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Post of the Month - October
So, looks like we're back to lockdown - apparently, we've missed the first one so much, we've got a sequel! If all goes well, we'll be open for business by the next time I'm writing this. Being able to chat and support one virtually on this forum has been important for so many people, but especially so when we're not able to see loved ones in person.
So let's make a real effort to keep the community spirit going - make our new members feel welcome, lend your support if you see someone who needs help, or perhaps reach out to someone you haven't spoken to in a while to check in on them! And of course, make sure to keep nominating the awesome posts so we can celebrate those here. With that said, let's get into this POTM!
What is Post of the Month?
For those of you who aren't familiar with Post of the Month, each month you can nominate threads and replies you've seen on the boards. We then put up a poll and the reply with the most votes wins Post of the Month.
You can nominate a post by flagging it, selecting Report, and then choosing 'Post of the Month nomination' as the reason. It can really make someone's day to know that their comment was so appreciated that they're considered for this, so if you see a post that was particularly helpful, inspiring, moving etc., be sure to nominate it and spread that love around!
Before we share the nominations for this vote, we again want to acknowledge how brave each and every one of you is for reaching out for support. This takes so much courage and we're so proud of you all - this place wouldn't be the same with you
Congratulations to @Distraction, @ThatFelixGuy, @coc0mac, and last month's joint-winner @Anch0r33for winning nominations this month - great work all!
1. Anch0r33 - What Do You Like About Yourself?
Anch0r33 said:Okay you gotta put 3 things that you like about yourself.
I wanna get a bit more positivity going and have people sit and think about the good things about themselves!
It could be anything from liking how you are with your pet or other people or a physical feature such as hair or eyes!
There's no limit to the amount you can have but try to hit at least 3!
I'll start because it would be hypocritical if I didn't.
• I like that I'm doing my Childline training as it will help others.
• I like the colour of my eyes
• I like how I've got a big heart for animals
It's tough to think of these but I had to do an exercise where we had to hit 10!!
Sometimes it's nice to just take some time to think about yourself and appreciate yourself for who you are. It's not selfish to like yourself - because how can you love others if you don't love yourself?
It could even be things you like in the moment of typing for example - I like how I chose to do *this* instead of *this*
I hope people give this a try as it was super worthwhile for me
2. Distraction - Supporting someone struggling
Your not taking up space thats what this is for, you can always come here, your always welcome
I think it's so sweet you wish people a good day, if I was having a bad one and someone said that, I would feel happy that a least one person in the world cared enough to tell me that, It's a nice thing to do
and it's ok to feel the way you do, you don't need a reason, if you feel it, then you feel it and it's ok, the best thing is to talk about it like your doing (hugs)
There seems to be a lot your struggling with and thinking about, have you tried writing some stuff down and tackling one thing at a time (I'm not sure if that's helpful, just incase, thought I'd mention it)
You might be surprised, asking a teacher for help, they might say that one thing you need to hear or give you that one bit of advice that stays with you for life or they might not but you'll never know
(sorry this is a bit short)
3. ThatFelixGuy - Combating Political Outrage
ThatFelixGuy said:This is something I wanted to type up for a while, but politics is super scary and can lead to one of three things
A) A hostile mindset comes into your space and tries to make you the bad guy for not agreeing
B ) You are chastised for not researching enough into issues, and the topic your approaching is rapidly derailed.
C) You actually meet people with an open mind, wanting a discussion.
That third one is super rare, because the vast, hostile climate of politics is one that is pushed tot he front by many different parties. And ultimately, one day you will have to vote - be it a youngster in waiting, or someone just sitting by waiting for the next General Election, you will have to get up and walk to a polling booth at least once in your life.
So I am writing this guide on how to avoid situations A and B, and hopefully you can disarm hostile attackers who want to shoot down your views - remember, spreading information is something in everybody's interest. Outrage and hatred are not.
Disclaimer: I am not pushing for a political agenda here, I personally do not care what policies you agree with, nor do I care what sort of world you want to live in. This guide is essentially to protect yourselves if you ever decide to go political online.
It is fairly simple to get your point across sharply, and precisely without insulting or hurting anyone;
It is that simple! I will provide an example here!
- Present your point. Example; 'Children Should Have Free School Meals'.
- Research, and provide evidence on that topic.
- Let the other party take the ball
- Reply, provide another point to back up.
Me: I think children should have free school meals! I was raised in a council estate house like many children, with parents who were too sick to go to work. My breakfast on a morning was really important to me, and honestly having those meals at school was an important part in my day to day life.
Other Person: The economy is shrinking! We need to reallocate this money to supermarkets and local businesses so we can ALL reap the award, not just some kids from parents who can't work!
Me: Well have you checked the percentage of kids from poor backgrounds going with food at school? X% of children go without, do you really think it is unfair on them to eat nothing whilst these local businesses have grants given to them?
Other Person: The grants are not enough! We should be campaigning for a stronger economy, not partaking in these ludicrous ideas by the opposistion! Do you want our country to fall?
Me: Well, in that case, how about giving pay rises to nurses and teachers during the pandemic?
Other Person: Are you a communist?
Me: *provides in detail more accurate stats and guidance*
Eventually, this conversation will continue until you get to one of three outcomes;
Very rarely (but frightingly more numerous in recent years) you will get called a 'racist' 'fascist' or other names close to your political lean point. This is mainly to goad a reaction and so they can have the upper hand. It is vital you use critical thinking here.
- Outcome A - the other person will walk away, they can't see your points, and it is obvious they are not coming out too well.
