Anorexia TW

I first wrote so much but I deleted it all because I think it was okay but maybe too triggering

basically just Relapsing pretty bad now i don’t know how to stop and losing lot of weight & getting really low in weight again and feeling like I'm achieving something and I kinda feel proud about it (which I know I shouldn't cause I'm not overweight or anything). I feel like I'm feeling cleaner / better and I'm not sure I would like to recover now but I know I do cause it's a waste of a life and will make me feel more suicidal in the end or I'd end up forced feed. My family try to give me food and I eat some , the rest i either hide it or refuse. I'm scared they're going to ring someone to make me eat more and shove shit down my throat or nose when I'm feeling as clean since abuse.

i think I'm just writing this cause feeling alone and wondering if anyone else is restricting & feeling similar for it. im doing really obsessive things which I don't think go against the rules but maybe shouldn't say but I feel alone and it's horrible but it's kinda a distraction and achieveing something and when I get signs of losing weight I feel really proud???:////// I can't seek help for this. Because Ive been under adult eating disorder service before & did have therapy for it but it wasn't good & I doubt they'd care now since I've already had the help. So guess I'm stuck & I just wish I could sleep until I reach my goal weight. & it keeps being hard to breath after eating and I'm not sure why. Fatty heart?

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Siena

Thank you! But i think ive tried all 26 letters ah

Former Member

What have you tried? x

Siena

For the thing i wont say - Ive tried everything the internet say and well is hard when dont know exact cause and things to do with it so its something that could be physical. And im kinda blaming the trauma eventho i know i dont know for 100%. But now im realising the internet did also say anxiety can make it worse. But i don’t know i just dont think i have anxiety for some reason, even tho get told a lot i do, maybe just dont want all these label. But anyway now i have a rash on my face lol. Which i have been to my gp about it before so i do have cream that works well and they once said the rash could be from stress or constant anxiety. Butnow im thinking well maybe this thing, is getting more and more worse cause anxiety not helping. Idk. Maybe see if these pills make any difference for this. I dont think it will cause yeah i dont think i have anxiety. But yeah if it is then like wow anxiety is very physical but probs not

and for trying for how i feel. Feel tried everything and will feel like this no matter what goes on in my life cause i think my personality is just weak and cant cope with life/ the stress of life

Former Member

You must be feeling pretty hopeless

What else do you think might help with the thing you don't feel able to say? You say it might get better if you saw a doctor about it but that you're too embarrassed?

For how you feel, I'm sure there are loads more options. I guess it can help to think about what your goals are and the possible causes of the problem x

Siena

Im using a new way to purge (not binging just trying to purge). Ive found a new way to purge. Just read if you do it too much it can kill you. Hasnt killed me obviously, i think it meant can kill you there and then and way extreme way

Siena

And guess anything can kill you these days. Like even Running too much. Too much of anything can kill you so think meant that And like misuse of laxatives can kill too

Siena

Im not losing weight as fast as i have done before and im so confused. Is it flouatine adding weight /slowing matabolism or what😭. I am losing weight just not as fast as id like and i know theres a certain weight number i get to that i get stuck on for ages and i dunno how even possible when youre restricting. I know starvation mode and all that of slowing matabolism. but i don’t know. I was also googling about detoxing body ect and came up with OCD. Maybe i have ocd not eating disorder? Never really thought about. But am obessed of feeling "empty" and "clean" within my body idek. I guess that is actually main symptoms of eating disorder. I guess doesnt matter.

But i do feel so bad. Espically with my eating and thinking about my future which i cant see while i have embarrasing problem. I just really think i culd sort my life out if it would just go away. But it wont

. So no hope really

Former Member

Hi @Shaunie,

Sorry to read your going through all this at the moment. How are you feeling about this today?

It's understandable that you might be frustrated about this, but anorexia sometimes can course more issues than helping you lose weight. There are healthier ways go lose wait than missing meals. Could this be something you might look at? Its helped some people feel cleaner as well as helping there daily life as well. Have you been able to speak to your GP about this at all?

Google is made up of some facts and some lies so Google things such as medication, symptoms and more can course more harm and worry than seeking the support. It's understandable by you would choice to Google than speaking the help but there is 2 sides to everything and speaking the medical help is always a safe option.

Keep reaching out to us here at The Mix and if you ever feel you would like to talk to someone instead of googling ring 111 they will always be able to help.

Siena

Im losing weight and feels great. Even my sister noticed

Siena

Accidental post

Former Member

Do you want to chat about anything Shaunie? Hope you're okay

Siena

Thank you kathleen.

Its pretty hard because you know the embarrassing thing i always say. Well the internet does say about changing your diet and not to miss meals. And eat low fats. And now i don’t know what to do. I only read that once and cant find it again so it must not be that important. So now i don’t know what to do. Feel so suicidal

Former Member

Aww. So you think you should change your diet because of the thing you won't say, but you don't feel able to because of your eating struggles - is that right?

Siena

Yeah:'(. I dont want to gain weight
why life have to be so shit
so stuck. I cant take anymore:(. Im just thinking of leaving home and kinda planning just living some how on street. Deserve that.

Former Member

That must feel very tough and make you torn between the two

Has anything made you think of living on the streets? You've mentioned it's to be away from all the food if I remember?

Siena

Yh. My family are too overwhelming with food. But i don’t know if id get reported as a missing person and a high risk person cause of MH. Have been reported missing once. My family probably didnt care really. So i think im gunna do it

Former Member

I won't be telling you what to do of course and it makes sense that you feel like this, but please take good care if you do

Former Member

Hey Shaunie,

I just wanted to pop in and remind you that we all care about you and we are here when you want to talk

As always, there are services that you can contact if you are feeling unsafe, you may already know these but i'll put them in a spoiler below

- Crisis Messenger are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text 'THEMIX' to 85258 if you are feeling in crisis.

- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

- Papyrus - offer non-judgemental support, advice and information to young people. You can call them at 0800 068 4141. They are open Mon-Fri 10am-10pm and 2-10pm on weekends.

- Mind - have a list of crisis houses and sanctuaries that offer short-term support that you might like to try. You might also like to search for your local Mind to see what support is available in your area.

- If you have any concerns for your health or safety, call 999

Stay strong, we all believe in you!

Jade