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Struggle with mental health and grief
Chloe234
Community Champion Posts: 2,192 Boards Champion
Hi.
I dont know how to start so im just going to jump straight in. This may be a long post.
As some if you may know i lost my stepmum this year march 28th 2022. Its been a huge struggle if im honest especially loosing my cat a month after (april 28th 2022) and my nan(my stepmums mum) on July 4th. Everyday just passes by one after another yet it still feels like yesterday that it all happened.
Saturday 20th of august 2022 my stepmum and my dad were going to get married. However this all came crashing down on that one day. Im gonna find it really hard on saturday and im not going to know how to feel because i had never called my stepmum my mum and i feel like i wouldve been able to on that day but now i cant. And i feel gulty that i never did. But then i also feel guilty that my dad is going to be struggling and i probably wont be one of the strong ones.
I dont know. My stepmum was amazing. She was always smiling and she was loved by many and now thats gone all of the days driving along in the car blaring bohemian rhapsody by queen or any other queen songs, all the cooking we would do together, the times where my dog nora would wake us two up at 2-3am in the morning needing something then us just sitting in the living room talking about anything to each other and all the heart to hearts we would have with each other. Its all gone. And not once did i say 4 words i regret i didnt. "I love you mum".
She was a mum who finally accepted me for who i was, who helped me with my past trauma, who was there for me.
But its gone. Shes gone. Why cant i accept that?
That wasnt just what i wanted to write this thread for. I wanted to just write about something i dont talk about much anymore, something that plays a big part in my life. My mental health. Where do i start?
My mental health isnt the best at the moment. But its hard. I feel like im supposed to be the strong one whos always there for people. I feel like i need to step in and help even if im not feeling up to it or feeling 100%. I feel like if i hide the pain others wont see that its actually there right?
I feel like its easier to hide the pain and hurt than explain it.
But then its hard because i dont know how i am. I feel numb and empty but its not numb or empty its painful and heavy, its defeating.
I dont know, im rambling now theres so much more i could and want to say but illkeep ot at this as i feel like im starting to burden. Im sorry and if you read this id like to thank you❤️even if i make no sense.
I dont know how to start so im just going to jump straight in. This may be a long post.
As some if you may know i lost my stepmum this year march 28th 2022. Its been a huge struggle if im honest especially loosing my cat a month after (april 28th 2022) and my nan(my stepmums mum) on July 4th. Everyday just passes by one after another yet it still feels like yesterday that it all happened.
Saturday 20th of august 2022 my stepmum and my dad were going to get married. However this all came crashing down on that one day. Im gonna find it really hard on saturday and im not going to know how to feel because i had never called my stepmum my mum and i feel like i wouldve been able to on that day but now i cant. And i feel gulty that i never did. But then i also feel guilty that my dad is going to be struggling and i probably wont be one of the strong ones.
I dont know. My stepmum was amazing. She was always smiling and she was loved by many and now thats gone
all of the days driving along in the car blaring bohemian rhapsody by queen or any other queen songs, all the cooking we would do together, the times where my dog nora would wake us two up at 2-3am in the morning needing something then us just sitting in the living room talking about anything to each other and all the heart to hearts we would have with each other. Its all gone. And not once did i say 4 words i regret i didnt. "I love you mum".She was a mum who finally accepted me for who i was, who helped me with my past trauma, who was there for me.
But its gone. Shes gone. Why cant i accept that?
That wasnt just what i wanted to write this thread for. I wanted to just write about something i dont talk about much anymore, something that plays a big part in my life. My mental health. Where do i start?
My mental health isnt the best at the moment. But its hard. I feel like im supposed to be the strong one whos always there for people. I feel like i need to step in and help even if im not feeling up to it or feeling 100%. I feel like if i hide the pain others wont see that its actually there right?
I feel like its easier to hide the pain and hurt than explain it.
But then its hard because i dont know how i am. I feel numb and empty but its not numb or empty its painful and heavy, its defeating.
