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Don’t know what to do
I am rather new to all of this so I should probably give some basic background information to everything going on in my life. I’ve always struggled to talk to people and hold conversation due to my asperges which makes me mess up a lot of things and say some of the most stupid things in social situations. Anyway during my gcse I got the news that my mam has cancer which obviously broke my heart, and has made me feel emotions and things I’ve never experienced as I have been quite sheltered from things. Anyway after that my performance suffered due to stress and worry but I got into my preferred sixth form on the scholarship I wanted. While the start of the year went well everything has turned down hill recently. In October I started just feeling down and tired and started having panic attacks for the first time in my life and then in November my life turned upside down with the news my Mams cancer is stage 4 (terminal) This made me feel really down and sad and caused me to start excluding myself from my friendship group as I don’t know how to deal with everything. Over Christmas time I started to contemplate ending it all as it’s very difficult to sit at night and listen to your Mam cry in pain and see your siblings in tears when you have to be the strong one. Things got better towards the end as I was talking to some friends and putting myself back out there but recently everything has went down hill and I’m stuck at a important crossroad. I’m still excluding myself however I feel like they are starting to hate and dislike me they removed me from their private stories on snapchat (It sounds like something small but if you have never experienced a lot of social interaction that’s a big thing) and now they’ve stopped all social media contact with the one who I talked to the most just breaking contact even though I’m sure she only talked to me because she thought my friends were attractive and when she found they were single she didn’t message me again. Mix this with the fact I feel stupid because I have just been tested for dyslexia and while typing my spelling isn’t bad in all writing it is and my handwriting is unreadable, my friend attempting suicide and me feeling guilty because if it, my other best friend leaving me and finally messing up my chance at getting my crush because of me saying stupid things I really feel just down and sad especially for the last 2 months and I’d like some advice on how to start sorting everything out as I think it may not be to late and I want to do well at school and everything is falling in on itself. Sorry for how long this is.