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No longer enjoying life
Kenmaynard
Posts: 2 Newbie
Hi all.
I have had depression and anxiety for a number of years.
I am doing all the things that are usually suggested. I eat well, I'm part of a rugby club and exercise every day, I have a routine, and I rarely drink.
However, I am still having intrusive thoughts of negativity. I no longer enjoy the sports, and I feel anxious whilst playing so that it's no longer enjoyable. I think that no one wants to spend time with me, despite having a loving partner and great flatmates.
I take medication but I am unsure of what else to do now as I follow all the advice and am still miserable.
Any advice would be appreciated.
I have had depression and anxiety for a number of years.
I am doing all the things that are usually suggested. I eat well, I'm part of a rugby club and exercise every day, I have a routine, and I rarely drink.
However, I am still having intrusive thoughts of negativity. I no longer enjoy the sports, and I feel anxious whilst playing so that it's no longer enjoyable. I think that no one wants to spend time with me, despite having a loving partner and great flatmates.
I take medication but I am unsure of what else to do now as I follow all the advice and am still miserable.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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Sometimes depression can work in strange ways. Even the happiest person in the world can feel like the worst person in the world when it gets into their head.
It's good to know you're keeping up a healthy lifestyle. Even if it feels negative, it's always good. But sometimes it can get to the point that you lose interest in said lifestyle, and this can happen for multiple reasons.
The more common reason for this can be that you're getting bored of your life. If you run the same routine day in day out, and don't allow yourself any 'off-days,' so to speak, then eventually you'll burn out, and lose interest in what you're doing simply because it's so repetitive. It's relatively easy to combat this; just do it! Find yourself a new hobby, try out a new sport, listen to some new music... There are plenty ways to ease boredom.
However, sometimes it might not be due to boredom. I feel like this might not be the reason for your struggling, but I thought I might as well explain anyway in case it is, or in case someone else reading may find it helpful.
Another reason you might be feeling this way is the combination of depression and anxiety that you previously mentioned. This is what I think you're struggling with, so I'm going to go into as much detail as I can here.
I wanted to mention, everything I'm saying here is from experience or from what I've come to understand from studying people. I primarily wanted to say this because I don't have as much experience with anxiety as most, so my next paragraph comes more so from studying people, and might not be exactly right.
Anxiety in itself generally consists of being scared or nervous around certain stimuli, meaning something such as people or a certain action. An example of this for me would be that I get nervous around a park local to me because a traumatic event happened to me there. From what I've seen anxiety can deal with irrational thoughts and fears too, and in some cases you can find doubts manifesting in your mind that are irrational but still have a decent form of control over you.
This control can vary in strength, and this is where depression comes in. For me, the irrational doubts come from PTSD, but in this sense they're the same as anxiety doubts.
Depression can make these doubts seem more real, seem more rational. Being anxious about things can plant small seeds of doubt in your mind, and these small seeds are fed and watered by depression.
As far as anxiety goes here, you're worried about people only sticking around you for pity, or worried that they'll leave you the minute they've exhausted what uses they can get from you. With regular anxiety these are just little snippets, or sometimes a train of thought that flashes past your mind. But depression makes it so that these thoughts are a lot more prominent.
As I said before, I don't have all that much experience with anxiety. But I can still relate. For this^ problem, I found that I could combat it by reminding myself about all the good things I've done with the people close to me, and going through good memories with them. It doesn't always work, but it can help to clear my mind. Maybe it will work for you too.
Talking to the people you care about, about the worries you're experiencing, can also help, as it can put your mind at rest. This is something I've been unable to do personally, because I have a relatively frosty relationship with the people around me, but I know that it has helped a lot for others to do this.
Like @Shaunie suggested, therapy can be helpful too. Counsellors can help you sort through what's going on too. I have no good experience with counselling however, and it's not something I can find out about from other people either, because it's so different for each person. So I can't really say much about that :P
I'm sorry to hear too, that you're feeling anxious about the sports you used to enjoy. My suggestion there would be to try a new hobby out too. I can suggest a few if you'd like, and if you like rock music I have you covered there too!
