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Been feeling down recently
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It sounds like there is a lot going on for you right now, and you have been imagining situations that have sometimes been helpful, but sometimes hurt your feelings - would that be fair to say? I am wondering if, when you have these thoughts, you have ever shared them with someone you trust? It’s a lot to hold in your head by yourself if not.
It sounds like your brother is trying to wind you up - my big brother did a lot of teasing when I was growing up too. Do you want to talk a little more about what you mean by relapsing - is this something in particular you are trying to avoid?