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Seperating advice LONG POST**
who321
Posts: 1 Just got here
I need some help deciding what to do.ive been with my bf for 10 years and have two small children. Things were great, truly great preparenthood. But honestly I see now we arent made to parent together.
We have basically tolerated each other for the past 4 years.Daily bickering and conflicts. It wasn't so easy to separate before since we had a newborn but more importantly we lived abroad. We finally moved back, for lots of reasons But also we had a chance to purchase my grandparents house for super cheap and reno it.
But this is where im stuck. I KNOW we wont work in the long run, were both so miserable. Without saying it outright but he has mentioned he questions if he did the right thing. But I have no job (neither does he) (ive applied for 160jobs in 5 months.) my money is tied up in the house. If i follow through and finish the house,then split i will end up with nothing and lose the family home, as he is using mostly his and his dads money. and the money from the sale will be my families inheritance. I just can't see a way out.
Not really sure if im asking for advice or just trying to get it out of my head.
We have basically tolerated each other for the past 4 years.Daily bickering and conflicts. It wasn't so easy to separate before since we had a newborn but more importantly we lived abroad. We finally moved back, for lots of reasons But also we had a chance to purchase my grandparents house for super cheap and reno it.
But this is where im stuck. I KNOW we wont work in the long run, were both so miserable. Without saying it outright but he has mentioned he questions if he did the right thing. But I have no job (neither does he) (ive applied for 160jobs in 5 months.) my money is tied up in the house. If i follow through and finish the house,then split i will end up with nothing and lose the family home, as he is using mostly his and his dads money. and the money from the sale will be my families inheritance. I just can't see a way out.
Not really sure if im asking for advice or just trying to get it out of my head.
2
Comments
Some people do find that after having children, their relationship declines. It seems quite stressful for you both to be frequently arguing, and I imagine that not working and having 2 young children at home, during the pandemic may only make things worse. Would either of you feel comfortable with couples counselling? If you feel it might be worth a try, you can check out Relate | The relationship people
If you both talk and are aware that you will separate, you could strike a deal (maybe in writing or with advice from a solicitor) to buy your grandparents house, do it up and then sell it, split the money and go separate ways.
But if you haven't talked about the future of the relationship, I wouldn't advise purchasing your grandparents house. It wouldn't be fair on either of you, especially if it's your boyfriend's money that will be paying for it.
I'm also wondering about what your parents think about this and whether they have a say in what happens to your grandparents house, or whether they could put you up if you lose the house?
Whatever you decide to do, it sounds like you could do with some legal/financial advice, so you might want to check out Citizens Advice