I do not like myself

Hello.

I do not like myself. This feeling has stayed with me for a long time. I want to like myself, but it is difficult, and I feel hopeless. I think people do not like me anytime I walk on the bus. The following experiences have made me feel that others' opinions of me define my identity and determine the love I receive from others. They have also made me think that I get singled out for special attention. My first university mentor told me I am a lovely student, but I am too hard on myself sometimes and would offer me frequent reassurance. It felt like he made a definitive statement about who I am. My last university mentor saw me at an art exhibition, which came across as glossing over my feelings about the opinions he provided in our sessions. A student sent me a request to connect with her on LinkedIn, which came across as ignoring how her feedback made me feel. The mentor and student's behaviour felt patronising. A helpline volunteer told me it was a shame I did not utilise my creative talent at home, which chimed with other people's opinions of me. In other words, it felt like he carried the same view others had of me. My female friend offered frequent reassurance whenever I shared how I felt with her, which felt like she defined my character by that. A teammate from a personal development programme would tell me to sit with him and the others and draw attention to my quietness. These situations came across as him patronising me in front of the others. Another teammate from the programme never spoke to me, which felt personal. A former mentoring manager on the programme thought I was modest about my skills, which felt like he attacked my character.