Often feeling like an out of place child or just kind of weird

Zaracookie · October 2023

I am 24, I did a film degree, never attempted to enter the industry. Worked in a care home which was just agonisingly stressful for like the last two years. I recently got a job in a coffee shop after a few failed interviews trying to get into positions with more progression (admin etc).

I just feel like I need to give this back ground as context. I feel and have felt for quite a while like a complete alien. I kind of feel like a stupid toddler, incapable in an adult workplace. I think it sort of stems from the fact that o do have a genetic condition that impaired my eye sight and hearing to a degree. I was also the youngest child. So sure I was a bit over protected. I feel like even as an adult these poor staff are having to treat me like an extremely shy 16 y/Ø who doesn’t know up from down. I feel annoying. I notice that my current manager really has to take a kind of ridiculously motherly sort of role to help me. I had one experience in retail before where they just didn’t have the time of day for me so I guess at least this is slightly more positive than that.

I really desperately want to feel like a confident functioning human who can go about independently in the workplace. I often feel the need to overshare about how I am nervous to do stuff or how I messed something up. I am trying to pass my driving test (that’s a whole other thing). And after that maybe I can put money toward some actual therapy. I just feel like I’ve hit a complete brick wall. I don’t feel I can progress career wise atm. I’m already so embarrassed by how I’ve acted in front of customers with this new job. I seem to struggle with super basic stuff.

Sherlock · October 2023

Hi Zaracookie,

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way, as a recent grad myself I can completely sympathise with how you are feeling. The work world feels like a daunting world and I feel, as you described it, as an out of place child, and that's just from interviews, I haven't even found a job yet!

Try to be kinder to yourself though, you've continued to make big steps in your life despite feeling like you cant. The people you work with also started off somewhere, no one is a pro at anything straight away! 24 is so young and you have years and years to progress in your career if that's what you want to do.

Also, you should be incredibly proud of yourself for learning to drive, that is a huge achievement that many people do not or cannot achieve and for that you should take pride in just learning a new skill, let alone getting behind the wheel of a car!

If you feel like therapy is something that would help you could always look around for free/cheap opportunities from local charities or the NHS. Therapy can be very expensive and sometimes there is ways to reduce the cost or get free help. You could try researching opportunities close to you with mental health charities like 'Mind' or if you feel able, talk to your GP and see if they can offer any support.

Wishing you the best

sputnik · October 2023

Hi @Zaracookie ,
I feel like I can relate to the 'complete alien' and 'child in an adult world' feelings

Sounds like you're way more capable than you give yourself credit for, it takes a lot to work somewhere for two years when it's causing you immense stress, and it sounds like you've been really proactive in looking for jobs as well. I really understand how overwhelming it feels when your brain is telling you all kinds of negative things about yourself. Sounds like therapy would be something worth considering, as you say

it can really help to have someone you can explore different perspectives with, and who will listen without judgement.
Sorry I can't seem to formulate much of a reply right now, my brain's a bit fried, but I send you a hug

Terry8936 · October 2023

@Zaracookie It can be hard when feeling this way, but your self-awareness and your determination to improve your situation is nice. It's not uncommon to feel like you're lacking confidence or struggling in the workplace, especially when you're still relatively new to the job.

You can build your confidence and improve your performance at work by:

1. Setting Realistic Goals: Break down your job tasks into smaller, achievable goals. Focus on mastering one task at a time. This can help you track your progress and build confidence step by step.

2. Improving Communication Skills: Good communication is essential in any job. You can work on this by practicing your communication skills in everyday interactions. Try to be more concise and clear when talking to colleagues and customers.

3. Mistakes Are Learning Opportunities: Understand that everyone makes mistakes, especially in a new job. Instead of being embarrassed by them, view them as opportunities for growth. Learn from your errors and strive to improve.

4. Asking for Feedback: Don't hesitate to ask your manager for feedback on your performance. This can give you insight into your strengths and areas where you can improve.

5. Building Confidence Outside of Work: Engage in activities outside of work that boost your self-esteem. This can include hobbies, sports, or volunteering. Success and competence in other areas of life can spill over into your professional life.

It's important to remember that many people, regardless of their background, experience some level of uncertainty and insecurity when starting a new job or trying to develop new skills. With time, practice, and a supportive network, you can grow your self-confidence and feel more at ease in your workplace.

Often feeling like an out of place child or just kind of weird

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