Random Vent

I don’t usually share how I feel, ever. :’) I think the only place I would feel comfortable sharing is on here, via discussion boards. I don’t know why, it feels easier.

I’m so exhausted right now, with all the worry and chaos that’s going on. My ocd is really bad and has been for years, I’ve broken 3 phones this month (not like super expensive ones i usually just buy cheap expensive replacements) because im just a mess. I hear a word, see something on my phone that’s related to ocd and past events that aren’t nice I freak and have to clean it loads, and clean everything around me over and over again to make things okay, and prevent things my head says will happen if I don’t. Its happened for years and its exhausting. I have talked to people in the past, but it’s my fault why I can’t get better. I can’t say the truth, can’t say what its on. Either its too embarrassing or its personal, things that have happened to me in the past that I cannot share and it feels awful, i feel so trapped with it all.

I recently quit college, I had hope I could actually do something good, for once. Just make people proud. but I failed. OCD prevents me from leaving the house most of the time. It never stops, if it’s not washing things its counting, its repeating phrases in my head, switching things on and off, walking a certain way, tapping things. Just anything my head says it doesn’t stop its exhausting. Lots of the time I cant leave the house, I couldn’t attend school for nearly 3 years at high school. Now bye bye college ;/ people don’t realise how bad ocd can be. It’s always “im so ocd” when people talk about liking things clean and neat, but its so so much more than that.

It’s just my life at this point, if i try not listen to them I become so overwhelmed, harm myself more, I start feeling physically sick and cant get the feelings and thoughts off for days.

Thank you for listening,
If anyone else reading this has ever experienced ocd im sending you a massive hug 🫂💜 its a horrible thing to go through