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Sexual assault?? What do i do?
Hi, Im looking for some advice.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. And a while ago we had an incident. He appeared to get very drunk and decided that night, when walking me to the station to pull me behind a tree in a quiet place. He then started to try and touch me to which I said no, his response to this was to then push me down onto my knees, and to put it politely, get me to please a certain place, although he got it out in front of me, he did not force as such, just held me down, and wasn’t nasty with it, I now believe this was due to how drunk he was, and after a while gave up. I then brought up this issue with him the next day and as he remembered he was horrified. He says he was very drunk and didn’t know what he was doing, he said he wanted the moment to be out of love and nice, and his thought process that night was he wanted to please me, but then assumed I would want to please him after rejecting his ‘offer’, he also claims he did not hear me telling him no as he was so out of his mind drunk. I feel I should note that my boyfriend has dyspraxia, and of course we don’t know how that mixes with alcohol. He was also very immature, with other immature incidents occurring both when drunk and sober, however nothing of this sexual nature.
It has been a while since this happened and my boyfriend has been trying absolutley everything to make this right, including stopping drinking, help and possible solutions, proving he never meant it and it wouldn’t happen again. He has also matured quite a lot too, and is trying to fix as much as possible.
Here is where I ask for advice. Since this event happened a while ago, we have tried almost everything possible between us, however it hasn’t really helped my thoughts and feelings. First of all, the event has left me quite confused, as he is such a sweet caring person who clearly loves me very much and I know wouldn’t purposely hurt me, and even the incident wasn’t done out of bad intent, which makes it all the more questionable and confusing as to why it took place that night. Second of all it has left me feeling betrayed and also a lot of trust has been lost because of this and I really don’t know what to do, as along with the trust, feelings of love have also altered a little and I want to get them back. I also question if I was right or wrong to stay with him, as I don’t want to break up, and want to fix it and make it work, however I am in a lot of pain and fear for the future, if it will happen again if he drinks, if he’d do something different or worse, and I also seem to get flashbacks of the event. Not to mention this also brings him a great deal of pain
I am aware that this site may not be able to help or answer this message, however if anyone could at least give any form of help, their opinion, or next step ideas, I would be most grateful. I will also note my boyfriend has also posted his version of events too.