- Outcome B - they wash you in insults and petty remarks to goad a reaction. Do not give them a reaction, block and walk away. This is now troll territory.
- Outcome C - you may get a logical response, and possibly an apology from someone who wants to listen to your views. This is what we want to aim for, because having people more aware of issues, may make them friendlier and more relaxed when coming to the table about political issues.
Critical Thinking - looking at a situation and judging all possible outcomes, and not the most obvious one.
I am going to give an example here.
Situation: You go for an interview at a mostly black working company. For the sake of this situation, you are white.
Non-Critical Thinkers: The company is racist.
Critical Thinkers: You may not have had enough experience, your Social media profile was against what the company stood for, you may have had something that goes against what they stand for, or you completely failed at the interview.
So let's translate that to a political situation;
Situation: You support Boris Johnson because he is a strong leader, and completely ignoring the past choices he has done in parliament.
Non-Critical Thinkers: You are supporting Johnson because he spread lies and slander and covered up his campaign trial. Because you support such a heinous man, you are a racist, sexist, bigot.
Critical Thinkers: There may have been candidates other then Johnson that were appealing, but ultimately he was the only one that aligned to your interests that could have got into power. You may also like a particular policy in his manifesto, or the fact he is sticking with Brexit.
Now you can use critical thinking to your advantage during political arguments. This guide is getting a tad too long, so no example here, but you can use this cycle to open up a conversation leading to the three outcomes I said above.
This avoids the tirade and back and forth of using insults to goad reactions and people thinking they have the upper hand.
- Present the outcome
- Give a logical reason to your choice
- Reverse that logical reason the other person gives you
- Repeat with a new reason
I am tired of people saying they have an opinion they think should not be heard. Everybody should have that opinion. And they should be able to explain why without being attacked. But remember, it is important to hear other peoples choices too...they may open up your mind
4. coc0mac - Relationship Advice
coc0mac said:Hey Jamie, welcome to the boards!
Firstly, I understand that that can be a really difficult message to receive, especially when you guys have been getting along so well. So sending hugs your way and I really hope you are doing okay Now, obviously I am not inside of his mind so I cannot know anything for sure. However, I believe it may be too early to judge whether you have lost him completely. Sometimes, when two people are beginning to fall for each other, one person can feel afraid for a whole host of reasons and will send a message like that - they'll retract or back away in some way. Sometimes this really is for good and they'd rather keep as friends, but other times it's simply fear or anxiety creeping up, and in time they do bounce back and it all works out. So with that in mind, I would say at this time try your best not to jump to too many definite conclusions.
It sounds like you have been really supportive which is great to hear and he is very lucky to have your support I think if you can be patient with him and allow him the time to work through his thoughts and figure out what he really wants, that could be good. And take good care of yourself in the mean time - so keeping yourself busy and making sure that you show yourself the amount of love and support that you have shown towards him.
Another key thing in any type of relationship is communication. Your feelings really matter so, maybe after he's had a little time with his thoughts, you might like to check in and see how things are. Just reaching out to see if he's okay to communicate at that time, to make sure that your feelings are cared for too. Communication is key
I really hope that everything works out, and if you'd like any support in any way please remember we are always right here! Take good care x
5. Anch0r33 - A Perspective on the Meaning of Life
Anch0r33 said:Heya Felix,
You explained yourself well. You say that you feel like your life has been a lie and that you think your life is destined to something bigger? It makes a lot of sense feeling like you were supposed to be someone else that could maybe fulfill these destinies.
I don't think it necessarily means there's something wrong with you. Although a personality disorder did pop to mind but after thinking more, I'm not really too sure.
Of course, you cannot be someone else physically, that doesn't mean you can't structure and restructure your life until you get it right and feel happy.
You can change your name, appearance, gender - literally everything to create a new you.
What things did you used to enjoy Vs what do you feel you should be doing?
I also agree with what @errrin wrote - There’s no right way, so you’re supposed to do what’s best for you, what makes you happy but life never goes the way we plan, and it feels even harder when you don’t know what you want in life. And the older we get the harder it feels to change. But the path we pick when we’re young isn’t the one we have to stay on.
I couldn't agree with it more tbh. We gotta try and figure out our own way to go and it's not always easy. Sometimes you gotta make big massive decisions. I decided at the age of 15 that I wanted to move abroad and by the age of 16 I moved abroad alone and I stayed out for 2 years.
Sometimes the decisions you make won't feel right either. Maybe there's a higher reason for them, maybe not. It all depends in what you believe in as a person.
Some people find finding faith can be a good way to lead them to living a good life. I'm not personally religious but I have been to religious schools so I've been exposed to it all.
I used to go to church with my billet mom (basically a foster parent for an athlete who's living abroad or a host family) and although I wasn't religious, it was comforting just being there. I do enjoy church but only for the calm atmosphere.
Sorry I got a little off track there (a bit like life!) But I hope you get the message.
You gotta trial and error to find what's good for you. Think about what you wanna do with your life. Write down any options and do some research. When you find the right thing, it should excite you and you should wanna tell everyone about that. When you get that feeling you're more than welcome to share in on the boards or even in a pm to me
Post of the Month - October 16 votes
Anch0r33 - What Do You Like About Yourself?
31% 5 votes
Distraction - Supporting someone struggling
31% 5 votes
ThatFelixGuy - Combating Political Outrage
18% 3 votes
coc0mac - Relationship Advice
12% 2 votes
Anch0r33 - A Perspective on the Meaning of Life
6% 1 vote