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Fear of the fact that I will die is eating me alive

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Note before you read: I'm 17 years old and the problem at hand has only been with me for about 4 days. I'm not religious.

I don't typically post on forums or ask people for help, but I'm feeling as if I need someone to talk to or I at least need to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. about 4 days ago the thought of death entered my mind, ever since that time I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

I fear not only about my own death not as much about how I will die but more the fact that I will die in general. that goes hand in hand with my mother I am very afraid that she will die at some point soon, yet she's only 52.

I try to tell myself that they are irrational thought, that no matter what I'm going to die so I should live my life to the fullest, but the thoughts are so powerful and so constant that I can't force myself to do anything else but think about them.

I visited a local Crisis Center and was evaluated but was sent home with an appointment which is upcoming to be seen by a psychiatrist. My problems were not fixed though I was given no therapy, I was given no medication and tonight at 12 midnight I am sitting here with my mind racing continuously thinking about dying and the fact that no matter what I do no matter what anyone does, I am in fact going to die. Its definite its inevitable and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

I'm sure that some of you are going to tell me to simply not think about it but I've already tried that and I can't force myself not to think about it, I tried as hard as I can but it won't go away.

I wish a switch in my head would flip and I would not think about this until I inevitably die but obviously that is not a real option.

is anyone here trained in this? does anyone else here suffer from this the way I do? please give me some kind of help because I can't fix this on my own and I have to wait eight days until my appointment. I have no idea how I'm going to stay sane in these eight days or get rid of these thoughts in these days. I feel like these 4 days and I've been suffering from this so far are 4 days off of my life that I will not get back.

Sorry for rambling on and on and on. Please help me.

I used my phone's voice to text feature to type this because I am a little bit too upset to type it out with my fingers so if my text comes up as nonsense or is lacking punctuation I do apologize.

Feel free to ask me anything you feel I left out.

Comments

  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi Austin,

    Glad you've found TheSite and have felt able to post.

    The thoughts you're experiencing at the moment are understandably worrying you - and it sounds like you're dealing with quite an intense form of anxiety.

    It also sounds like you're putting quite a lot of pressure on yourself to be rid of these thoughts and fix them - which is understandable given the stress they are causing. However, for the time-being it might be fair to say that these thoughts may linger, but being able to manage them (or as you say, stay sane) is a priority before your appointment arrives.

    We are not professionals in the true sense of the word here on TheSite, but the community (and TheSite more broadly) does have a wealth of experience and knowledge that you may find helpful to tap into.

    For example, we have a mental health section you might find helpful to explore. Particularly the content around anxiety and how to cope.

    You mention you're 17 at the moment so I'm wondering if you're at school or have other things to keep you occupied day-to-day? It would be good to get a sense of how those things are going for you at the moment.

    Finally, I get the sense from the time you posted you might not be in the UK? (we are primarily a UK based community?)

    However, if you are, you may find it helpful to explore the C.A.L.M live web chat where you can get some 1-2-1 support in real time: https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/webchat/

    You're also really welcome to join us for support chat tonight on TheSite - and we also have general chat which can be good for distraction.

    Here's a link to find out more: http://www.thesite.org/community/thesocial/chat

    Unfortunately we're not on mobile just yet, but will be very soon.

    It's really important to be talking at times like this, so do stay connected.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've felt the way you have for just over a year, it comes and goes. Sometimes it's so overwhelming I feel like I can't breathe. Sometimes I forget I ever felt that way.
    I can't give you a solution as I haven't found one myself but I do not have therapy either. All I can say is persist on getting a therapist because it can really help.
    In the mean time... Just know that you're not alone, that you're not the only one who feels the way you do.
    I'm sorry I can't offer you any more comfort or advice. That I can't take your anxiety away because I promise you, I wish someone could take my anxiety away. I've suffered for a year but bit by bit out does get better.
    My thoughts are with you!
  • louisa982louisa982 Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    I'm afraid I can't really suggest something helpful but I can tell you , your not the only one. I have been thinking about this since year 6 ( age 10) and when I had my first realisation I could cry myself to sleep thinking that I may not even wake up and it scared me sick. I don't think about it constantly but I'm now 17 and it still comes in my head often and it makes me have intense pain inside and I feel really weird. When it happens I normally physically shake myself and go and sing or watch a video/tv and just constantly describe what's going on out loud .This helps as I can't hear my own thoughts and eventually it goes. I'm so sorry it's happening to you. But your not alone , louisa x
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