not even good at anything and I failed my main goal as a woman, which is to be sexually appealing to me. I hate being a fucking woman. I hate how when you’re born as a woman,your main purpose is to sexually appeal to men. And even I can’t fucking do that. So what the fuck am I going to the gym for.

I’m still an ugly useless sack of shit who should just *** myself alrifjt because I’m never going to get better in life. I’m never going to get better physically or mental and no therapist is gonna fix meX im unfixable im useless I’m fucked I’m doomed I’m worthless I’m hopeless
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Comments

  • eylaheylah Posts: 7,121 Master Poster
    are you safe rn? im sry your dealing with a lot rn but im always a msg away if you ever need someone to talk to. your not alone in this. <3
    ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,626 Boards Guru
    bignosegirly0 wrote: »
    I would even record my workouts for validation. Just to look like a fucking autistic moron.
    What’s that got to do with autism?

    But anyway, things feel hopeless right now but that doesn’t mean things won’t ever get better. You’re not worthless. Nobody is worthless.

    People at the gym are probably more bothered about themselves - how they look, etc. And i dont know what you do for work but I don’t think they care that much about your appearance. I don’t think anyone’s really truly ugly anyway.
    I know it might not feel true, but I think people see you in a much better light than you see yourself.

    What do you mean when you say you’re doing everything wrong trying to fix your body? What are you trying to fix? It doesnt make you useless if it’s not working though.

    There’s so much more to being a woman than being sexually appealing. You should go to the gym for yourself, not for anybody else and definitely not for ‘men’ in general. A man should appreciate you as you are.
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    @eylah im safe. I still feel horrible but not to an extreme level at the moment.
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    @AnonymousToe im autistic. So a lot of the times, I’m doing things wrong and I end up looking stupid.

    Because beauty overstimulation is ruining beauty standards for women and are becoming higher every second, the ideal body type for woman is to have a dramatic hourglass shape (big bust, small waist, big ass etc)

    And I hate how Lanky I am. I hate my small breasts and ass and I just look like an ‘s’ from the side, rather than an hourglass. I hate myself for not being good enough for men’s standards
  • LilyLily Community Manager Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    Hey @bignosegirly0 ,

    I'm just checking in to see how you are doing. Thank you so much for sharing that with us, it was really brave of you to be so open about what is going on for you at the moment.

    I'm hearing that you are feeling a lot of pressure from yourself, and from society, about how you should look, and its having a big affect on your body image. It's sounding like this is bringing up emotions of frustration and impacting your self worth. This seems serious and we are hear to listen to you, and support you. You are right, there are really high and unreasonable expectations on women's beauty - it can feel so all-consuming to constantly be chasing after that. Your feelings in this are so valid. I just wanted to echo what Toe was saying, that a lot of the time, people are more concerned about themselves, than about how you look. I'm curious to know how this makes you feel?

    I also am hearing a lot of serious sounding emotions about your self worth at the moment, how are you feeling now? I wanted to let you know that you are not worthless or useless. We are all so proud of you here at the Mix and always here to support you.

    Take care.
  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 219 Trailblazer
    @Lily hey, thankfully I’m feeling better today than yesterday.

    It’s difficult for me to process the fact that others are more worried about how they look, rather than worrying about how others looks, because I’m still dwelling on my past negative experiences that proves I have no worth, based on my physical flaws.
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