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The Next 5 Words are TRIGGERING

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I want to kill myself.
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Comments

  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey Joel, major prompts for posting when you're feeling so awful, would you like to talk a bit about what's been going on, or what's triggered these feelings? - Keep reaching out to us, were here for you!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I basically had an argument with a friend and it was just the last straw for me really. I just cannot cope with all this life thing anymore.
  • RavenclawRavenclaw Noob Posts: 74 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    Hey Joel,

    I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way, it sounds like there's a lot of things going on which are getting a bit overwhelming for you right now, would you say that's right? If you'd like to, feel free to talk a bit more about those things - if not, do you have any ways to distract yourself until this feeling passes - what do you usually like doing? *hug*

    I also just want to point out that by posting here, you've taken a really great step in the right direction and by reaching out, it hopefully means there is some part of you which does not want to act on such feelings. Well done for doing so, you're doing so well :)

    However, if you feel like you are going to act on those feelings, or even if you just want to talk to someone about it in real time instead of waiting for a reply, have you considered calling a helpline? Such helplines are Samaritans or Papyrus and if you don't want to talk on the phone, there is also the option of emailing. There is absolutely no shame in reaching out that way, even when you're not feeling this way, as Samaritans are happy to listen to a range of issues and can offer a completely impartial point of view on whatever is going on.

    You mentioned arguing with a friend. Obviously I don't know your situation, but do you feel you might be able to talk to them once you have both calmed down, and maybe explain to them how the argument has made you feel? Or alternatively, do you have anyone in your life who knows what you're feeling or who you'd be comfortable talking to about what's been happening?

    Just a little reminder - I know it's hard to believe right now, and the bad parts of our life often make us think that they will never end and we are going to be unhappy forever, but everything is temporary. Just as happiness cannot last forever, neither can this, and these feelings can and will pass with time - we just need to find some ways to cope in the meantime. We are here for you, keep posting if you feel it helps :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Joel,

    I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling like this - just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling today; how have you been doing since you posted?

    I wonder if you've felt like this before, and if you might have strategies in place to help you to come through?

    Ravenclaw has made some really good points above; do keep reaching out to us and remember that you don't have to face these feelings alone. We are here if you'd like to talk some more about what happened.

    Sending hugs *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    @Ravenclaw
    Hey, yeah I would say I feeling really overwhelmed right now. I have my AS exams (first one is tomorrow eek), family issue and friend issues all going off at once. And I also think there's something wrong with me so I barely trust even myself.
    I would usually play guitar to calm down and sing a little. But since I've been like this, I've been too shaky to play and have just screwed the chords and stuff up, making me even more frustrated and upset.

    I contacted Samaritans before and was quite hurt really since they hung up on me. So I won't do it again.

    The argument with my friend was actually about how I feel. I was pointing out that I felt like they were treating me differently to how they used to. But they seem to think I've deluded myself to the point of not knowing the truth. It isn't the first time it's happened with someone, so I'm starting to think maybe I did somehow. He also has AS exams so he has basically said he wants nothing to do with it, which I understand but at the same time really upset me since he's one of my best friends. The only one who knew how I was feeling and stuff was him.

    @raich
    Hey, I'm doing a little better. But I'm still pretty upset and thinking of killing myself really.

    I have felt like this before but I never really had a strategy to help myself. I just cried it out really.
  • MikeMike 🖥️🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,526 Community Manager
    How're you doing today, Joel? Hope things haven't been too rough. :)

    I had a very similar experience with Samaritans, and it killed my willingness to get in touch with them again afterwards. For me, it felt like a rejection, almost, even though I knew it was likely a tech glitch or just human error. I say this because I think it's important to remember that everyone behind those phones, answering those emails, etc are individuals and the actions of one don't represent the whole organisation. Whether there's a missed email or a dropped phone (regardless of reasoning), it's not a reflection of you, and listening to people and helping them through dark times is fundamentally what they're there for. Ravenclaw suggested Papyrus - have you ever been in touch with them/do you think you would like to (maybe as an alternative to Samaritans)?

    On the point about the argument with your best friend, it really sounds like terrible timing that all this has erupted around exam time! It's never easy when the people closest to you aren't around (let alone when you need them most), but then it's sounding like you can empathise with him needing to focus on exams. I imagine it's left you feeling a little stranded?

    On a more personal note, I want to say I have a lot of respect for the way you've come forward about all this. Not being afraid to confront these feelings and being honest with yourself is step one - you're doing great. :) Crying it out isn't necessarily unhealthy, either; let it out.
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Want to join the community champions? Drop @TheMix a message!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    @Mike
    I'm doing about the same really. My exam went awful...

    I won't deal with the Samaritans again. It wasn't a tech error or anything. I was scared and alone and I know they personally hung up on me because they kept trying to make me do it. I was too scared to and then they left. It was a horrible experience, I was alone and scared and felt like nobody cared. I'm surprised I survived it.
    I've never looked in Papyrus. I don't know if they do email/text/webchats which I usually use more than calling.

    Yeah I feel pretty stranded, I understand my friend but at the same time I kind of need his company really.

    Crying it out is stupid. It just makes things worse because my parents yell at me for it, for being weak...
  • louisa982louisa982 Thesite.org oldie Posts: 286 The Mix Regular
    Hey joel

    Sorry to hear about your experience with Samaritans! There are lots more services out there that you can use. Including our very own live chat which happens 8pm-9.30pm sunday-thursday everyday. You can get peer to peer support and a bit of advice from lots of people who know. And just to let you know, You are not weak for crying. I would say it makes you stronger.

