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Broken
Millicento_
Posts: 35 Boards Initiate
I literally just feel broken.
Cruising home alone whilst just wanting to give up on everything because I cannot do this life anymore.
I can’t
I feel I do well when it comes to care for myself just mentally I have no good
I just don’t know anymore
I don’t want to cry in front of anyone nor confide really. I have counselling but I just struggle to trust with some things therefore confide about it.
I don’t want to wake up anymore
Deal with another day and “new” day.
It’s all such a mess and I hate trying to survive
Cruising home alone whilst just wanting to give up on everything because I cannot do this life anymore.
I can’t
I feel I do well when it comes to care for myself just mentally I have no good
I just don’t know anymore
I don’t want to cry in front of anyone nor confide really. I have counselling but I just struggle to trust with some things therefore confide about it.
I don’t want to wake up anymore
Deal with another day and “new” day.
It’s all such a mess and I hate trying to survive
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Comments
I had a skim of some of your other posts and can see you're going through a lot of change and instability, on top of other difficulties you were already managing. My situation wasn't exactly the same but I had a similar thing living with my parents, and I never felt like I had the space and emotional safety I needed to really be me and relax into life. It super sucks.
I'm not sure how helpful this is to hear when you're in the middle of it, but for what it's worth, that sort of discomfort and claustrophobia from living at home won't be forever. This too shall pass.
What does the rest of this week look like for you?
I'm really sorry to hear this. Do you think you could express to your counsellor that you struggle to trust with certain things and therefore are unable to confide? As maybe then they can see other options for support, other forms of communication, other forms of release for you etc.
Life can be so tough. When you are in such a dark place, a place where it is an accomplishment to just complete a day, the whole life ahead of you can be incredibly daunting. You used the phrase 'trying to survive'. There was a time I felt like this, like being unhappy is almost effortless, and experiencing happiness and contentment is something that you have to put a lot of your energy into and have to really try. I feel you too. I used to feel like when I'd go to sleep, I wouldn't want to wake up. Therapy helped me but it was all the self-therapy I continually do that has helped me the most, so when you say you feel you do well to care for yourself, this is an important part. What kind of things do you do to care of yourself?
Is there anything you can do to work on trust? When I had a broken heart, it was very closed, and I did a lot of meditations and visualisations on opening it up, which really helped me. There could be guided mindfulness meditation on YouTube on building trust. Finding the reasons why you find it hard to trust could be an insightful starting point.
Life can be overwhelming, but one day at a time.
Be gentle with yourself