Most intense cry of my life.

Riley_2001

This evening I cannot describe the pain I felt in my chest and heart. A cry to the point of laying in bed, curled up, knees up to my chest and cuddling a teddy bear, because I have nobody. It was horrible. I’m sure I’ll cry again soon. (I am safe and haven’t or won’t harm myself)

The pain of my life has made me softer, quieter, gentler, kinder, more understanding and patient... yet weak, sad and desolate. My unheld hands as cold as the recent snow, yet soft like clouds. With each step I am reminded of my failures, forever moving forward but never actually moving. Each crunch of snow that I walked in, i hear a similar sound to that of how my heart feels and sounds. My heart still beats, but just like my voice it's not loud, A gentle whisper of warmth surrounding the cold depression that fills my lungs. May someone find beauty in my weak softness.

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Comments

AnonymousToe

I’m so sorry 🫂 we’re here for you. We don’t want you to have nobody so we’ll stick here and support you

I really hope things get easier for you soon

Riley_2001

@AnonymousToe Im okay… thank you. 🫂 But I hope you’re okay too, I saw your recent post about the troubles you’re facing. We are all here for you, to support you and cheer you on from afar. We may not be physically in your corner, but we are always there for you. 🖤

eylah

your not alone you have us here at the mix we are always here for you no matter what. i hope you managed to get some sleep and i hope today is kinder to you.

Sian321

Hey @Riley_2001 , I just wanted to say that last night sounds extreamly hard, and that pain in your chest and heart was really overflowing. That sounds like such an intense and lonely expereince to have gone through, and I'm so glad you're able to share with us here.

If you feel comfortable saying, where do you feel that pain was coming from for you? What was it 'saying'?

Also, I feel really moved by your description of how you have managed to hold onto your 'softness' through the pains of your life. That can be extreamly difficult, not to harden or build walls when we're hurt. How beautiful that you allow yourself to feel like this, even when its loud

Riley_2001

@Sian321 Hey Sian. The pain was just a build up of all my loneliness and internal sadness. It was a firm reminder of how truly alone I am, but also a reminder of how capable I am and that I still do everything anyway, even on my own. Yet, I just feel very weak. I feel like I’m too soft and sensitive for this world. It makes me a very weak person in its ways.

I hope you have a lovely weekend. ☺️

Also @eylah Thank you for the kind words and support, I truly appreciate it and I hope you’re doing okay with everything going on with you. 🖤

Redemption

Im so sorry you're struggling right now but like other people are saying we're here for you. Im here if you need to pm anyone too. I really hope things get better for you soon.

shannon_164

we’re always here for you @Riley_2001 🩷✨

Riley_2001

@shannon_164 Thank you, you’re as sweet as always.

@TheNightmare Thank you for the kind words and support. I’m feeling okay since, it was just an awful evening and night. The same goes to you, if you ever need someone. ☺️

Summerjune15

You don’t deserve pain or to feel like this from what I’ve seen your really kind plus your not alone you’ve got the mix🫶🏻

Riley_2001

@Summerjune15 Thank you.🫶Much love to you.

Summerjune15

I know I’ve commented before and I’m sorry for commenting again but I just get how you feel but I’m sort of a different way I just wish I had a normal brain you know I wish I didn’t have ADHD or ASD then I would be able to communicate verbally (it’s complicated I can’t talk verbally until I trust the person it’s stupid I know but it’s just the way I am) also I would be able to make friends I’m just sick of my brain and wish I was normal that way I can stop feeling so isolated sorry for this rant but I understand how you feel just in a sort of different way (also I saw someone about my age sitting on his own eating food I felt awful for him but maybe he likes being on his own but on the other side maybe he was feeling like I was) jeez I need to stop rambling sorry but I 100% understand how you feel

Riley_2001

@Summerjune15
Please talk all you want. ☺️ I’m sorry to hear about your struggles with ADHD and ASD. It’s not stupid either to not be able to talk verbally until you trust a person. Thats nothing to be ashamed about and it’s certainly not silly. Our brains can certainly make us feel so isolated and alone. But we’re never truly alone in this world. I can understand how you feel, especially feeling isolated and alone. Keep trying and keep your heart open. Making friends takes time, especially making ones that will understand you and accept you for who you are.

I hope you’re okay. ☺️