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Hi, my name is Fady!
I'm kind of late into joining this community since I just turned 24 literally a week ago but I just discovered this website via Tumblr today and felt it was right to seek an understanding community where I could be listened to, even if I could only stay in here for a year before I turn 25 this time next year. Academically speaking, I am going through a crucial stage in my life, and so, I sometimes feel like I cannot bear the stress it is putting me on at the moment. The stress that exams at MSc level give me are eating me alive and really challenging but my dream has always been to obtain a postgraduate degree before I turn 25 in order to feel 'academically complete'. I feel like I won't be happy in life until I pass all my modules but my anxiety into 'what ifs' is eating me alive. What if I don't make my parents proud (they paid for half my tuition fees), what if I miss this opportunity and end up wasting 2 years of my life and hard work for nothing? Last October, I actually convinced my parents that I wanted to have my first weekend part-time job in retail, they supported me but asked me to focus on my studies above all since the finishing line is near. All I've known is school and university, education has so far been my whole life. So, I felt the need to try something new and for 6 months, I ended up working with an amazing team of people even if it was for minimum wage. I actually enjoyed my time there but then exam season struck and reality sinked in. It was a nice change but I needed my weekends to study, retail is hard work but enjoyable but I can't spend my whole life in retail knowing that I'm someone who was accepted into a post-graduate course 1.5 years ago. I want to live comfortably, knowing that 20 years of continuous education without a single gap year have paid off. If I lose the chance of graduating I will feel like a failure for the rest of my life. I've never been outstanding in academia, but I've been good enough to pass with a merit level (60% average) so far. I am also someone who dreams of travelling the world, especially east asia, but I can't reach that dream without funds if my career crumbles down. I want job security to be happy. Anyway, I've been depressed lately, have 5 exams total with 4 to go left this May. They are crucial for my career in Audiology and since not many universities offer this course, if I miss my dream of becoming an Audiologist I will never forgive myself. Sorry for my long post, I know it was supposed to be an introductory first message but I guess I went all in with my feelings huh? If anyone read all the way here then I sincerely appreciate you for reading about what I'm going through. Thank you.