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Dilemma with Work Colleague

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Good evening everyone,

​This is about a situation with a girl at work and I would really appreciate some advice.

​Before a work night out in December, we'd never really spoken much apart from the odd bit of small talk whenever we happened to come across each other (lunch breaks, coffee machine etc) but I'd always fancied her since she first started last summer and to my absolute surprise on a work night out in December she told me she fancied me and we didn't leave each other alone all night, culminating in us sleeping together that very night. After this, we spoke daily for weeks until the next work night out which we cut early and once again spent the night with each other, so things seemed to be progressing somewhat. Or so I thought.

​After this night out (new year time), she stopped replying to my messages, apart from the odd short response. Stopped speaking to me as much at work, even going to the extent of blanking me when walking past each other even though i'd say hello or smile. It really messed with my head and throughout January this happened and I was left completely confused and bemused by the situation. In this time, I had asked her twice if she fancied meeting alone so we can have a chat to which she declined, so I opted to leave things. One night when I was out with some colleagues, a friend of hers stated that she said she was backing off so people at work didn't think she was a slag (word had got round that we'd spent 2 nights together) but I still didn't really understand this as we'd got on so well.

​Anyway, as time went on we started having a bit of general conversation here and there at work, the odd few text messages outside of work and things seemed to be going well on a recent work night out a couple of weeks ago until all of a sudden she left and got a taxi home, to no explaination even though we'd been getting on really well and then after this she went back to blanking me at work since.

​I'm completely and utterly confused, baffled, upset and I don't know what to do because I cannot get her out of my head. A close friend of mine who I have confided in has said that he thinks she's playing a game and knows exactly what she is doing but I don't understand what the point of that would be and what it would achieve. He thinks she wants me to make a serious move but from the signals i'm getting e.g asking her for a quiet drink twice and being turned down, getting ignored at work and not responding to messages the last thing I want to do is show myself up by making a strong move and then making things awkward at work!

​Any advice or experiences of this and outcomes would be really appreciated.

Thank you.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is she single?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Southerncomfort, it sounds like you're going through a really difficult time at the moment especially at work.

    Unfortunately out of the blue people can just turn and give no explanation. You've said you have asked her to meet up for a drink and a chat to which she has declined, have you tried telling her that you just want to know where you stand? By doing this you will be cutting straight to the point and maybe she will give in and give you an explanation of some sort?

    I understand this is a difficult situation and when you are trying your best and getting nothing back it can be very annoying. Try to keep your head held high, remember you have done absolutely nothing wrong and if she wont communicate with you you are left with nothing else to do. It sounds like you really care about this person but remember being blanked is no way to be treated.

    Speak soon,
    LC_:wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe she just likes occasional hookups? Or she's confused about whether or not she wants you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, she is single yes. However, I know she has been seeing her ex on and off still (heard from the grapevine)..

    I just don't know how to go about this situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like she's indecisive and doesn't know what or who she wants. Have you asked her what she wants from you?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I haven't no because I feel that would put more pressure on the situation, i've made that mistake before. Plus it would make things a lot more awkward at work I feel. But on the other hand I don't want to be hanging around forever so it's a tough one really. I tried finding the middle ground by asking to meet alone a couple of times but like I say both times I got turned down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you know whether or not she has done this sort of thing to a lot of people?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I couldn't be sure.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do you know anyone who knows her very well?
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