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Comments
hi @eylah, I’m okay for the last part today just tired
hi @billie, I just don’t want to think about it like it just wasn’t a good evening and I know I should have handled it differently. I did have a day off work today for the most part. Was meant to take my dad to the hospital but didn’t so ended up helping in the garden today
Hey @Lottie5433 I've just taken a look at your clay designs - they are so good! I love the snake that you made.
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I understand, it is easy to look back on situations and wish we handled things differently, but try not to give yourself a hard time over it. You have been dealing with so much recently. How was helping in the garden? Is that something that you find enjoyable?
hi @Billie thank you, I do like my snake or the octopus
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I’ll try not to give myself a hard time over it but I find it hard to. Like I will hold my self responsible for everything and I’ll internalise it.
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Helping in the garden was okay, I built 3 planters with my partner and we started building steps to the decking we have. It is something I do enjoy
That sounds brill @Lottie5433 ! It's nice sometimes to get out in the garden and three planters sound great. You'll have a beautiful garden space in no time.
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You seem very self aware that you do give yourself a hard time over a lot. You absolutely deserve some grace, and I know that can be difficult to do sometimes. What do you do when you catch yourself being harsh towards yourself? Is there anything that helps?
If you would ever wish to share any photos of your planters, @Lottie5433 , or different plants in your garden, it would be beautiful to see! No pressure around this too.
So wonderful to hear that gardening is something that's been enjoyable and bringing a little bit of joy in this difficult time
thank you @Sabah , it is nice to get out into the garden and that in order to do this stuff I get to use power tools 😆. Well my parents will have a beautiful garden at the end as I’m just helping them out.
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My older sister who has a house has asked if I can go to hers and sort her garden out - but haven’t done that yet as I’ve been very busy with work and helping my parents out.
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I don’t do anything when I catch myself being harsh mainly because in the moment I don’t realise I’m doing it it’s usually after I notice.
I might take some photos tonight of what I’ve done @Sian321 and share them as it’s the first time I’ve actually built anything really other than in DT class at school
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Yeah gardening is something I enjoy and has been for a while, like it’s one thing my parents know is good for me and how much enjoyment I get with using different tools etc. there was a time where I’d spend hours in the garden and I’d do coursework in the garden, or chill with the dog. However over time I didn’t get as much enjoyment but it seems to be coming back again 😆
Oh that's so wonderful, @Lottie5433 . I'm smiling as I read this!!
to be fair @Sian321 i was smiling when I wrote it too.
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I might get myself a little plant or try and grow a bonsai tree in the house as we don’t have room for a garden.
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Also here is a picture of a few things I done, ignore the mess it’s like a building site in my parents garden
The second image will eventually have a fountain there but just waiting for a pump
I’m not sure if you when I have this telephone consultation with my GP about my meds (because of the stupid pharmacist and email) if I ask to go back to having a months worth or even 2 weeks worth
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Like I only got put to weekly because CEDT had told them it would be best for me so I can’t stockpile them (that didn’t work though because I still did it) and then use them inappropriately.
Like I’ll see N before I speak to the GP so I don’t know if I mention it to her before asking my GP as N might be able to speak to them about it as well.
but I’m scared they will say No like both the GP and N because I did tell N 2 weeks ago that i did try ☠️ myself using them and we then spoke about what to do when that happens again
I’m just conflicted
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I did make a promise to my partner that I’d stay on them without a break for 2 months starting on Monday - as I got him to get me a new glass cup so I’d take them again
He said if I stop taking my meds though it will make him sad and angry as I made a promise
ur garden looks so lovely. hru doing today @Lottie5433 ? 🫂
thank you @eylah , it is my parents garden but I did call it him for 15 years or so.
im doing okay for the most part just exhausted as I was up late and then the clocks changing threw me as well 😆
is there anything nice you could do for yourself today? i am sending 🫂’s. im proud of you lottie. despite everything that is happening in ur life rn. ur keeping on going n im so incredibly proud of you. 🫂 always here for you if you ever needing someone to talk to. 🤍
thank you so much @eylah it means a lot to hear that from someone who only knows me over the internet.
well I’m working until 5pm but me and my partner might be baking some cakes or treats this evening but not sure yet. Just going to miss my dog tonight as he hasn’t stayed with me now for 3 days and that’s just due to either work, shopping or being out late with my partners dad
of course. i mean it when i say im proud of you bc i see the strength you’re putting into trying to get better. ❤️🩹
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that sounds lovely abt baking. what’s ur fav thing to bake?
@Lottie5433 your garden looks wonderful and the fountain is such a good idea. You'll absolutely have to keep us updated on how it goes (and how you end up doing your sister's once you eventually get round to it!). I love that you're into this as well!
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Speaking to N about the medication and your GP appointment sounds like a good idea. I can see how it's playing on your mind and you have such a good rapport with N that it does make sense to share. How are you feeling about your upcoming session with them?
thank you again.
My favourite thing to bake is either bread or oat pancakes (made with hand made oat flour and oat milk) it’s something I did as a ritual with my ED although I’d never taste or eat them at that point.
I will hopefully keep everything updated in regards to the garden @Sabah. The fountain is cool I just know my dog will have fun with it 😂.
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I’m not sure how I’m feeling really like she will ask if I found out what went on in group as I didn’t attend for 2 weeks as of Monday (I did let W and D know about this and they said they’d send me the stuff they went over but not received anything yet). I also know she will see my diary card and wonder what happened as I had a major increase in my behaviours and did engage in some of them and why I didn’t use any skills or phone the team for support.
I do hope she thinks the same as me in terms of my meds though
Hey @Lottie5433, I've just been reading through your thread, and it's so lovely to hear how you enjoy gardening and how your love for it has returned recently. Thanks for the photos of the planters that you've made, they look so good, I would have mistaken them for ones you'd bought from the shop if I didn't know you made them! It sounds like doing your parents garden and then maybe doing your sister's garden too might help you focus on those positive feelings. How does that sound?
I'm hearing that you're feeling unsure about talking to N regarding your recent feelings, which is completely understandable. It sounds like you feel she might be curious that you missed the group for 2 weeks and also what's been included in your diary card. Do you feel okay to talk with N about these on Wednesday so she can understand more and help you find a way to deal with this?