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Thinking about ending life

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  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,278 Supreme Poster
    Im fed up & tired & having thoughts of ending my life. How do i stop thinking about ways to kill myself. And a lot of things keep coming to my mind when type this. Too many - now i don’t know what i came here to say i think most probably aginst rules anyway. So im just seeking help i feel so awful :'(
    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
    davcr0ckButterfly23
  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 687 Super Moderator
    Hey Shaunie,

    Sorry to hear your struggling so much. Sending you some hugs. :heart:

    We are all here for you.
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" 

    - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

    davcr0ckButterfly23
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,278 Supreme Poster
    Thank you!

    Im going to go to samaritans branch soon. If i dont get too scared. Never been so am scared ah. 

    Also today i find out my individual feedback and grade for my Peer support worker stuff which am interested in. But im so stressed about graduation that i fee get stressed about everything that its easier to die. I still dont know what to wear and i have no idea what to say for speech cause i know ill have shaky vioce the whole time and its all just gunna be embarrassing. And dying sounds easier than all stress of life
    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
    davcr0ckButterfly23
  • Butterfly23Butterfly23 Miniposter England Posts: 817 Trailblazer
    Hey shaunie,

    Just wanted to check in and ask how you are feeling today? 💗

    Butterfly x
  • alice123alice123 Posts: 88 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hi @Shaunie

    I was wondering how you're doing? Did you manage to head to your local Samaritans branch and speak to someone there? 

    I just wanted to remind you that we're here for you <3
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,278 Supreme Poster
    edited July 2019
    Thank you 

    i did try to go to Samaritans branch. I walked there, looked at the door and got too anxious and walked all way back home. 

    I think maybe ringing the branch before going may help me. I am going to try to do that today
    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
    davcr0ck
  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 687 Super Moderator
    Hey Shaunie,

    It's positive that you went to the Samaritans branch, even though you didn't make it inside, it's still a very positive step for you. :heart:

    That's a good idea, about ringing the branch first. 

    Feel free to keep us updated, we are here for you <3 
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" 

    - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

    davcr0ckShaunie
  • CarolineVCarolineV Posts: 133 Boards Initiate
    edited July 2019
    It's great that you managed to visit the Samaritans branch even if you didn't go in, hopefully if you choose to go again it'll be a bit easier for you. Ringing them sounds like a good plan too <3

    Also, just wanted to say I read about your graduation on your other thread. Massive well done again, and you looked lovely, that jumpsuit is gorgeous!
    Shauniedavcr0ck
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,278 Supreme Poster
    edited July 2019
    Thank you @CarolineV and @Stephanie

    just left Samaritans 
    I've spoke to them for over 2 hours and feel bad for using that much time. She was really nice though. I wanted to leave earlier but tbh I didn't know how to do it lol. 

    But she was nice and kept kept saying how concerned She was and how maybe I should get into contact with crisis or if she could ring anyone for me. (I'm safe don't have plans - wouldn't see myself in crisis but guess some do) just Thoughts of ending my life
    im kinda feel bad about how concerned she was cause when people say generally "you don't always leave it at work cause still worry about people when get home" I don't wanna be one of those people

    but she said she wants me to keep incontact with them and they're going to ring me tomorrow after my rape crisis appointment. 
    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 9,278 Supreme Poster
    Had my first session with rape crisis 

    I feel really drained now. It's too early for me & I'm starving so really embarrassing when my stomach makes so much noise lol. Definetly need to remember to eat before going  like honesty embarrasing


    But I couldn't say what happened, yet I could say it at Samaritans branch yesterday (probs cause it took like 2 hours to say though) don't have 2 hours to finally say it lol & plus I think it was a lot harder because I know I will see her again & knowing she will see me in different light & maybe dirty. & tbh i didnt feel completely comfortable with her as normally do with people. & tbh I dk if that's cause she's quite old & not used to speaking to old people but lol that sounds bad I'm sure she's nice & sure feel better when feel more comfortable. 

    But didn't speak about it which am disappointed in myself for. Spoke more about my life than anything. So she was asking if looking at my referral will help as she doesn't do it before seeing someone. I said maybe will help. (Eventho dunno kinda wanted to say it myself before she reads it) 


    I'm guessing she read I was forced to wee on someone and stuff. But idek I guess I'd like to know what the referral said aswell. But she didn't say much about it only "you have gone through awful experiences"


    & was asking who referred me to here. I said the police referred me to the ISVAs part of rape crisis and then the sexual violence adviser referred me here. She asked who my sexual violence adviser was so told me her & she knew her & asked if she could speak to her about me on how to support me and about what happened and will get back to me within 2 weeks. Well tbh my old ISVA Is not the best person to speak to. She will tell her how attached I get to people :( it's embarrasing to say but I would text my ISVA work phone even when she discharged me. So when she gave me her work number I was just thinking are you sure you wanna do that lol. But I didn't wanna say no you can't speak to her as she'd just be confused on why. But now I'm scared on what she will say to her about me. Hopefully wont say bad but idek 

    if you have the strength to sustain anorexia you have the strength to overcome it
    Spook98Butterfly23davcr0ck
  • Spook98Spook98 UKPosts: 262 The Mix Regular
    I'm sure the people you are talking to are professionals, whose priority is how best to help you move forward. To that end, and since you found it difficult to talk about it today, the lady you spoke to will be trying to better understand what happened. I very much doubt your relationship with your ISVA will be a topic of discussion, try not to worry about it if you can. If you have another appointment, it might help to prepare for it. The things you are apprehensive to say you can write down, along with why you are struggling to bring it up. Allow her to read it and it should help ease the beginning of the conversation, starting is the hardest part. 

    You needn't be disappointed by not talking much, it sounds like it's a very difficult problem to address. And getting attached to the people that help you most is perfectly normal, and you won't be the only one, or even the worst for it by any means.
    Shaunie
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