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(TW SH and Suicide) Had enough 😒
Lottie5433
Posts: 591 Incredible Poster
I really hate everything 😒
Had a breakdown after work on Friday then again yesterday.
TW
I know tomorrow during my wellbeing video call with my therapist I should tell him all this but what is the actual point - i know his response anyway. I'll just waste his time like usual.
Ive genuinely had enough with everything
I dont see an actual point
I'm a disappointment and a failure in all parts of life
Had a breakdown after work on Friday then again yesterday.
TW
Relapsed with my self harm again - I'm such a disappointment to everyone, I can't even keep a simple promise 😕
Ended up going minor injuries coz of it and I'm scared/apprehensive/conflicted if I tell my parents about this - if I do it will make things feel worse, if I don't they will think they've failed me. Why does this feel so difficult to do?
Contacted SHOUT multiple times in the last week because SI was intense. Still is.
Ended up going minor injuries coz of it and I'm scared/apprehensive/conflicted if I tell my parents about this - if I do it will make things feel worse, if I don't they will think they've failed me. Why does this feel so difficult to do?
Contacted SHOUT multiple times in the last week because SI was intense. Still is.
I know tomorrow during my wellbeing video call with my therapist I should tell him all this but what is the actual point - i know his response anyway. I'll just waste his time like usual.
Ive genuinely had enough with everything
I dont see an actual point
I'm a disappointment and a failure in all parts of life
- home
- personal
- work
- social
wish everything would stop
i do feel safe currently
i do feel safe currently
Post edited by Katie on
4
Comments
i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. i want you to know that you’re NOT a disappointment, and you’re definitely not a failure, no matter what your mind is telling you right now. you’ve been struggling, but you’re still here, still reaching out, still fighting. that takes so much strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it!!
i’m really proud of you for contacting shout when things got overwhelming. that’s not a small thing, that’s you choosing to keep going, even when it feels impossible, and i know it’s scary to think about telling your parents or your therapist, but we’re all here for you, whatever you decide to do.
you’re not wasting anyone’s time. your pain is real, and you deserve support. i know it probably doesn’t feel like it right now, but things can get better, even if it’s just one small step at a time. please keep holding on, you matter more than you know.
please do reach out if you’re feeling unsafe, you are so so deserving of support!
you’ve got this, i believe in you
Your not a failure or nuisance! You matter! Please do be honest during your wellbeing call tomorrow- hope that goes well for you?
I knoe hoe hard things are at work for you and it seems like your stuck on how to progres from that situation but please know that situation doesn't define you- you are worthwhile!
Sorry for delayed responses, just know i have read all your kind words and appreciate every word. i'll follow this with individual comments because i want to acknowledge each of you because it means a lot having people who barely know mw online, show me more support and comfort than i get in real life.
➡️ what can i say, every time i read your message it makes me teary, but also inside i feel like your not talking about me 😔. i really dont want to tell my parents about any of this particularly about minor injuries coz it will just make them worried 😔. i feel like i waste everyones time coz nothin ever gets better or more manageable. it means alot to me to have someone say they "believe in me" and that "ive got this" - especially from someone who only know me online - i dont ever get told that irl.
➡️ it may feel like you dont know what to say that will make things better for me, but thats the opposite; everything you have said means alot coming from someone online 🙂. Having someone say they are "proud" of me and that "im doing my best given the circumstances" is just what i need at times. I havent had anyone say anything remotely like this since leaving uni and not having my support network there anymore 😔. I genuinely appreciate everything you've wrote considering you only know me online, i just wish i had people like you that would say these things to me irl.
➡️ Thank you again for your support and comments on my threads, i appreciate every word you say. 🙂. i would possibly would have been honest during my wellbeing call but it didn't happen - but i don't mind coz my therapist would have just said the same thing he always does anyway🙄. Yes things at work have been hard and has probably got me feeling stuck. Thank you again.
No it didn't, think my therpaist forgot coz hes been on annual leave for 2 weeks and technically I'm not under him anymore. He was just filling the gap whilst I await CEDT, coz ED health nurse kept raising concerns for my wellbeing.
Well I assume that's what's happened anyway as 2 weeks ago he said he'd call me but 🤷🏽♀️
Yes I remember aboit the therapist filling in gap. Ph okay so you don't actually know why it didn't happen, your just presuming his forgotten. Hopefully he'll remember and call soon. If not, do you have a contact for him can you just politely remind him or even just check if the wellbeing calls wil still happen?.
Yeah im just presuming he's forgotten but idk 🤷🏽♀️. See I do have a contact for him either email (which goes to the whole team) or phone (which is his works number) but it feels awkward to contact him and ask about them. I dont mind if they dont happen tbh, like the ED health nurse seemed to believe i was fine and she was the one to arrange them coz she was worried/concerned.
But then it also might be coz I have an assessment date with CEDT now so maybe he's just stopped because of that 🤔
always here for you no matter what