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(TW: Suicidal rant but no plans) I can’t stop fucking crying

bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 402 Listening Ear
edited September 29 in Health & Wellbeing
I need fucking medication. I can’t stop having panic attacks at work. I’ve told my family I can’t stop breaking down at work (didn’t tell them I was having panic attacks because I don’t think they would believe me) and they refused because they say they want me to toughen up and have character development.
This isn’t fucking helping me. It’s not making me stronger. All it’s doing is pushing to a fucking edge.

If I kill myself, they better not be fucking surprised. Because all they have to blame is themselves. They didn’t take me seriously when I tell them I want to kill myself SEVERAL TIMES in the past. They didn’t take me seriously when staff members would call them, saying I’ve been harming myself SEVERAL TIMES in the past.
Even when my GP got me medicated, my fucking selfish my mother forced me to get off it, even when I was getting better. This will be 100% their fucking fault. I don’t care if I’m being selfish at this point. They’re being fucking selfish by letting me get mentally worse. They mean nothing to me. This is what they’ve done to me. This is 100% their fault.

I hope all of them fucking burn in hell. My father who isnt even capable of experiencing empathy is probably gonna die early like the rest of his family bloodline. And my racist fuck ass brother can go fuck himself. And I hope my mother burns in hell
Post edited by Leyla on
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Comments

  • AzzimanAzziman Discussion Boards Moderator Posts: 2,408 Boards Champion
    edited October 1
    Hi @bignosegirly0, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It sounds like you're frustrated with not getting support with your mental wellbeing (especially with panic attacks at work), and your feelings are valid.

    Being told to toughen up, not being believed about your panic attacks, and being forced off medication that is helping you - this isn't supportive or helpful at all, and I'm sorry to hear that you've had to go through all this, when you deserve to be supported and heard. We see and hear you, and we're here to support you through this.
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  • bignosegirly0bignosegirly0 Posts: 402 Listening Ear
    @Azziman ive recently purchased some CBD oil from the Boots pharmacy. So far, it’s making me more calm and helping me at work. But I’ll have to see if it will help me in more stressful situations like busy hours on weekends or being mistreated for looking different
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