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The frustration is too much to bare, I want to give up
Nekolovestea
Posts: 57 Boards Initiate
I just finished some important exams, I was very stressed, and now I'm entering vacation. I don't want to. Pressure was keeping me away from my problems, even though I had daily mental breakdowns which lead to self harm, I just feel worse now that I have time for myself again. I just feel so frustrated about everything. I can't get over my ex, I don't think I ever will. I don't know why but nothing works. Actually I know why, I should've thrown the memories away when I had the opportunity, now I'm not physically and mentally capable of it anymore, whenever I try to I just freeze and end up keeping the stuff she gave me. I'm frustrated because nothing is getting better, dealing with just living is costing me so much energy that the few hobbies I have are basically the only reasons I can still say I'm living and not surviving. So much energy, wasted, useless, that's all I can do, nothing. I'm weak because I'm in love with somebody who doesn't love me back, and I'm in love because I'm weak and I can't bare myself. Things are not moving, and time doesn't heal. I feel like I'm doing so much, but my friend is right, I'm not trying to make it better. I don't want to get better, because getting better means not loving anymore. Why do I even love her, I knew her for barely one year, this whole situation is stupid. Time is flying too quickly, it hurts, yet I feel like I have been heartbroken for 20 years. Again, my friend is right, the girl I love just doesn't care about me anymore, she doesn't hate me, she just doesn't care. I think I would prefer her punchin me than her just not caring. I'm sorry, I feel like I'm just posting the same thing over and over again expecting that writing his will somewhat solve everything, because it feels great to write it down. I'm sorry.
“You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.”
-Hayao Miyazaki
-Hayao Miyazaki
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Have you got anything planned for the holidays? Going to visit family? Watching that film you've always wanted to watch? Trying to keep yourself busy would be the first thing I'd say. Or how about picking up a new hobby that could help you cope? Personally I like keeping a journal where I can 'dump all my feelings. Might be something you could use if posting this has helped you. I know other people who like to make art, write poems or listen to music as a way to express themselves.
Always here to listen if you need anything! Things will get better, maybe not tomorrow but eventually you'll get there! 💛
I don't have any plans for the holidays, but I will probably just do the usual, cook, play piano, try to improve my fish tank, buy some new plants. I should try to find a new hobby, you're right, but I don't know what. I like writing so keeping a journal is actually a very good idea that I will definitely try.
Thank you for your support, I hope you're doing good
-Hayao Miyazaki
If you fancy something new head across to the Travel and Free Time forum. You'll find some book/film recommendation threads on there if you're after some inspiration! There was a thread with baking recipies too but think that's going back a while! Have a great holiday full of things you love!
It is really good to hear that it feels great to write your feelings down. I think what @htwohig2412 said was a really good idea. I journal too sometimes and it helps me to make sense of what i'm feeling.
I can really relate to what you said about feeling like someone doesn't care even though you still haven't moved on. When I have felt like this in this in the past I have tried to do things for people I care about, such as making dinner for my family, as I find it really boosts my self esteem.
It might not feel like it now, but things do get better