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Weight restored anorexic feeling

Hi guys,
Just thought I needed to write this, in case anyone else feels like this but has never admitted it.
So, I have been weight restored since august last year but anorexia hasn't gone away. There are some days when I hate anorexia (and call the anorexia a male on these days), I don't get along with anorexia on these days but I still do some of what it says because it's the only way I know to make myself feel better. On other days I really get along with anorexia (it is a female on these days) and anorexia says things like 'it was t that bad when you were ill, you were slimmer then and you were generally happier in yourself, you were doing well in school, etc' and I listen to this and think, yeah she's right, and I do what she says because I'm getting along with her and I believe her. There are no days when anorexia just shuts up and that's completely normal, the anorexia will try and get to you anyway possible, whether bullying you into doing something or pretending to be your friend. On some days I want to get better so I try my best to ignore him as I want to be free, but in others I give up because I believe in that moment, is the only way to shit her up is to do what she says.
I'm sorry for the rant but I just wanted to express the way I feel, and tell people who may be experiencing the same feelings, that they are not alone and it's perfectly normal to get along with anorexia one day and hate it the next.
All my love
Alice xx

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 5,308 The Mix Elder
    I can relate to this. Although I am having therapy for anorexia, gained so so much weight. Im still under weight. So i don't see my self as anorexic atm. But also get these feelings. And at first I thought yeah ive failed my diagnosised and am a failed anorexic and couldn't be anorexic because at times I wanted to gain weight and be "normal" but that was just the only good thing is that i wanted help to change. I also try my best to ignore the negative things i think. Which is now a lot less then before therapy!
    But thanks for sharing
    The moon taught me: its okay to go through phases. 🌙 The sun taught me : no matter how many times you go down, keep rising🌤
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