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I genuinely cannot do this anymore (tw. suicide, depression)

orangejuiceorangejuice Posts: 18 Settling in
in Health & Wellbeing
I think there is a high likelihood I am depressed and have been depressed for a long time
It is so bad that I have been hospitalised on an overdose after reaching my breaking point
Those thoughts have been in the back of my head ever since then and they never truly go away
I just think what is the point if i have to live the remainder of my life this way
If I killed myself I would be free of everything that is making me miserable
I don't want to have to do this
I want to be happy but i just cant no matter what i do
I'm trying to seek help but I just don't know what to do anymore

I've had numerous counsellors and none of it has worked because I just feel like i'm not in the right place for therapy and just therapy alone to help me
I just want to stop feeling so depressed that i can barely think
it constantly feels like im drowning and I just literally cant do this anymore
I'm scared to go to the gp again as I know people under 18 aren't likely to be prescribed anti-depressants
and i feel like they're just going to shove me on another waiting list for counselling which hasnt helped me at all
i try to do the things like exercising taking care of myself but it all just amounts to nothing and i just want to die i just literally cannot do this anymore

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    Kate_20Kate_20 Posts: 653 Incredible Poster
    Hey @orangejuice Sorry to hear that you are struggling with depression and you feel like you are at the end of your tether. I want to let you know that you are not alone and so many people are battling with suicidal feelings including me. Finding the right counsellor can be hard and I haven't found one that worked for me. Depression is draining and I feel you. May I ask if you have a suicide plan? We all care about you on this platform and you can always reach Samaritans on 116123 or CALM on 0800585858. You can also keep on talking here and we are here to listen.
    Tengo el alma en cuarentena y roto el cuerpo
    Qué dolor, qué pena y qué tormento
    El Kanka - Lo mal que estoy y lo poco que me quejo
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    orangejuiceorangejuice Posts: 18 Settling in
    @Kate_20 not in particular
    i just have this idea in my head that if i try everything and i can never be happy in the way i want that i just dont want to be alive anymore
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    StellalunaStellaluna Posts: 62 Boards Initiate
    @orangejuice Is there anything you know of and feel comfortable sharing, that you think is contributing to these feelings or do you not know specifically where they come from?

    Have you told anyone in your social circle about these suicidal thoughts, or do you find yourself becoming more isolated? How is school/college?

    When depressed it is not uncommon to think things will never get better, but this is not necessarily true. I am proud of you for reaching out and trying to improve your situation. It sounds like things have been difficult for you and we are here for you. You can get through this. Don’t hesitate to contact us when you are feeling low. As mentioned above the Samaritans are available 24/7 and you can always text ‘THEMIX’ on 85258 if it’s a crisis. Papyrus are also worth checking out for suicidal thoughts and can be contacted by phoning 0800 068 4141 or texting 07860 039967. More information can be found: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/#
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