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Running away

Er... yeah, uh, I'm new here. I'm not good at this so please bear with me.
The thing is, I have a perfect life; I'm not bullied, abused, or even treated badly. I live in an upper-middleclass neighbourhood with the most amazing family i could ask for. Yet, I'm still unhappy. Nobody knows this, not even my parents... To them i'm their daughter who eats and talks too much and is ALWAYS happy. I seem careless and bubbly, but I'm not, I just have a lot of trouble displaying negative emotion. I'm close as hell to my mum, and she thinks she's close to mer to, but the sad truth is that she is just scraping the edge of the iceberg. Sometimes i think about upping and leaving, leaving behind social norms, society in general, just kinda everything.
Anyway, I just don't know what i should do, I don't want anyone saying "You're beautiful, people care about you and it would be selfish to leave them" First of all, I am an overweight whale-looking twelve year old, there is no fucking way i am "beautiful" whatever that means. Second, I know that people care, I don't need to be reminded. So yeah..

Comments

  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Please don't run away from home. Outside it is very dangerous for any young person to be on the streets and especially at night.

    I want you to contact Childline now: I've talked to them when in crisis myself. They were very good to me. I've been through hell, and they were great.

    https://www.childline.org.uk/ Call their number 0800 1111 and it will not show on your parent's phone bill or leave any history on your phone.

    You have joined a very good, very caring and supportive site. I hope you will stay with us. It was very brave of you to come and post. :thumb:

    I will pray for you, and your safety.

    Wishing you all the very best,

    Belle



  • _Anonymous__Anonymous_ Noob Posts: 4 Newbie
    Thanks... you seem kind. I probably wouldn't ever be able to bring myself to run away. I'm really glad you got help. I'm probably also blowing this all out of proportion, its just that my mental health hasn't been great lately... Thanks again for the kind and helpful words
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Thanks... you seem kind. I probably wouldn't ever be able to bring myself to run away. I'm really glad you got help. I'm probably also blowing this all out of proportion, its just that my mental health hasn't been great lately... Thanks again for the kind and helpful words

    Thank you for replying back to me. I am 16, and have been through the shredder, so I know some of the emotional turmoil you are going through. But you are not weird. No way. Just that your feelings are all jumbled up and, as we tend to over-think, our feelings pour out all topsy-turvy. Also, try not to listen to depressing music when feeling down because music is very evocative and can bring down the tears in torrents!

    You say you are close to your mum. That is good! But she needs to know how you are really feeling, and she is not going to be angry with you, but grateful cos then she can start helping you find a way forward. Just like my special lovely aunty who took me on to be her daughter after what I went through since ast Christmas. So yes, your mum will want to do all she can, and yeah I know it's going to take courage. But you have already shown great courage coming here to tell us. Remember also that your mum was a teenager once, and probably went through hard times like us.

    Wishing you all the very best,

    ~ Belle

  • _Anonymous__Anonymous_ Noob Posts: 4 Newbie
    I've seen your profile. It seems like you've been to hell and back. You are such an inspiring person, thank you for being so kind.
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandCommunity Champion Posts: 7,875 Legendary Poster
    Hey there,

    As Belle has pointed out, the streets are A very dangerous place (for anyone let alone someone yof your age). So please, please stay at home and stay safe!

    You've definitely joined a very kind, supportive place - a lot of us are a little older than you (I'm 15) but I'm so glad you felt able to get support here.

    I can totally relate to a lot of what you say so you're definitely not alone!
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    I've seen your profile. It seems like you've been to hell and back. You are such an inspiring person, thank you for being so kind.

    Thank you for saying that about me. :)

    You could...write mum a letter. Pop it in her bag so only she would find it, and not anyone else in your family. You said: " I just have a lot of trouble displaying negative emotion". So by writing, you would avoid the first huge difficulty of talking to her directly. Here is a guideline.

