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relationships/family
toffuna101
Posts: 2,550 Boards Guru
hey so like ive never had a proper partner before so i was wondering. whats it like to be in a relationship with someone? eventually i want to start my own family. my mum tells me to focus on my studies first before having my own child(ren) and that i shouldnt be thinking about it whilst my dad tells me that i need to at least finish college first so thatll be when im 18/19. ill be 18 when i officially finish college and ill be 19 when i get my results so thats why i said 18/19. the reason why i put brackets around the plural of child is because i honestly dont know whether ill be able to manage having more than one child. because of my cerebral palsy i cant a natural birth nor an epidural so ive been recommended by my dad to have a c-section. and i think my mum thinks the same because she cant have a natural birth or epidural either. shes not disabled but i think she had to have a c-section for all three of her children to ensure the safety of us. and i heard that c-sections can be tough because of the process. i dont know how many of you have kids but if you do have kids i respect you because being a parent is not easy.
thats kind of why i want to find my future partner when i start college in september because then itll be a fresh start. but honestly i doubt that i will. i mean, in the past people have been gossiping about me looking like a witch because of the way that i stand and walk. but i cant help that i have cerebral palsy. i dont even know if ill find any friends and form a platonic relationship with them because i struggle with talking to people my age. i mean, i dont, but its hard for me to become friends with them. all i have are acquaintances in real life at best from youth council and the school/sixth form that i used to attend. but even when i was in school/sixth form i barely talked with my acquaintances. and yes, i have old friends, but they were either toxic because they kept on venting at me or they never made an effort to respond to my messages. to be fair the one old friend who didnt make an effort to respond to my messages did invite me to her birthday party last year, but she didnt invite me this year because i stopped talking to her. this is because most of the time i had to call or text her first. im pretty sure a platonic relationship should be 50/50. i text them first half of the time, and they text me first the other half. i think i just have to focus on platonic relationships first, and then if and when i feel comfortable i can try and turn that into something more, a romantic relationship.
i guess the only positive social interaction i get with peers my own age in real life at the moment is youth council. i didnt mention that i barely talk to my acquaintances in youth council because i do actually talk to them in the group chat about youth council stuff. if you dont know what youth council is its basically where you come together as a group and talk about how to change the community. we've talked about a few times to like hang out at a restaurant and have lunch/dinner together at the end of term to celebrate the youth council. i dont know whether this will actually happen because the youth organisation in charge would have to fund it but maybe we could just order pizza or something and that would be fine.
so yeah. back to my main question; what's it like to have a relationship with someone? please share it in this thread below if you feel comfortable to. i know the age range of the mix is 13-25 so maybe someone who has relationship experience could answer this. and no, i dont want to be with someone just for the sake of having kids. i want to be able to share happy memories with them, bond and spend time with them. and if they similiar goals as me we can have kids. for now i only want one kid as like i said earlier i dont know if ill be able to handle the c-section. if it goes well and my partner is good i might have another. so therefore id have two kids. the reason why i want kids is because im basically the opposite of a nihilist. nihilism is basically where you believe that theres no meaning in life, so i personally believe that there is meaning. so why not bring a kid or two into the world? there are loads of arguments against having kids, one of them being antinatalism. antinatalism basically means that procreation is unethical. this could be due to overpopulation, global warming and the rising cost of living. i used to be an antinatalist, but then i realised how negative that mindset is. or i was just being an edgy 14-year-old. speaking of population i have no clue whether the world is going to be underpopulated or overpopulated in 100 years. theres around eight billion of us on earth and the number of people keeps on growing, however the birth rate is declining in many first world countries. so im a bit confused. oh well. i might as well have one or two kids in the future to try to fix the birth rate i guess. but i need to be mentally and physically prepared to have children too.
