Male gaze

nem

I’m obsess with the male gaze/ my physical appearance being attractive to men, because I “act weird” / think I’m autistic. I feel if my appearance is as palatable/ appealing to men, the world is easier/ better for me to navigate, I get treated better, even if I act outside of the norm, does that make sense?

Blue_lily

Hi @nem

I just wanted to reassure you that this desire for others approval in order to feel more normal and accepted by society I think is such a common difficult feeling. I certainly have felt like this in the past. So I thought I would reassure you that you are not alone in feeling like this and what you have written does make a lot of sense.

I wonder if it would be helpful to discuss this further, it sounds a bit like your seeking this external validation from men and that you also view that this validation would make it easier to navigate life due to you feeling a bit different from others

I “act weird”

please correct me if I am wrong.

If you don't mind me asking, I wonder whether you would feel comfortable elaborating why you feel that being accepted by the male gaze might make your life better as you seem to have put a lot of weight on the opinions men have of you? And I wonder whether you would want to start challenging this narrative you hold?

This may not speak to you now and that is totally ok, but I just thought it may offer some food for thought. It basically is the idea that you can't control other peoples opinions of you, but you are in control of doing things that make you happy and your opinion of yourself.

And so I just wonder whether this is something that you have enjoyed/liked in the past that you may have stopped now because it isn't necessarily for the male gaze, like your fashion style may have changed, and I wonder if you miss this? Maybe you could write a list of these things down and aim to integrate them back into your life.

I hope this make sense and may be of some help.

Sending big love, you've got this

Blue_lily

Sorry the formatting is a bit weird

Katie

Blue_lily wrote: »

Sorry the formatting is a bit weird

I think I've sorted it for you @Blue_lily let me know if that's how you wanted it!

nem

I guess hobbies like naked photography

nem

But everyone tells me I can’t do that. I stopped that cus my parents

nem

Men don’t care it’s more I hate my parents but I also feel my personality is off putting to men so having a personality is a big risk? And I’m scared to sign up to activities in case I’m too busy then I have to change plans with men and it’s so scary to ask to do another day.

I also just want sex a lot


And women are weird about that
U can tell men u want to have sex
Women don’t like talking about sex
Maybe
Idk
lol
But I created some weird rule in my head I can’t have friends or don’t want friends and it’s scary like I’m really traumatised I think

And id wanna post my nudes anyway but apparently that’s not allowed but sending nudes to men is allowed and exercising a lot is allowed so im stuck with that. lol: I buy coffee for homeless people I hope that’s allowed



It seems like dating has all these rules lol it’s stressful. It’s okay just harddddd . lol . Life is weir md

Blue_lily

@nem
It sounds like your going through quite a stressful time. Have you been able to talk to anyone else about this? It's just you mention that you feel as though you can't have friends and you seem frustrated with your parents which seems quite isolating.


But that's really kind of you buying coffee for homeless people and it just shows that you are a caring person which is such an admirable trait to have.