I dont know, im rambling now theres so much more i could and want to say but illkeep ot at this as i feel like im starting to burden. Im sorry and if you read this id like to thank you❤️even if i make no sense.
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Comments
I just wanted to mention that in terms of grief, it can be very hard dealing with the loss of a loved one. I can understand how hard it must be not having your stepmum around. I am also aware that tomorrow was going to be your stepmum's and dad's wedding. I can understand how hard it must be processing that the wedding would have been tomorrow. I have deep condolenses and sympathy for you. I noticed you mentioned about feeling a sense of guilt and that you have to be strong for everyone else in your family. That must be very draining at times. But you don't have to feel guilty about not being strong enough. Grief can affect us in many ways and it can be hard too when you have had a very close relationship with someone.
Grief can have a massive toll on our mental health as it can impact how we feel everyday. It can be very hard to process and understand at times, but I just wanted to say that you don't have to feel bad about your mental health and how you have been feeling. This is because, it is a very natural thing to go through and feel. Grief is a human feeling that most people go through a lot. Losing a loved one can be the hardest thing anyone could go through in their life. It can be scary at times too.
I don't know if this might help but I wanted to share something on grief here. I know how hard it can be losing someone you really loved and trusted. But eventhough they may seem gone or lost, they will remain forever in our hearts. I believe a person is not truly gone, but that they live on in us. I bet your stepmum is looking down on you proud and she would pleased with how far you have come. I don't think she would want you to be worrying or for you to feel guilty. I think she would want you to know that it is totally okay to feel the way you are feeling at this time.
I can understand how draining and hard it must be having to hide or mask your emotions all the time especially from family members. I know the feeling of having to mask emotions and it can be hard and stressful. However, sometimes when we open up to others, it can be nice to have a listening ear there for you. I know it is easier said than done, but when the time comes and when you feel ready, don't be afraid of reaching out to others or even a close family member. There will always be someone there for you who will be willing to listen and support you through this time.
I dont know if this might also be a helpful thing to do or if it might make you feel a bit better, but have you thought about making a memory box?. You could possibly fill it with photos or things that remind you of your stepmum. These memories could possibly bring back happy memories of times that you spent together.
I am always here if you a listening ear or someone to be there for you. I am giving you a massive virtual hug and I have deep sympathy for you too.
Sending a big massive virtual hug,
Amy22
Its just hard because today i wouldve officially been able to call her my mum and it was ripped away from me
Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing? Sorry to hear you are struggling. It's really positive that you are opening up and seeking support. We are all here for you
Sending hugs
"Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"
I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
You are really brave. It sounds tough that your aunt, uncle and cousin got into a crash. It sounds like although none of them got hurt it rose so much emotion for you.
Would anything, in particular, make this feel more manageable for you at the moment? We are here for you if you would like to share more with us
Amy22
Just wanted to check in to see how you are doing?
When we are struggling it can sometimes feel like things wont get better, but things can get better it sometimes just takes time. It's so positive that you are reaching out for support on here, and we care about you.
There isn't a time frame on grief and everyone is different.
Sending hugs
"Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"
I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
As well as share this quote which has been a comfort to me through grief -
Take good care x
Losing those closest to you is awful beyond words. It sounds like you and your step mum were very close, I can hear it in the way you talk about what you miss. You've been through so much in such a short space of time. More grief than an adult should have in their lifetime. Despite it all, your thoughts seem to be that you have to be strong for others. For your dad. That's a quality of a truly good person and I think both he and your step mum would be proud of you for it. But you're only human, it's okay for you to be upset, to be numb and to need support of your own. You deserve it.
When it comes to losing people, I don't have all the answers, I wish I did. I actually don't know if there is a definitive answer. But the main thing I've learned is that sharing the burden with somebody else lessens it for both. It's natural to think that trying to talk to someone about your grief is going to dredge up that pain for them aswell. But in reality it's always comforting to have someone that feels and understands what you're going through. Do you talk to your dad at all about your step mum? I think it might help you both.