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My body is disgusting and I hate it (TW: self harm & allusion to suicidal ideation, both 2nd para)

Porcupine19Porcupine19 Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
in Health & Wellbeing
So this has been underlying for a while but recently everything's kind of erupted. My skin is gross, my hair's boring, unless I look at it under a very specific light my face is ugly especially my teeth- I hate the way I look when I smile- my body hair is really dark and ugly, my breasts are sagging already even though they're pretty average-sized and I'm only in my twenties, plus a whole bunch of other stuff. Basically- I'm sorry cos this is weird and embarrassing but it's really bothering me- I've been having some issues recently with bras feeling uncomfortable and I read in an article online that having a wrong fitting one 'can cause irreversible sagging and stretching'. And I'm pretty sure it's gotten worse recently, that could just be false memories but I don't know. The point is it's probably my fault and now I'm even more disgusting and unattractive than before, not that anyone would want to be with me anyway, because I've caused 'irreversible' damage to my body because I'm too stupid to get the right size clothes.  Or to fix my posture which btw is rubbish. I'm ugly and gross and it's my fault.

I'm just so sick of looking and feeling the way like this (I don't have tons of money to buy nicer clothes or get my hair done or anything), especially because the last time I really felt like this I got to thinking that I was generally worthless and my whole life is pointless... I've already physically hurt myself a bit (not seriously, don't worry) and I'm kind of on a downward spiral to a pretty dark place, even if I'm not actually in crisis or in serious danger. I just hate or at least dislike myself a lot at the moment (as well as my appearance I don't think there's much goof to say about my personality either.
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    independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 8,615 Legendary Poster
    Hiya,

    I'm so sorry you're feeling like that <3 it's really horrible to feel that way, it's a vicious cycle really because I know for one it's really really hard to get away fromt thinking like that.

    From a practical point of view, have you considered getting yourself measured (or measuring yourself if you're not comfortable with getting measured) for a bra? It is true that wearing the wrong sized bra can cause problems, but that doesn't mean it is your fault. It's not your fault at all, so so many women are wearing the wrong size - I was for many many years. Some shops are better than others for measuring too, so it might depend on where you've had it done. But that does not make it your fault at all. 

    Have you spoke to anyone about how you feel about yourself?
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
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    Porcupine19Porcupine19 Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
    independent_ said:
    Hiya,

    I'm so sorry you're feeling like that <3 it's really horrible to feel that way, it's a vicious cycle really because I know for one it's really really hard to get away fromt thinking like that.

    From a practical point of view, have you considered getting yourself measured (or measuring yourself if you're not comfortable with getting measured) for a bra? It is true that wearing the wrong sized bra can cause problems, but that doesn't mean it is your fault. It's not your fault at all, so so many women are wearing the wrong size - I was for many many years. Some shops are better than others for measuring too, so it might depend on where you've had it done. But that does not make it your fault at all. 

    Have you spoke to anyone about how you feel about yourself?
    Hi : )

    It's just hard to talk to people about it because it's a little embarrassing... I felt awkward just posting on here where it's all anonymous lol
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Heyy! You don’t need to say sorry or be embarrassed. Safe to talk about these things here and not gross at all <3. 

    It’s an awful feeling not to feel comfortable in yourself :(.  Every single persons deserves to feel comfortable I. Themselves cause everyone is pretty. We are all unique and all have our own features and no one looks like us and we have to embarance that. Even people you think are so pretty could see themselves as looking absolutely disgusting and it’s horrible that we make ourselves feel like that as it’s just who we are! Liking ourselves is a real hard challenge sometimes but you deserve self love <3 it can be overwhelming when feel like certain parts of our body isn’t right. At one point when I was younger my main focus was on how flat chested I was. Like I was so concerned about it I even wore two bras to school. Now I don’t really care because it’s just my body and no one is perfect. We are just who we are <3.

    speaking tI someone about how we feel can really help. It’s not an instant thing but speaking about stuff to someone can make us feel less alone and calmer and hope sharing here helped <3. Was wondering if you feel any professionals for this ? 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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