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Getting paranoid again...

NekolovesteaNekolovestea Posts: 57 Miniposter
Hey guys! So today is not going very well for me. My parents were supposed to leave home for 2 days, today, leaving me and my sister at home. When I was coming home from school, I got a weird feeling, I had the feeling that something was not right. There is much snow where I live but it is not snowing much today, which means that snow could not have fallen down to cover footsteps today. When I got in front of my house, I could only see my father's footsteps in the snow, my mother's were missing and it made me go really bad for a couple of hours. I was basically thinking that my father murdered my mom and took her body where they were supposed to go, like it was all planned. Now I realise that it sounds very crazy but this kind of paranoid episodes happen quite a lot to me and today it made me relapse form a 2 months clean streak. I just feel terrible and needed to get this off my chest. I know it sounds very weird, I don't even know if I'm even allowed to post such thing, if not, I'm sorry.
“You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.” 
-Hayao Miyazaki
Kathleen07Lainelittlegemz

Comments

  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,896 Postholic
    Heyyy buddy. I'm really sorry to hear that, it sounds distressing. It doesn't sound weird, and yeah this is fine to post. <3 

    I hope getting this off your chest was of some help. I and others will be listening if you want to talk any more.

    Best wishes x

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 7,337 The Mix Elder
    Heyy

    that sounds stressful to have thoughts like that:(. But it is good that now you realise that your thoughts may have not been true. 

    Something i do when i feel anxiety getting worse (anxiety about anything) i think about all possible different possible outcomes after wards. In my DBT group they called it 'relentless problem solving' and think about likely things that could of happened instead. Personally that helps me when i feel like people are purposely ignoring me ah i think of possible things that may mean they wasnt purposly ignoring me instead of jumping to bad conclusions. (Know completly different situations and may sound obvious but sometimes hard to think clearly at the time of thinking bad thoughts so though would give an example). 

    And also have you thought about personifying your thoughts. Know may sound weird but some people turn theie thoughts into a person and even name it and sometimes it helps me. (Havent give it a name lol) .
    Like instead of thinking "my father has murdered my mum" - you think "oh thats my parniod thought of thinking that my father has murdered my mum" and making it a person makes it not facts - which sometimes easier to handle.  If makes sense? Doesnt work for everyone but thought id say


    hope youre feeling okay today
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • NekolovesteaNekolovestea Posts: 57 Miniposter
    Shaunie said:
    Heyy

    that sounds stressful to have thoughts like that:(. But it is good that now you realise that your thoughts may have not been true. 

    Something i do when i feel anxiety getting worse (anxiety about anything) i think about all possible different possible outcomes after wards. In my DBT group they called it 'relentless problem solving' and think about likely things that could of happened instead. Personally that helps me when i feel like people are purposely ignoring me ah i think of possible things that may mean they wasnt purposly ignoring me instead of jumping to bad conclusions. (Know completly different situations and may sound obvious but sometimes hard to think clearly at the time of thinking bad thoughts so though would give an example). 

    And also have you thought about personifying your thoughts. Know may sound weird but some people turn theie thoughts into a person and even name it and sometimes it helps me. (Havent give it a name lol) .
    Like instead of thinking "my father has murdered my mum" - you think "oh thats my parniod thought of thinking that my father has murdered my mum" and making it a person makes it not facts - which sometimes easier to handle.  If makes sense? Doesnt work for everyone but thought id say


    hope youre feeling okay today
    Heyyy buddy. I'm really sorry to hear that, it sounds distressing. It doesn't sound weird, and yeah this is fine to post. <3 

    I hope getting this off your chest was of some help. I and others will be listening if you want to talk any more.

    Best wishes x

    Thank you for your answers !

    I will definitely be trying to personify my thoughts, as you said, Shaunie, it sound svery interesting and I hope it will give me a little bit more control over my thoughts. I must say that for having tried thinking about the differents outcomes of a situation hasn't really worked for me in the past, but I believe it is worth trying again.

    Thank you for your support, a good night of sleep made me relax a lot and I am feeling much better now. I'm seeing my psychologist soon, it has been around 5-6 sessions, would you recommend that I talk about it? I don't feel very comfortable but maybe it is necessary for my situation to improve.

    Much love to you two <3
    “You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.” 
    -Hayao Miyazaki
    Kathleen07
  • Kathleen07Kathleen07 Posts: 1,896 Postholic
    @Nekolovestea Happy you're feeling better now :)

    About talking about it with your psychologist, I'd say it's a good idea. It'll probably be worth the discomfort and hopefully be helpful. But if you're too uncomfortable, I get that.

    xo

  • NekolovesteaNekolovestea Posts: 57 Miniposter
    @kathleen0172 I'll definitley try to talk about it but I get really nervous when in front of her so I'll probably not talk about it for a long time, like all my other problems. One day I'll have the courage, I hope.
    “You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.” 
    -Hayao Miyazaki
    Kathleen07
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 7,337 The Mix Elder
    edited January 2019
    Glad youre feeling better! 

    what stops you from being able to speak about it? Its important to say if affecting you. But its totally understandable to take some time feeling more comfortable to talk. But they only wanna help.
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • NekolovesteaNekolovestea Posts: 57 Miniposter
    @Shaunie I'm seeking counseling for social anxiety if that can help you understand my situation a bit better.

    I have great trouble speaking to someone I don't really know, it takes a lot of time for me to become more confident. My psychologist is very kind but it still takes time for me to be able to speak my mind clearly, what I say ends up being very confused when I'm nervous, I don't want to get into the heart of my issues if I'm not comfortable enough, by fear of her misunderstanding.
    “You must see with eyes unclouded by hate. See the good in that which is evil, and the evil in that which is good. Pledge yourself to neither side, but vow instead to preserve the balance that exists between the two.” 
    -Hayao Miyazaki
    Shaunie
  • StephanieStephanie Posts: 502 Super Moderator
    Hey Nekolovestea,

    It's positive to hear your seeking counselling regarding how your feeling, I hope that all works out for you. 

    For some people it may time to build up confidence and trust to be able to talk about what we're feeling, give it some time and hopefully things will start to improve. 

    Remember we are here for you, if you need to talk things through, your not alone in this. :heart:


                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" 

    - Albus Dumbledore 
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