Home Sex & Relationships
At The Mix, we want to make our services as helpful as we can. To do this, we’d love to ask you a few questions about you, your visit to The Mix and its impact. It should take only about 5-10 minutes to complete. Take this survey and get a chance at winning a £200 Amazon voucher​.
Come and join our Support Circle, every Tuesday, 8 - 9:30pm! Sign up here

Looking for support

Lynx1612Lynx1612 Posts: 3 Newbie
edited March 2019 in Sex & Relationships
Hiya, I originally began looking online because I'm very confused about everything. I was just wondering if this was common and at times i think I will not bother even turning up to court but other times I know it would not end no matter what he says. I am all over the place mentally. I have never been the one to call police because i feel he is part of me. I need to discuss this with women who feel the same or who feel weak like me and also ladies who have gone back to their abuser as i have done. But now there is a break from him i feel like he was the one extremely dependent on me. Please help. Xx
Post edited by TheMix on
Kathleen07

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,226 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    edited March 2019
    Heyy, 

    welcome to the mix! 
    Hope you find what youre looking for on here

    Ive been to the police about an abuser and it takes  a lot - far from weak.  But think youre right in that it doesnt always mean things will change if goes further than court & all that sometimes but you can heal in other ways aswell. 

    And i have also had thoughts about wanting to go back to him and ive notice you reacted & found one of my threads of where ive said it. https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/comment/3583339#Comment_3583339
    Edit- saw you comment on it & very true - & thinking about what id say to someone who feels similar helps me be kinder to myself & i hope you can remind your self of that and remind yourself why you left in the first place

    Hope you know youre not alone <3
    Post edited by Shaunie on
  • Lynx1612Lynx1612 Posts: 3 Newbie
    Thank you, i keep telling myself it'll get easier but we spent 24/7 together, i stopped seeing friends and family. From my dad calling all women including me stupid idiots for not jumping up and leaving, to the rest of my family telling me they want nothing to do with me if i go back, I can't take the mixing pot of emotions and lack of understanding. I keep repeating i cannot just switch my love for him off or I most certainly would. They don't really get that it wasn't all bad. I can feel their anger then my defence for him will come into play. For instance my mum saying 'u must like getting beaten every week or u wouldn't have gone back' how do i explain something i do not understand myself. I'm so glad you took time to answer me, i had a horrific beating last time 2 days locked in, he had the key temptingly close but he knew i wouldn't dare also he reset my phone. My ribs and back were kicked and punched as he dragged me around the bedroom. One attack, physical, also making me sit in bed and throwing cold orange on me while i was ill in bed. I went on the run sleeping in a car just to be with him. I tried to prove my undivided love & attention but if a man or woman has it ingrained in their character then chances are that they are a narcinarcist for life. Xx x 
    Shauniemags98
  • ShaunieShaunie Posts: 13,226 Born on Earth, Raised by The Mix
    Im so sorry. That sounds awful:(. Some people do not understand. Abusers are very clever and take lots of control mentally - thats not your fault - thats all them and for someone to say things like that to you is just lack of understanding. Because even abusive relationship break ups are hard. 

    I hope youre doing okay today <3
  • mags98mags98 Posts: 287 Moderator
    Hi,

    Sorry to hear about your relationship. I have to commend you on opening up, not only on here but also to your family, it is very brave and shows your strength.

    Shaunie has made some very good points, to reiterate, it's not your fault.

    It's an extremely difficult position to be in and often people who have never been there don't understand it and have strong opinions. It must be difficult receiving that reaction from your family. Do you have someone else you can talk to? Like a school or work colleague you trust? 

    https://www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/  I have attached a link to women's aid survivors handbook which gives a lot of information on relationships and staying safe with some useful contacts.
Sign In or Register to comment.