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*Triggering* I want to end my life

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Comments

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,428 Part of The Furniture
    apandav wrote: »

    Yeah things have calmed down now and started to feel a bit better after watching a film.

    Now I'm just thinking about life, i feel so jealous when I look on my Facebook newsfeed. I know it doesn't mean to say people's lives are good etc. but I feel like mine doesn't compare. Makes me sad as although I've managed to stay overall more content the past couple of days, I've been clock watching waiting for the day to end. I watched TV all day, but kept checking the time, feels like no life. Now I was planning to go to bed earlier (to pass time) but I'm too awake now and I'm getting into one of those debates about life (which normally results in me feeling crap in the end) and I'm all out of distractions :(

    Now today was a lazy day, what the heck will I do tomorrow? my box set that I've managed to get into will be finished soon and that's me all out of stuff to do :( plus I can't do this the rest of my life!


    *hug*s

    How you feeling today?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072


    *hug*s

    How you feeling today?

    Thanks for asking!

    Honestly, kinda crap....... been trying to distract myself , this is no life, advice I got was to keep distracted until I see the psychologist on Thursday :( this is no life
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    apandav wrote: »

    Thanks for asking!

    Honestly, kinda crap....... been trying to distract myself , this is no life, advice I got was to keep distracted until I see the psychologist on Thursday :( this is no life

    You might have seen this already, but just thought I'd link you to this thread on distractions - there's quite a few ideas and hopefully you can find a few that might help! *hug*
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    raich wrote: »

    You might have seen this already, but just thought I'd link you to this thread on [URL="http://vbulletin.thesite.org/forum/thesite-topics/health-wellbeing/139718-self-harm-distractions"]distractions[/URL] - there's quite a few ideas and hopefully you can find a few that might help! *hug*

    Thank you for the link raich, it has a lot of good ideas!

    Had a better day today- went for a walk this morning, enjoyed watching a film with my mum, did some colouring and just watched an episode of my favourite programme. I've actually had a nice day so far, feeling a lot better.
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,428 Part of The Furniture
    Really good to hear you're feeling better apandav, and that you've had a nice day :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Day started off great, now I want to explode, I'm so overwhelmed, frsutrated etc. you name it :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear that apandav *hug* Do you want to talk about what's happened?
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Thanks Raich

    It's stupid!

    Oh and now I'm paranoid that people are making fun of me behind my back, after these two people commented on a Facebook post , which is public and I can't find the comments and now I've lost it!

    I woke up with my same old worries about future and thinking things will go bad, but I forced myself to try to sleep, so I've been sleeping for an extra hour and now.........I'm so scared I had a nightmare, 4 different terrible things happened, and it's stuff that could happen........I AM PANICKING RIGHT NOW.

    Feeling crap :crying: a million different things at once!!! Feel like I'm loosing it right now
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Oh and then after my nightmare I thought I saw someone in my room ...........it was just a shadow from a bit of light in my room :(
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Ugh what the fuck am I going to do today :( I can't take this, hurry up psychologist appointment !!?

    I'm trying to "stay busy" or I think and I'm all out of stuff to do and sick of the same old stuff but there's nothing else to do or anything I feel interested in........I finally distracted myself for the first time in a while and it's gone kaput
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    PANICKING ABOUT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW :crying:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey apandav,

    I'm sorry to hear about all the nightmares and the panic :(

    Hope you're doing better, and best of luck for the appointment tomorrow *hug*
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    apandav wrote: »
    PANICKING ABOUT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW :crying:


    Okay, take a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth, do that a few times, allow yourself to calm down. Now take a step back from everything that is piling up, be aware it's there, but avoid focussing on it. Just focus on you. How does your body feel, use mindfulness as a way to alm down, focussing on the sensations going through your body.

    Okay, once you calm down, look at what's in front of you (What is causing you to panic) - Write it ALL down on a long list - Don't look at the list and think of shit, this is long, look at it in a way that each issue on this list can be tacked, not all together, but one at a time. You can even share the list on here, and we can help you tackle them.

    First, deal with the first thing on your list, get to the core of why you're panicing about it, and look at ways you can reduce that panic, we can help you with that, so you don't have to do it alone.

    Don't jump onto the second thing, go take a frekking break, you deserve one! - Do something like a quick stroll up and down the road, make food, whatever, I don't care, wait, I do, do something that helps distract you for a moment, something you enjoy, only something little, then go on to the next one. Remember throughout, reassure yourself, it will be okay, even if you think it won't or that it's all a mess, you can do this m'larkey, because you practically have all of TS routing for you, clearly!!

