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I don't know what's wrong with me 😡

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
I honestly don't know what is wrong with me. I sometimes hear voices, i often have thoughts that don't seem to be mine, as if someone has implanted them into my head, i see things out of the corner of my eye and when i turn to look in that direction there is nothing there and i am super paranoid.

Okay let me tell you about the voices i sometimes hear. I used to hear voices when i was about 8. I remember one distinct time when i was laying in my bed and a really loud angry voice shouted "you stupid girl you didn't press the right button!" It was completely random, out of the blue and it scared me... a lot. I cried and my mum came to me and told me that i dreamed it when i am 100% certain i didn't. Another time when i was 8 i kicked a football away from my brother and a voice told me to pick it up and say sorry, so that's what i did. Then the voices stopped until last year.

I was on a bike ride with my mum when i heard "6, 7" repeated to me multiple times. My mum said she never heard it and that i must have imagined it. The thing is, i had been baptized a few months before and i convinced myself that it was God telling me Bible passages. More recently, I was laying in my bed reading my book when i thought "i have to sleep now" and then only a few seconds later a female voice right in my left ear said "you don't need to". Then i heard "hellooo" and another voice, but i could make out what it was saying. Then last night (this one scared me a lot) i was laying in bed when i heard a young girl humming a tune, i don't know what it was to. It was really quiet though but i could just make it out and i thought i was going insane. (Please note i don't hear these voices often, only on occasion)

Now the thoughts that don't seem to be mine scare me a lot also. They are often very negative, telling me i'm worthless, that no one cares, that i should just kill myself. I am NOT thinking these i am certain of it! One time i was being really positive because i had done some really good artwork, i was saying "this is so good!" and then a thought came into my head that was completely random and was saying "no it's not, its rubbish". Also when it comes to exams, thoughts come into my head telling me i'm going to fail or that there is no point in trying and this just makes me lose motivation not just to do the exams but also to do homework and classwork that has been set. I don't know how to explain this but sometimes these thoughts sound like my friends, though they are just thoughts and not voices...i'm sorry if that makes no sense.

I have seen things, as i mentioned above, but they are often out of the corner of my eye. Maybe something moving or something i know shouldn't be there and when i turn to look there is nothing unusual there. But there have been times when i have seen things that aren't in the corner of my eye and these were shadow figures. One time was when i was with my dad in the car and it was dark and we were driving home. Halfway home i saw the shadow of an old man with a walking stick walk right in front of our car, but when i blinked it was gone. My dad never saw it. Another time i had woken up in the night and i saw 2 shadow figures, one was tall and the other was small as if it was a father and his child.

As for being super paranoid, i often think people are talking about me, watching me or judging me or people don't actually want to be friends with me and they are just out of pity or something. I don't know if this is normal but i hate always being this paranoid and suspicious of people.

Along with all this, i often question what is real and what isn't... Like if i hear a beep i will ask someone if they heard it too, or if i saw something i will ask someone if they also saw it.

I don't know what is happening. Am i going crazy? Do i need to go to a hospital? See a psychiatrist or something? Please i really need someones advice and help. (By the way i am also a 15 year old girl)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there @Eternalkiss and welcome to The Mix community :)

    Well done for reaching out about this and telling us your story. It sounds like you've been hearing voices occasionally from a young age and that you have been checking them out with other people and so far no one else has heard them too. You also talked about feeling paranoid and you're worried you might be going crazy and that you hate feelings this way. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this *hug*

    Opening up is a really good first step and you are really welcome here to talk about what's going on for you, we'll do our best to support you in any way we can :yes:

    So, first off, hearing voices is more common than you might think, research shows that 1 in 12 teens hear voices at some point, so, you're not alone. You might want to check out the Voice Collective - they are an organisation based in London supporting young people that hear voices and believe in helping people find ways of coping and recovering from hearing or seeing things, especially when these things can sometimes be frightening, here is a link to their site: http://www.voicecollective.co.uk/about-voices/ There is lots of information and support on their site that you might find useful to read.

    The Hearing Voices Network also has lots of information and support that can help you to understand more what might be going on for you: http://www.hearing-voices.org/voices-visions/

    There can be many reasons for hearing or seeing things - it may be due to stress or anxiety for example. It sounds as though you're worrying a lot about what other people think and feel about you and that sort of paranoia can also feed into these experiences you're having.

    If the voices are becoming more frequent and/or upsetting you at all then your first port of call would be to make an appointment with your GP to talk about what's been going on, and do keep talking to your family when you feel able to. Perhaps you could read through some of the information on the links together to learn more?

    There is a great site called Docready that can help you prepare for seeing the doctor to make sure you get the most out of your appointment if you decide you'd like to talk to a professional and get some more in depth support.

    How are things more generally in your life at the moment? Have you got exams? What sorts of things do you enjoy doing? It would be great to get to know you a little more :)
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