thats kind of why i want to find my future partner when i start college in september because then itll be a fresh start. but honestly i doubt that i will. i mean, in the past people have been gossiping about me looking like a witch because of the way that i stand and walk. but i cant help that i have cerebral palsy. i dont even know if ill find any friends and form a platonic relationship with them because i struggle with talking to people my age. i mean, i dont, but its hard for me to become friends with them. all i have are acquaintances in real life at best from youth council and the school/sixth form that i used to attend. but even when i was in school/sixth form i barely talked with my acquaintances. and yes, i have old friends, but they were either toxic because they kept on venting at me or they never made an effort to respond to my messages. to be fair the one old friend who didnt make an effort to respond to my messages did invite me to her birthday party last year, but she didnt invite me this year because i stopped talking to her. this is because most of the time i had to call or text her first. im pretty sure a platonic relationship should be 50/50. i text them first half of the time, and they text me first the other half. i think i just have to focus on platonic relationships first, and then if and when i feel comfortable i can try and turn that into something more, a romantic relationship.
i guess the only positive social interaction i get with peers my own age in real life at the moment is youth council. i didnt mention that i barely talk to my acquaintances in youth council because i do actually talk to them in the group chat about youth council stuff. if you dont know what youth council is its basically where you come together as a group and talk about how to change the community. we've talked about a few times to like hang out at a restaurant and have lunch/dinner together at the end of term to celebrate the youth council. i dont know whether this will actually happen because the youth organisation in charge would have to fund it but maybe we could just order pizza or something and that would be fine.
so yeah. back to my main question; what's it like to have a relationship with someone? please share it in this thread below if you feel comfortable to. i know the age range of the mix is 13-25 so maybe someone who has relationship experience could answer this. and no, i dont want to be with someone just for the sake of having kids. i want to be able to share happy memories with them, bond and spend time with them. and if they similiar goals as me we can have kids. for now i only want one kid as like i said earlier i dont know if ill be able to handle the c-section. if it goes well and my partner is good i might have another. so therefore id have two kids. the reason why i want kids is because im basically the opposite of a nihilist. nihilism is basically where you believe that theres no meaning in life, so i personally believe that there is meaning. so why not bring a kid or two into the world? there are loads of arguments against having kids, one of them being antinatalism. antinatalism basically means that procreation is unethical. this could be due to overpopulation, global warming and the rising cost of living. i used to be an antinatalist, but then i realised how negative that mindset is. or i was just being an edgy 14-year-old. speaking of population i have no clue whether the world is going to be underpopulated or overpopulated in 100 years. theres around eight billion of us on earth and the number of people keeps on growing, however the birth rate is declining in many first world countries. so im a bit confused. oh well. i might as well have one or two kids in the future to try to fix the birth rate i guess. but i need to be mentally and physically prepared to have children too.
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so if i do have a child or two i know what to name them.
if theyre a boy: florian
if theyre a girl: melissa
the reason why i chose florian for a boy: i like the name because i believe its a german name and german names are very unique. i also believe it matches my real name because my real name is very pretty and florian perfectly matches with my name. florian means "yellow, blond" and later "flowering".
the reason why i chose melissa for a girl: my mum wanted to name her third child melissa if they were a girl but they ended up being a boy. and i like the name too. like florian it also matches my real name. melissa means "honey bee".
in terms of if i have two boys, two girls or twins then thats a different story. i doubt ill have twins though unless if my future partner has a history of twins in their family. but if i have two girls ill probably name the first girl melissa and the second girl jessica. jessica means "to behold" or "foresight". jessica is of hebrew origin. and the origin of melissa is greek which is cool. in terms of if i have two boys ill probably name the first boy florian and the second boy fabian. fabian is derived from the latin word "broad bean". since the two pairs of names match with each other this is my final baby name list:
boy: florian
girl: melissa
one boy, one girl: florian, melissa
two boys: florian, fabian
two girls: melissa, jessica
twin boys: florian, fabian
twin girls: melissa, jessica
one twin boy, one twin girl: florian, melissa
and if i have triplets, quadruplets, etc: i have no idea lol
damn i dont even have a partner and im already thinking of baby names...
always - you’re so loved & cared abt