So stressed about my appearance that I suddenly froze and started twitching

bignosegirly0

I haven’t been diagnosed with body dysmorphia but I obsess daily over my flaws. My most recent one is my eyes. I curl my lashes daily because I want to appear fake, but naturally. I damaged half of my right lashes because I heat up my curler and use it daily. I use Vaseline and castor oil everyday to grow it. When I don’t curl my lashes, I look like a boy. Even with mascara, I still look ugly and masculine. I felt depressed and snappy all day because of my flaws. Tonight, I am spiralling. I don’t think I’ll ever find love because of my looks.

I started stressing by rapidly adjusting my hands (don’t know if that makes sense or not).

At some point, as I was getting ready for bed,
I stop, froze, stopped thinking, and started twitching and shaking. At some point, I started heavily breathing as I stared into the mirror, with my mouth open and eyes widened. I couldn’t properly pull my eye because my hands were shaking too much. My head feels too blocked.

As I’m typing this now, my eyes are still widen and my right hand is shaking midly. It’s a bit hard for me to type quicker because I keep making spelling mistakes due to my shakiness.

I don’t know what I’m experiencing right now.

shannon_164

hey @bignosegirly0 🙂

thank you for telling us all of this. i know it probably wasn’t easy to put into words, especially while you’re still feeling shaken up and overwhelmed. i’m really sorry you’re going through this. what you described doesn’t just sound like a tough moment, it sounds like your body and mind hit a breaking point, and that’s not something to ignore or minimise.

you’re not “masculine” or “ugly”, i know your mind is telling you these things, but they aren’t truth. you’re stuck in a cycle of self-criticism that’s eating away at how you see yourself, and it’s no wonder you’re feeling depressed and snappy, your nervous system is running on overload.

you’re not a burden, you don’t have to be perfectly put together to deserve love, help, or peace, and just for the record: you are loveable, not despite how you look, but regardless of how you look, who you are inside this pain is still worthy! i seen a tiktok a while back that could maybe be helpful for you to watch? it definitely helped my perspective on feeling like i am not good enough etc - no pressure, but i’ll share the link just in case:

this is a 21 year old girl from northern ireland called @w88boo on tiktok - she spreads so much love and positivity to the world!

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNdAbCbea/

we’re all so proud of you