    [FONT=times\ new\ roman]"Dear Mum,[/FONT] [FONT=times\ new\ roman]I'm writing this letter because I find it impossible to show my negative feelings. Things have been so hard for me lately, yet, all you see is this happy and content daughter with a happy-go-lucky smile as if everything is all fine and great. Except inside, I don't feel happy with my body image, I don't feel confident in myself...everything is one big struggle. And it's so hard to keep this from showing because all I want to do is crumple up.

    Sometime, would you talk to me in a quiet moment when the rest of the family are out. Just you and me. I love you, mum. Please help me find myself again.

    Your loving daughter,

    -- --- ---"


    Let's see how we go from there.

    ~ Belle[/FONT]




  • _Anonymous__Anonymous_ Noob Posts: 4 Newbie
    This is really helpful,
    thank you... <3
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    This is really helpful,
    thank you... <3

    I'm so pleased and glad it helps. :) Let us know what happens on your thread here, or pm me.

    Wishing you all the best,

    ~ Belle

    ETA,

    Why not make a chat account and apply to join Support Circle tomorrow evening? Everything that is shared in 'SC', is kept confidential, and it's really helped me. :)
  • independent_independent_ Resident Coffee Addict ScotlandCommunity Champion Posts: 7,875 Legendary Poster
    We (boards) are always here if you ever need/want to chat and there's also group chats (on tonight from 8-9.30) which are fantastic too!!

    Hope you're ok, how are you feeling today?
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    If you do want to come to chat tonight or any other night you are able to find the chats here http://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/group-chat
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Charlotte wrote: »
    If you do want to come to chat tonight or any other night you are able to find the chats here http://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/group-chat

    Do you have the link where our friend can sign up to make a chat account, Charly?
  • MikeMike Community Manager Posts: 4,099 Community Veteran
    Hey @_Anonymous_ (welcome to the community! :wave:) and everyone else,

    Just chipping in here to say I moved this thread over to our Sex & Relationships forum given this seems like a family issue.

    It's also worth noting that we can't create chat accounts when chat isn't open, but registering only takes a few seconds so it's totally fine to do so when you arrive for a session. :) And if you would like to sign-up to Support Circle, head here for some more info and to fill out the sign-up form.

    Take care and keep us posted, Anon. :rainbow::rainbow2:
    Taking a break 🌈
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 The Mix Regular
    Hi @_Anonymous_

    How are you getting on? Did you write to your mum? :)

    I hope you're okay.

    Belle x
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Boards Initiate
    Hey @_Anonymous_ :heart:

    First of all, how do you feel? Has anything changed in the meantime?
    I want you to know that I am really impressed by how brave you have been posting and talking about your feelings!! I remember having more or less similar thoughts when I was your age and I didn't have the courage to do what you have, so be proud of yourself! What helped me, though, was writing a note on my mobile phone in which I expressed all my feelings, thoughts and desires and it really helped me clear my mind!! so, why don't you try doing something similar? It also seems that you have a caring family, so writing a letter to your mom as @Mirabelle suggested would be absolutely great!!

    You also said that you don't like your body shape. Don't be so hard on yourself by defining yourself like that. You are going through a challenging age and your body is changing. in addition, when you feel bad it's really common to perceive your physical appearance as bad as your mood is. But remember that loving yourself is the greatest new start that you can always ask for and hope for. You are growing and you are starting looking at yourself as you have never done before, it's absolutely common. what makes a difference is trying to point out what makes you special (there's always something special in all of us, both emotionally and physically) and try to give value to it.
    I really used to feel as you do, but I want you to know that this is temporary and that growing you can also learn how to be more confident in yourself :heart:
    Being a teenager is really hard, but don't forget that you are not alone, you have your family and you can rely on this community!

    I think that some books and movies about teenagers could help you consider other perspectives and realize that it's a really challenging period and that's absolutely normal to feel this way :rainbow2: I would suggest The perks of being a wallflower. There is a movie and a book. It gives you an idea of the struggles someone can face when feeling bad and when growing up, but it also gives you hope and confidence.

    I send you a virtual hug and really hope to hear from you again!! :heart:

    - Fran
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