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Long Distance Relationships: Yay or nay?

PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Settling in
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​Hi everyone! :wave:

​So the world is such a big place and technology is everywhere, so we all meet people in different ways and in different places.

​But geography can sometimes get in the way of relationships, whether that's family, friends or romantic.

​I think romantic long distance relationships can be the most conflicted as it can be a struggle to form something honest, fulfilling and happy with someone that may be across the world. And you have to choose whether to commit or not.
Just the though of this can put some people off, but what if you are missing out on someone and something really special?

​I do have a little personal experience here with my partner, but I wanted to see what your experiences were. Is anyone currently struggling with a long distance relationship? Or do you have any advice you can give others? :chin:

​Personally, I think that communication is key. There is SO much out there such as Messenger and Skype where you can connect with each other and this is really important.

​Then there's trust. Something which I think comes with healthy communication.

​And finally excitement.​ Actually wanting to see each other is vital. You need to enjoy your time together and arrange dates/video calls/visits whenever possible. Making it special means that the wait and distance is filled with excitement rather than longing.

​Those are just a few things that I believe can help a long distance relationship, and I am on the side that definitely think that they are worth it. So long as there is mutual respect, dedication and love. :)

​But what are some of your thoughts/experiences?

​Are you a yay or nay?

-PositiveAura:rainbow2:

Comments

  • Past UserPast User Posts: 0 Literally just got here
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  • DreaDrea The Mix Posts: 292 Budding Regular
    Hey PositiveAura,

    I completely agree with everything you wrote! I think a lot of it also depends on the lifestyles that the two people lead. If there is a lot of time for one another then it could really work, but then if you're both in very different places in life with your career or studying, it could be really difficult. I guess if you're upset more than you are happy, it's good to consider if it's worth the tears and sadness :(

    Drea:heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey PositiveAura,

    I was in a LDR for about three years and have just started a new one (don't know why all my relationships seem to be LDRs) but I can say that there are some great upsides but also some horrible downsides to them.

    If you're good at communicating then I think the relationship will be good whatever. A lot of the negatives bought about by being in a LDR will more than likely still be issues if you were together it's just magnified by the fact that you're not. It can be horrible not seeing each other but at the same time when you do get to see each other it feels like this big occasion and everything feels so special.

    They can be a lot of work, sometimes you might have planned to Skype one evening and you get home from school or work and you're just exhausted but I think it's important to try and keep your dates (whether it's over Skype or in person). The main issue in my unsuccessful LDR was that we didn't make enough time for each other, we often cancelled on each other and neither of us felt like we were a part of the other's life.

    For a successful LDR I have a few tips which may help anyone who's about to enter one or is struggling with one:
    - Try and plan at least one exciting/new thing to do together whenever you see each other.
    - Try and see each other as much as you can - if you can do once a month then I'd recommend doing that. I try do every three weeks for three nights at a time but I know that some people can't afford that or don't have time for that so a month should work just as well
    - If there's an issue then don't argue over text, tell your partner that you want to have a chat and schedule a call when you know you'll have time to really get into what's wrong and what you can do to sort it - you really don't want to go to bed on an argument, it feels crap and a bit scary not knowing when you'll be able to make up
    - Don't be afraid to get a bit sexy via text or Skype, some people find it frustrating not being able to do anything for a long period of time but sexy calls and texts can really help to liven things up and just make things a lot more exciting when you actually do get to see each other

    The main thing I learnt from my LDR is that trust is key and that can only really come from good communication. Try and stay a part of each other's lives as much as possible and LDRs can be absolutely fine.

    Best of luck to anyone in one. If anyone wants to talk about what it's like then feel free to get in touch!

    Lals :yippe:
  • PositiveAuraPositiveAura Posts: 150 Settling in
    Thanks everyone for all your responses, they have been very interesting to read.


    @Meggles - That's so great to hear about your brother and his girlfriend. You're completely right about technology and it sounds like they have really embraced it! Though 3 times a year is still big breaks without one another but they are also travelling and experiencing the world together.
    Though you are right about the money aspect. Flights and trains alone can cost plenty and so I think this is why people have to save so much throughout the year to meet up. :chin:

    ​I also love what you said:
    It's amazing to see how being in different countries and the affect of time zones, doesn't change how people can feel about each other.

    It sounds like they have a lovely relationship and you can learn a lot from that. It's inspiring how you described their relationship! Like you said, if you love each other right, you can make it work.

    ​That website sounds great too! Again with technology, a good idea is to join these groups for advice and support when couples are apart. :thumb:
    ​The Mix have a page here that you can read all about tips and tricks actually, with more specific links at the bottom:

    http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/relationships/long-distance-relationships-2943.html​


    @Drea - Very true. It's not always to overcome those things and I think that in every relationship you have to be in the right place. And then when you add in time for each other, scheduled time to talk and all the travel to meet you can't always make it.

    ​I agree with your point about it being worth it. I actually say this for most relationships. If you are more unhappy than you are happy it might be time to let go. And in the long run, you may be able to make it work in the future when timing is right and you are in similar places in your lives...both mentally and actually physically! :)


    @Lals - Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us and all your tips. It's good to hear that you are still open to LDRs after being in one, because the world is so big and we can't help where somebody else who we feel a connection to lives, right?! :chin:

    ​It sounds like you were both busy and I can understand how hard it is to keep schedules in time with another person who is miles away from you. But 3 years is a long time and so you guys really committed to it which is really important. I completely agree with all your points about communication. It really is key. Even being in a relationship living around the corner from someone, without good and honest communication you can never know what the other person is really thinking, feeling or doing.


    ​Overall, LDR or not, we all have to find out what and who makes us happy, right? and then LDRs need extra communication and effort to make things extra special. :)

    ​-PositiveAura:rainbow2:
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