    Here are some links you may find usefull

    7cups: http: www.7cups.com
    childline: www.childline.org.uk
    get connected: www.getconnected.org.uk
    group chat: http://www.thesite.org/chat/live-chat

    Take care
    Louisa
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With samaritans, It's always worth a few times as some of their phone volunteers are better than others. If you're unhappy with the way the Samaritans have dealt with it, you can always email them and voice your opinion on how you've been treated.

    I hope you're doing better today *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    @louisa982 - You're live chat doesn't work so... The links are okay but they don't really solve my problems. Thanks for trying though :)

    @Hiccup - I've spoken to different Samaritans and they all treat me like I was insane. I don't want to go through that again.


    I'm doing a little better lately. My exams are almost over so I'm not quite as stressed. Just one more for psychology.
  • louisa982louisa982 Thesite.org oldie Posts: 286 The Mix Regular
    Joel wrote: »
    @louisa982 - You're live chat doesn't work so... The links are okay but they don't really solve my problems. Thanks for trying though :)

    @Hiccup - I've spoken to different Samaritans and they all treat me like I was insane. I don't want to go through that again.


    I'm doing a little better lately. My exams are almost over so I'm not quite as stressed. Just one more for psychology.


    Hey joel

    sorry to hear that live chat doesnt work but happy to hear that you are a little better and less stressed :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm done. I'm so fucking done. I just can't do this anymore
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hey Joel what's going on? We are here to listen!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What isn't going on?
    Everybody hates me, everyone wants me gone so I should just fucking do it. My own parents fucking hate me, my so called 'friends' hate me. I have nobody left who actually wants me here...
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Joel - I'm afraid I can only respond on here, I know you had bad experience with Samaritans but have you tried Papyrus if you would like to talk a bit more?

    I know it probably sounds very easy for me to say but I genuinely believe you shouldn't harm yourself - things may seem impossible right now but all I can say is things do get better. You have a long life ahead of you and so much time to be who you are and find people who value that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't talk on the phone, I'm scared my family would overhear me...

    I told someone just a little bit of everything earlier. They are an adult and I thought maybe they could help. They just said the world doesn't revolve around me. That that's life. If that's life, I really don't see the point.
  • RavenclawRavenclaw Noob Posts: 74 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
    I'm really sorry to hear what's happening Joel. It was really brave of you to reach out and tell someone earlier what's happening, and I can imagine it must have been really difficult when they responded so unhelpfully, dismissing your feelings. Feeling the way you do doesn't mean you think the world revolves around you, your feelings are completely valid, and the adult who said that's life is wrong. Life can be so much better - there are up periods and down periods, and one day you may look back on this down period and be sad, but it will be over, and things will be different.

    Until things get better, are there any other adults or people who you might be able to talk to? Not everyone will react so unhelpfully - unfortunately people sometimes just get so caught up with their own things that they forget that other people can feel bad too and that everyone feelings and experiences are valid, or sometimes they just don't know how to react to someone in pain and so they dismiss it in the hopes that it will go away -- so it may be that their reaction was nothing personal, but more of a lack of understanding of how to react or help. You also mentioned feeling like your parents and friends hate you -- what is making you feel that way?

    I completely understand not wanting to talk on the phone, I find that hard too - have you ever tried emailing Papyrus instead? Just another option in case you haven't tried that one.

    In the meantime, we're still here for you and care what happens to you. Sending lots of hugs. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They just hate me. My own parents kicked me out and want nothing to do with me. My 'friends' have just left, they don't want anything to do with me anymore. I don't have anyone I can talk to, not anymore. It really hurts. I just feel so lost and abandoned.

    I didn't know Papyrus had an email.
  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hi Joel, :wave:

    How are you doing today? Sorry to hear you say that your friends and family hate, sounds like a really hard thing to deal with. You were saying that you don't have anyone to talk to anymore, your welcome to talk on here as much as you'd like to, everyone is here to listen and support you.

    The details for Papyrus's email and text services can be found here hope this helps :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm doing a bit better after the live chat last night. It was nice to actually be involved a little and actually try to explain how I feel.
  • MikeMike 🖥️🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,526 Community Manager
    Joel wrote: »
    I'm doing a bit better after the live chat last night. It was nice to actually be involved a little and actually try to explain how I feel.

    Glad to hear chat helped last night - sounds like you were able to decompress, even if just a little. It's cool that you're finally able to make it in to the sessions. :yippe:
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Want to join the community champions? Drop @TheMix a message!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm back in this state... I don't want to do anything. I just want to curl up and die...
  • Jacob101Jacob101 Posts: 687 Incredible Poster
    Joel wrote: »
    I'm back in this state... I don't want to do anything. I just want to curl up and die...

    Hello Joel,

    I am so sorry that you feel this way. Has anything happened for you to feel this way?

    I am always here if you want to talk *hug*
    ''You were in the wilderness
    Looking for your own purpose
    Then you became a butterfly, a butterfly
    I knew you always would''

    - James Arthur (YOU)
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Hey Joel.

    I don't know wether you have heard of kooth it's online counselling for young people unfortunately only in certain areas but it maybe a worth typing kooth in search engine and having a look. If the live chat helped you can talk to a counsellor on kooth aswell
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kooth isn't available in my area... As if we don't have issues too...

    Nothing particularly happened, I have just slipped gradually back into this state.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Just pretend that it does ;)! Desperate times lead to desperate measures when you just want someone to talk to online. I am on kooth and my area isn't covered haha! Oh well
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm... I suppose I could just go for the closest area...
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Yep they're open at 6pm tonight untill 10pm 👍
  • MikeMike 🖥️🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,526 Community Manager
    Great to see you still reaching out for support here, Joel. Props to you. :)

    How are you feeling today? Any luck with @Lost_sense's suggestion about Kooth?
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Want to join the community champions? Drop @TheMix a message!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I still feel awful... I tried Kooth a few times now but just get stuck in queues and I don't really have all that much time for just waiting around...
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