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Need advice on how to support someone

Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 Budding Regular
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi,

Someone I know (I don't know her very well) is in a really bad place. I can see that she'd hurting so much and feeling so alone, but I don't know why. I don't know what's happened to her and I don't understand what she'd going through, I can just see that she'd really hurting, and I want to help. She'd tried to kill herself more than once and she has told me she "can't cope anymore", but she doesn't want to talk about what she'd feeling. The only thing I can do is talk to her, even though I know won't get any reply. I at least want to be able to do this, but at the moment I am at a loss as to what to say. I don't want to say the wrong thing, and I don't want it to sound scripted. I want to say something that will help her to feel stronger and give her hope that things will get better, but just saying "it will get better" doesn't feel like enough. Does anyone have any advice? If anyone has ever felt like this, what kinds of things help the most to hear?

Thank you in advance for any advice!

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    BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Posts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    I went through a really tough time around this time last year and some things that helped were my friends, they didn't know what to say to make things better but they would tag me in funny/inspirational things on fb and it always brought a smile to my face :) it helped to know that they we're trying. you could also give her a Christmas prezzie, someone at work done that for me and it meant so much, just knowing my colleagues had my back as well, it wasn't much just chocolate mainly (I had lost a lot of weight) maybe you could do something similar with some self care items? Do you know her well enough to meet up? going out for coffee/a walk can really help.


    When I was going through the tough time I didn't find it helpful to talk about things, it just made me think about it more (everyone's different) but my friends would tell me funny stories, or the best memories we've had and having a distraction like that really helped :) Just showing her she's not alone and you've got her back will help. hope this helps a bit! <3
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
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    CarolineVCarolineV Posts: 133 The Mix Convert
    Hiya

    It's so lovely that you're looking out for your friend and want to help her. @BubblesGoesBoo had some great suggestions about helping to distract her or giving her some positive things to focus on. We also have an article here which might help. It's specifically focused on self-harming, but I think it applies to all situations really. Just talking to her and listening can be really helpful so she knows you're there to support her. 

    The article also mentions that it's really important that you're looking after yourself too, how are you feeling about this?

    Caroline
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    scottscott Deactivated Posts: 9 Confirmed not a robot
    Hey @Candlestick56

    It's great to see you looking out for your friend and @CarolineV and @BubblesGoesBoo made some great points above. We also have this article here which gives more general advice about supporting someone and could help you.

    You said that your friend is struggling to cope so if they are feeling in crisis, they might find our Crisis Messenger useful. It's contactable by text, 24/7 and just text 'THEMIX' to 85258. 

    Samaritans are also available 24/7 to talk about anything that you or they are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

    Scott
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    You sound like a lovely person and I think you’re probably a great friend and so much support to her that you don’t even see. Just being their for someone keeps them holding onto some hope. Sometimes it’s not having some good advice we need - sometimes is just someone listening is great. And also showing them and encouraging them to try services could help. Even like a helpline


    Please rememebr you look after your self too. It can be hard to see someone feeling so down So hope you’re taking good care too
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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