Feeling alone (long thread)

Redemption

Ive been feeling alone like I said in my Valentine’s thread just in relationships but for general too. Now I have a job, if the right woman came up I'd jump at it straight away. Im not sure how I'll meet someone fully, maybe just when appropriate, in an appropriate setting and stuff just say hi, introduce myself to someone etc like at work. I just feel like people aren't gonna want to date "the cleaner", its a store I work in with shop assistants and thats likely to be not many people's dream job either, its quite an lower end job itself without sounding arrogant, like thats not what I'm trying to do, Im a cleaner myself but I just feel like cleaner is the lowest of all in terms of entry level jobs. I was looking for a job like working in the store, if a job working in the store came up I'd be interested, ideally I want someone nearer to home but in the store, more hours , its more money so make more sense with fuel costs. Its quite a lot on fuel, its quite depressing the fuel costs but I'm still saving money from my job and getting more than I did. I want to get a savings account and maybe an isa account too for a house because I still live at home and not got any plans to move out anytime soon, I don't really need to. Just my job is just a starting point, I just feel judged by everyone, I feel like everyone is looking down at me like I'm some "dirty cleaner", im maybe overthinking and being too harsh on myself but thats how its feels, I feel like no one wants to be seen hanging out with me, no one has said anything or done anything, its probably just my mind just thinking worst case.

I know everyone has to start somewhere but people start off in better positions, better jobs etc and I know ive been told probably hundreds of times not to compare myself to people, not to worry about what people think but I find it really hard. I can't control what people think but if I could change it id like most people to respect my current job, understand its a important job, its hard to make money, the job market is tough etc because thats how it is , tbf I think these days society and everything is becoming more kinder, less judgemental etc like mental health 15 20 years ago would have had more stigma but now its a lot more recognised, on the other hand there is still stigma towards it, same again with stigma towards jobs or society expecting you to have it all in your 20s or 30 etc, its still there. I know I complained all the time about not having a job for literally agees and now im in one i still complain but I am happier overall, its just a few issues I have. I just feel negative too with like not getting to where I expected to be straight away, previously just being on courses that felt repetitive, I spent a long while being put on courses which felt irrelevant to jobs or getting me into works, I faced getting my hopes up, just for another setback and it felt long term on going.

I spent years growing up just worried about my future and like during tge job search I was worried about it so I just jumped at the opportunity even though where its not where I want to be. Im not sure where I want to be fully, I have some ideas but I want to be realistic too. I don't have my gcses too and not like theres anything wrong with doing them later, I don't really want to be 20s plus redoing them. I do have functional skills though, i felt so self conscious doing them in my 20s but I did them, I have done loads of things I dreaded having to do, volunteeing which I hated tbh, doing unpaid work I dreaded ending up doing that then did end up in that, thats happened a multiple times, ive dreamed having to do something but had to do it, like this cleaning job I dreaded having to end up in that and didnt expect it but did end up in it, it is actually alright overall, people are nice there, people say hi to me and stuff. I feel like its the right sort of thing just to ease me in too, its not forever too, like if I was stuck in this role forever I'd feel screwed tbh but I'm not.

Like overall I do feel more optimistic moving forward, I do take my job for granted too, my fear of getting sacked is still a bit there and it would break me if that happened, im trying to be grateful I have a job but at the same time I do take it for granted like I'm thinking about cars, savings, getting a house, relationships and moving forward. As I have previously said at some point id like to have something on the side to make money like a side hustle, ideally what im passionate about so Im not solely relying on an employer to pay me and just an extra income which is always good but I mean something I'm in charge of like I could have a 2nd job but that's like relying on an employer still. Of course I don't want to get sacked or anything and don't expect to , just for that peace of mind, it would be good to have something I'm passionate about to make money on the side, I do want to be realistic too. Setting unrealistic goals can be bad for us because when we don't reach them as they're unrealistic that hurts, thats maybe what I have done myself when I was younger. I don't think buying a house at some point, having a decent car and basically having a somewhat comfy life is unrealistic though, I don't need some mansion and supercars or some millionaire salary. I just want to maybe a job that I maybe enjoy, a side hustle maybe, nicish car, average house like maybe a 3 bed, a long term partner and eventually a family, just stuff like that, thats what Im working towards. Im just trying to work myself up, I’m not expecting it overnight, I want to do it in stages. Its just important in life for our wellbeing for things to change for the better, of course being grateful for everything too along the way, keeping healthy is very important too because we don't have anything if we are dead. There's no point being loaded with money when are burning ourselves out or we neglecting our wellbeing or health for that.

I think the most important things in life are health, happiness and money, like money alone isn't everything and people with less of it can still be happy, the more you have just makes a lot of things possible and its got be somewhat there to make a living. Anyway I just hope I move forward and I am, I thought a few months ago this time I'd be doing this course but I've proved myself wrong for the best even though its not glamorous, not where I expected be, its a good step and Im doing way better than I was a few months ago or a few years ago, I've also matured, I make better decisions and I'm not perfect but doing ok, Im more confident in person too, my confidence is improving more too, it was going slightly improving maybe before I got a job just realising from these services that I'm not broken, I was someone who was trying to find their feet in life and same now but I'm someone who has a job and things are looking more hopeful now, its just a few things I need to work on. Anyway Im sorry for the long post, I just had this on mind recently.

Sabah

@Redemption having those goals are all wonderful, and you have already come so far. From what I hear, it sounds like you've been in many situations that you previously dreaded the idea of, and now that you have done them, it hasn't been as bad as you were worried they'd be. Getting out of your comfort zone is never easy, especially when the task is terrifying, and you've done brilliantly. There's absolutely no shame in going back and getting your education - you're taking your future into your own hands there and it's something to be proud of.

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Similarly with your cleaning job. It's a vital role and one people often miss or undervalue but that doesn't mean there isn't value in it. You've said yourself how far you've come and you've said that things are starting to feel a little more hopeful now. You're going to have ups and downs, and it'll be hard to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, but you are doing wonderfully. We're to support you in that and cheer you on.

Redemption

https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/comment/3820356#Comment_3820356

Thank you @Sabah , of course no shame in going back in education but yh I dont think its a must do , I think I just maybe need someone to look at other assets coz not all of us are pen to paper. Im not really sure what I want to do moving forward, like I say I don't have it all panned out, its pretty scary but less scary as Im on the job ladder as I have a job and this isn't forever, Im hoping in the near future just to step up into something a bit better, it doesn't need to be the dream yet, just something more hours, nearer and lesser stigma. When you say "see the bigger picture" Do you mean like see how far ive come, see the positives etc or something else? Thank you so much Sabah. I couldn't have done any of this without here, Im not sure where I'd be without here tbh, I'm becoming a bit more to the point I have other places but there was maybe times where this is all I had