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My daughter is struggling with alcohol

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not sure what to do here on this site but it looks like I might get something out of it.

My name is L and my daughter is an Alcoholic.

I possibly don't need to go through all the heartache
my wife and I have been through over the years and boy we've had them
but It would be good to talk to someone in same circumstances.

My daughter has a two year old boy and they both live with us which
Is difficult enough as we are acting as his parents.

She's fallen off the wagon after a long time and I'm devastated.
We ALWAYS have to pick up the pieces.

I love my daughter so much.

Anyway, any advice would be welcome

L

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello L - sorry this is quite a late reply from someone, theres a lot on this site and things get missed now and then.

    Firstly it's good you're reaching for support :) However ,although I think it's okay anyway, TheSite is aimed at young people 16-25 however there have been older and younger people use this site before so I wouldn't worry too much about that. It's more of a fact you might come across some slightly younger people than you were expecting that's all.

    Does your daughter have any support other than you two about her situation? She's probably finding life very tough right now and needs some extra help to support her and encourage her to get better or at least improve. I know that you love her very much by how you are looking for ways to try and help which is really great but there is also so much you and your wife can manage too. You need to remember to look after you guys as well. Situations like this are stressful for everyone involved.
    Maybe it would be a good idea to sit her down and have a chat with her about things and see what level of understanding you are all on?

    There are pages within this website that look at alchoholism. Have a look under "Get Info" where you can find advice pages and there is also a seperate forum found in the Discussion Boards called "Drink and Drugs".

    Hope this can help you


    Jazzmaraz
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jazzmaraz

    Thanks for you welcome and reply. Please don't worry about the age thing. I might be older but young at heart. (I'm not that old haha) I also understand that regardless of age you still have the problems that are mentioned on this site. In fact, being younger migt possibly make the situations worse.

    Anyway. My daughter knows she has a problem. Is taken a few years but she acknowledges that if she carried on the way she did (and does) she will die. We've duscussed it with her and she's under no illusions. She goes to AA and has a buddy. This helps quite a bit. Obviously her son is a big factor and she is focussing a lot on that issue too to help her keep sober. Yes, it is a strain on us but I cannot look away and let her destroy her life without trying to do something.

    one big problem about the "incidents" is that she has no memory of how she got in the situations, how she got drunk, how she even got the alcohol. Eventually we piece together the events but that's obviously after when we've all been through hell and back. I can't really put myself in her position and imagine what she is going through.
    Thanks again for speaking to me.

    L
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    From what I understand addictions often can be difficult to be understood by an observer. It can be hard to see the reasons why a person can't just quit or can't immediately sort their life out. Do you think it would help you if you understood more about it?

    I'm not saying stop supporting her, I mean that it could he useful if you and your wife had your own support in addition. Which I guess is what you're doing being on here. You wouldn't be abandoning her or leaving her to it by asking for more help.

    I'm not sure how much help I can be as I don't know much of this topic. I'll keep an eye out for links that might be helpful. I expect one of the more experienced users here will be able to offer you some more advice. I suggest starting a similar thread in the "Drink and Drugs" section in the boards. You're more likely to get more specific support there :-)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello sattelite. Have you tried seeking help in an addiction specialist? They can able to well-inform you in your daughter's problem. It's a big factor that you support her. Keep doing that. Doing a research might help you. My auntie is an alcoholic and I helped my cousin on searching for a rehab addiction program, luckily, there are effective therapies that can help them detoxify and rebuild their life. Don't lose hope. I'm wishing everything will be good for your daughter as well as to my auntie.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you everyone for your comments.weve had another incident since this post and it was a very worriying one. She has injured herself and my wife. When we calmed her down and she sobered up the next day she is distraught and amazed how she can do this to herself and us. She is seeking more help and we carry on. I don't how much more we can take. We hope this might be the last. But we don't kid ourselves.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Satellite wrote: »
    Thank you everyone for your comments.weve had another incident since this post and it was a very worriying one. She has injured herself and my wife. When we calmed her down and she sobered up the next day she is distraught and amazed how she can do this to herself and us. She is seeking more help and we carry on. I don't how much more we can take. We hope this might be the last. But we don't kid ourselves.

    Hey Satellite, I'm really sorry to hear about what happened and I just wanted to point you to our article on helping an addict.

    I also wonder if you've heard of Addaction? They run a number of specialist services aimed specifically at families and carers that help them to understand and cope with a loved one's addiction. You can search for services near you using this link: http://www.addaction.org.uk/service-finder.asp?section=98&sectionTitle=Service+finder

    Supporting yourself is really important, do you have good friends you can trust to confide in? Try not to feel guilty about making time for yourself to do the things that you enjoy. You need that space to re-charge and to look after your own needs too.

    If you need a non-judgemental listening ear then Supportline are also worth knowing about: http://www.supportline.org.uk/

    Wishing you all the best *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear that Satellite. Please don't lose hope, always stay beside her and always comfort her, trust me she really need you right now. Have you already contacted some specialist? or try to get help in a rehab center?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's not too late to help your daughter . help her to get back again. convince her to go to aa. or ask for help to the specialist. I'm sure there are lot of Drug Recovery Rehabilitation around your area. or look to the internet. there are lot's of way to help your daughter.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there, I'm sorry to hear what ur going through. This can not be easy for the whole family and those who care about ur daughters at this difficult time.

    I know u cant change someone's behaviour but all u can do is make them aware of how it's effecting everyone around them. Without being pushy or negative u could always start with the conversation as I feel then You make me feel. You see how different the two sentences are.

    Have u and ur wife had any counselling in dealing with these emotions and feelings ur experiencing? Your going through a hard time two.

    All u can do is be there for her without getting on her back all the time. Your daughter may not know she has a problem but she needs to figure that for herself. I still do think u need to act as parent by protecting ur daughter from any danger or harm and to protect the kids as well.

    I'm sure u and ur wife are both trying ur best. This won't cure over night but with the help and support by u and ur partner there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

    There's a couple of helplines which u may find useful...

    The Smartians on 08457 90 90 90. They are 24/7 and can be contacted by there number provided, email or letter.

    Mind can be found on the website www.mind.org.uk. They are open between the hours of 9.30 - 5.30 Monday to Friday and u can ring them or send them an email

    Drink Awarness can be found on the website www.drinkawarness.co.uk and u can speak to someone by phone or email.

    I hope those sites are some help and remember to get in touch again.

    Hugs x
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