Whatever happens, I hope you're okay, and I hope my advice was helpful. I realise now that I ended up explaining quite a few things you probably already knew, so sorry about that
Welcome to the message boards, it's great that you're reaching out for support here. I noticed you posted this a few days ago? How have things been since then?
@LabraBell had some great advice there, especially regarding talking to someone, is this something you've tried or feel able to try?
It seems like you're feeling miserable that despite doing everything "right", taking your medication and eating well, that things still aren't improving. If you feel your medication isn't working, have you considered discussing this with your GP, often it can take a while to find a medication which is right for you
I realise I've asked a lot of questions here, so no pressure to answer them all. I hope reaching out here has been able to help you a little
Caroline
Thanks for such supportive messages and advice.
I am on a waiting list for therapy so I am hoping to be starting that within the next 3 months. However there is a long waiting list as with all these things.
I love rugby but unfortunately my anxiety is making it difficult to play. I doubt that I am good enough to be on the pitch. As you say it's the anxiety that is resting negative thought patterns that service when I am under stress.
I have just graduated from university and have moved to a graduate job. Time for hobbies is severely limited and my partner lives far from me so any spare time is spent visiting her.
I will make an appointment with my GP as you guys have suggested, but last time my medication changed I found the transition very hard.
I find it difficult to talk to friends as many are struggling with their own problems and I don't want to put any extra pressure on them.
Thank you for your kind support.
Do you have any apps or suggestions for mindfulness to help me relax?
Thanks again
have you thought or heard about personifying & externalizing your anxiety? Ive recently found this quite helpful. Because all i feel is a massive ball of mass & see my thoughts as facts when is not. Cause its not fact that youre not good enough. & once i seprate it and make it into someone - its easier to cope & think that sort of thing works for some maybe not everyone but thought id say anyway
a lot of mindfullness apps like Calm and Headspace you have to pay for but they can be quite good. But you can also do mindfulness whenever by yourself. I find just looking at one thing and focusing on every bit of detail helps me. Like i would be in a room see a box of tissue- first you see a box of tissues but when looking deeply at all the colours and shapes on it - it sort of takes your mind of things tempoary. & also cause is autum i love looking at leaves & all the shapes and colours of them all. But could do that with all sense like taste, smell & hear and just being mindful of detail.
But you could also go on youtube and type in mindfullness and lots of stuff come up that you could try. & i find some i dont like & some i do, so worth maybe trying.
And i think is indivual to all and is good to find things that help you to relax. Like some people like asmr videos in which people are whispering - i dont really like that. But i love accouts on instagram that have satifiying videos to watch and follow a few. Like this https://www.instagram.com/oddlymesmerizing/ i find so relaxing
Have you thought about making your own self soothing box? Add all the things that make you calm all in a box to go to when feel things are stressful. I know a few people with anxiety have it and helps them
Hope youre doing okay today
Sorry to hear about how you're feeling! You're doing some great things - eating well and keeping active are great for your physical health. But moving from university to a job can be really tough - it's a huge change. New people, new environment, new culture, maybe even new commute - lots of things are different, and that can be difficult to handle, especially if you have mental health issues.
It's great that you've gone for therapy - the waiting list isn't fun, but I hope that it proves really useful once you've begun. I know you've mentioned that you don't want to burden other people with your problems, even though your friends will be happy to listen to you. Having said that, I know how tough it can be to open up like that, so perhaps using Samaritans would help instead? You could talk to someone there, and not have to worry about putting a burden on someone you know
You're doing better than you think - hope you're feeling a little betterx
Much love
Great to see you posting again, I hope you're finding it helpful
@Shaunie had some great suggestions for apps. Lots of them have free trials so you can give them a go if you don't want to pay, or like she says there's loads of videos on YouTube and podcast sites that you can try.
You can also try mindfulness during your day to day activities, like making a cup of tea. Instead of thinking about everything you have to do that day, or worrying, focus on making the tea (or brushing your teeth, or showering, whatever you choose!). What does the mug feel like? What sound does the kettle make? There's some more info here, it can be a good way of incorporating it into your day to day routine.
I hope things are going well for you this week, we all care about you here.
Caroline