Update on things

Redemption

I was off work on Monday, I’m off every Monday, but the plumber was coming and I felt like it looked bad me being in bed, even though he just came and did his job. Tbh you think people don’t worry about what we think but some people do, the neighbours were questioning if we work and we’ve had some really heated issues with them. I guess though it’s better to get up and be productive anyway, but for myself, not because of what people think. I feel like it looks worse with more labour type jobs like builders or window cleaners. When I was fresh out of school we had builders in Monday to Friday and I’d dropped out of college and wasn’t doing much, and that’s when it felt really bad just being at home while they saw that. Saying that, an estate agent once came round to value the house, came into my room with family and I was lying on my bed, not in bed, and I felt like it looked bad, like I was drunk or something. I think it’s just any working person really, but at the same time I know I shouldn’t worry about what people think of me sitting in my own house.

It can be uncomfortable having visitors round in general. I remember around lockdown time when someone was round and I was just walking downstairs and they asked where I was going, which felt awkward. I don’t have any health issues, touch wood, and I find it extremely hard not to take things for granted, and I feel like I’m relying on things to move forwards rather than go backwards. I’m not prepared to lose anything I have and it would break me if I did. I’ve also been thinking of cutting down my drinking because it will save me money too, I used to drink every day a few years ago, whereas now it’s more a few times a week, usually Friday to Sunday.

Callum

Hey @Redemption Thanks for sharing all of these thoughts. I'm hearing that you feel really uncomfortable when there's visitors in your house, such as trades people or estate agents, and it has you reflecting on your own choices and feeling guilty for them in your own house. It sounds like these feelings came back up when the plumber was at your house on Monday. It's normal to feel this way, they're not there to judge yet it's so normal for us to feel judged and guilty in our own homes. I'm wondering how you are feeling now that some time has passed since the plumber came and you've had a chance to reflect on those feelings?

Ech0

@Redemption It sounds like you’ve been carrying this pressure for a long time and that’s such a distressing place to be, I can imagine anyone in that position would feel on edge.

I can understand it is a vulnerable feeling, like suddenly your safe space doesn’t feel fully yours for a moment especially if people you don’t know well see you. But there is nothing to be ashamed of if you are resting, lying on your bed or doing nothing You don’t owe anyone the performance of being busy or productive. Taking time for yourself is important and you deserve to feel at ease in your own home. The fact that part of you already recognises it’s better to do things for yourself rather than because of what people think can help you achieve that .

The pressure you feel about protecting what you’ve built and making sure things don’t go backwards is completely understandable and it shows how much you value your life and what you’ve worked for. But it doesn’t mean you have to overextend yourself to prove anything to anyone else and your worries don’t define you.

Also the way you’ve already shifted your drinking over time is something we are proud of you for Going from every day to just a few times a week takes effort and is worth celebrating. You’re not stuck, and you’re not failing because you are doing so well. Every step you take is progress no matter how small and it all helps you move forward to the future you wish for.