    Were here for you though, use us to your advantage,

    YOU CAN DO THIS,
    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart

    I'm one of those that fails to realize that date of a post, sorry about late reply, how are you doing today? :heart:
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Thanks @raich
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072


    Okay, take a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth, do that a few times, allow yourself to calm down. Now take a step back from everything that is piling up, be aware it's there, but avoid focussing on it. Just focus on you. How does your body feel, use mindfulness as a way to alm down, focussing on the sensations going through your body.

    Okay, once you calm down, look at what's in front of you (What is causing you to panic) - Write it ALL down on a long list - Don't look at the list and think of shit, this is long, look at it in a way that each issue on this list can be tacked, not all together, but one at a time. You can even share the list on here, and we can help you tackle them.

    First, deal with the first thing on your list, get to the core of why you're panicing about it, and look at ways you can reduce that panic, we can help you with that, so you don't have to do it alone.

    Don't jump onto the second thing, go take a frekking break, you deserve one! - Do something like a quick stroll up and down the road, make food, whatever, I don't care, wait, I do, do something that helps distract you for a moment, something you enjoy, only something little, then go on to the next one. Remember throughout, reassure yourself, it will be okay, even if you think it won't or that it's all a mess, you can do this m'larkey, because you practically have all of TS routing for you, clearly!!

    Were here for you though, use us to your advantage,

    YOU CAN DO THIS,
    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart

    I'm one of those that fails to realize that date of a post, sorry about late reply, how are you doing today? :heart:

    Thank you for your reply :heart:

    No worries :) - it's easily done but I will definitely keep your tips in mind :yes:

    Currently I am unable to sleep due to being nervous for my psychology appointment this morning- think I will be finding out the outcome of my assessment !
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,428 Part of The Furniture
    *hug*s :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    *hug*s :heart:

    Thank you :heart:
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Almost an hour now until my appointment #scared
  • Cat88Cat88 Moderator Posts: 377 Boards Initiate
    Hi Amanda thinking of you for your appointment, really hope it goes ok for you x
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Best of luck Amanda.
    For a lot of people, these things are often more scary when we're waiting for them to happen - once we're there, it's often not as bad as we'd feared. I hope that's the case for you :)
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Thanks Cat and James! I feel I need to start a new thread, where I am going to talk about my appointment
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Feeling this way right now ^^^ ........ Bad thoughts started again this weekend! I haven't slept at all, tried to phone helpline but they said it wasn't viable as I was whispering and they couldn't hear me well
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    I kinda want to phone the numbers my psychologist gave me for MH team, when I feel ........ but I'm scared I say anything, ever since the police incident (they came to my house and made me phone my parents to come home). It wasn't them it was a helpline but just that fear, as the MH team know about last time!!!
  • apandavapandav :) Posts: 2,072
    Absolutely disgusted in myself, please don't judge when I say this.....I've been comfort eating and when I feel down, stressed, anxious I go out and buy sweets and binge (and I mean binge, I am appalled by it). Anyways feeling shit this morning as my clothes are getting tight in places they were never before :(
  • MikeMike 🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,608 Community Manager
    apandav wrote: »
    Absolutely disgusted in myself, please don't judge when I say this.....I've been comfort eating and when I feel down, stressed, anxious I go out and buy sweets and binge (and I mean binge, I am appalled by it). Anyways feeling shit this morning as my clothes are getting tight in places they were never before :(

    Hey apandav,

    There is no judgement here, for sure. We all have our different coping mechanisms but it can be really tough when they start to have a negative effect on us. It's worth bearing in mind that it's not necessarily something that you're to blame for, though. While we are usually able to make conscious decisions and have our own distinctions between right and wrong, the way we feel and the things we do when we feel like we're at our limit can sometimes feel out of our control. This can feel most true during times where we don't feel like we have the support in place for ourselves that we ultimately need.

    You can get in touch with B-eat, the UK’s leading charity supporting anyone affected by eating disorders or difficulties with food, weight and shape. TheSite also has an article on binge and compulsive eating which you might find helpful.

    ​I notice you're talking about this in your other thread about your clinical psychology appointment, too. Perhaps it might be easier to keep discussion about this in that thread for now? Just to make things easier for people to keep track of and prevent things being repeated. :)




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