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You were just a kid
I was just a kid,
Constantly being told to die,
I was just a kid,
Whose mother threatened suicide.
I was just a kid who was trying to get by,
I was just a kid trying to keep her mother alive,
I was just a kid!
A kid in the dark,
A kid scared for her life,
A kid who used knifes.
Yes, I was just a kid
And I fucking survived.
I can see the emotions behind it and honestly, it's comforting.
*Trig warning*
Darkness
I used to be lost and scared,
Searching for something far out there,
But all I could see was darkness and smoke,
Hissing in the distance and ready to revoke,
I gave it some space just watching it float,
Then it starts to get a little too close.
It craws up my arms,
And tightens my chest,
It hushes my screams,
And crushes my breath.
The more I struggle the worst it gets.
My vision goes,
And my knees fall to the deck.
I lay there thinking about what’s next,
Oh, please just let it be death.
I’m not quite awake,
Still held in a foggy state,
Like drifting from reality to outa space.
Wondering between the lines of real and fake,
Where the world keeps spinning
And the face of time escapes.
I lose myself... to this empty place.
Where feelings get taken,
And minds get broken.
Where the darkness and confusion thrive on pain,
Until nothings left but an empty chain.
So please… just walk away,
Because I'm fighting enough as it is today.
Thank you and well done for continuing to write and share your poems. I hope writing is helpful for you. If anyone wants to talk about anything, please know we are all here for one another. I am really glad this is a safe and supportive space for writing
A child’s ghost in an adult’s body
Alone
Screaming in the dark
Waiting for somebody
Anybody…
Thank you for the comment, glad you like it, I feel like there should be a little something added to it but a bit unsure, nothing really felt right
I love the quote you have, about not doubting yourself
And thank you for noticing my 'quote', I literally came up with it myself today so I'm so glad someone likes it
Btw I also love your quote from your profile!
Just know if u ever change ur mind that we'd love to read them
Breathe in. Breathe out
Don't forget who you are
Nothings real in your here and now
Used to be an angel, now a fallen star
Not even in your own skin
Lost between heaven and hell
You're heart became so paper thin
You fall apart. But you cannot tell.
No words left inside your mind
You drift away inside all your pain
You've gone somewhere no one could find
Comfort in the pouring rain
I don't think I could ever explain
What it feels like to dissociate
Nothings real, trapped in those chains
Broke me into someone that I hate
Little me:
I don’t need to be protected,
I’m strong,
I look after my mum.
I don’t need to feel safe,
I’m brave,
I chase the fear away.
I don’t need to be loved,
I’m not a child,
As long as everyone else is ok.
Today me:
Oh honey, If only you knew, it wasn’t meant to be that way.
Baby, I love you, keep going, keep believing, keep hoping, keep holding on.
We’ll be ok… someday.
It was tough and scary,
No, it was pain staking and terrifying.
Or maybe it was even… even worse than words can describe.
Hell on earth.
consumed, in a little girls mind.
How am I, right now?
I just want to hide and close my eyes.
Because inside, I’ve seen death a thousand times,
A graveyard of hopes and dreams,
Of disappointments and made-up memories… that never seem to stay buried.
I tried to join them once.
When I wasn’t even yet ten years old.
A warm bath.
To see how long I could hold my breath,
With no intention of keeping count.
I wouldn’t do it now of course.
It doesn’t make any sense,
The people it’d hurt,
It’s just like passing on the pain.
A darkness spreading like the plague.
Just a name, one amongst a million?
Or a pain, a burden taking up too much oxygen?
Am I just someone to blame?
Or someone to soak up all the rage to just get ignored once again?
Maybe, I’m just someone who’s been trained to have no emotion,
No reaction, no facial expression.
A blank being, for you to personalize yourself.
A caretaker?
A cleaner?
A sister… a daughter?
And once the part is played… just simply toss me away.
Until the day I can see.
Because I know there’s better things ahead,
Then the monsters inside of me.
The devil in my mother’s eyes,
The screams my sister cried,
The hate I had for my life,
Trapped inside a house,
Full of secrets and lies,
Where you had to run to survive.
It’s all still a memory,
Living in my mind,
Haunting me daily.
But I’ll show no signs,
Because of course everything is totally fine.
At times I can’t breath,
But I don’t gasp for life,
I just sit quietly,
And hold onto whatever oxygen is left within me.
I am in your fears,
No one can see me,
And no one can hear.
You can try to run,
You can try to fight,
But I’ll be here forever,
Especially at night.
Sometimes you’ll think,
That I’ve gone away,
That you might even see, a little bright light,
But I'll just sit there,
Ready to laugh,
As I pull you away from any hope that you might have had.
To just get a genuine hug?
I know it’s silly, to need such things,
But why does it hurt so badly,
Why does it sting?
If you could just tell me,
How to do everything right.
Because it’s so exhausting,
Staying up all night,
Wondering where I went wrong,
And what I should act like,
For you to just see me,
In any kind of light.
I want to hold it close,
It hurt so much…
It doesn’t deserve to just to slip away silently.
It could destroy towns, city’s,
and yet, it’s consumed within me,
held so gently, in a fragile memory.