Last post abt support or anything included

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you matter and your feelings/thoughts matter too . we’re here for you as much as you’re here for us. pls dont feel like you have to bottle things up bc you matter.

im always here to listen and talk abt how youre feeling. youre not alone

Nathan

I thought the same. Still do a bit about bottling it up and leaving it. But trust me, I've been bottling it up for such a long time, that it's made me numb mentally to everything. I don't want the same thing to happen to you, because for me it's not, how shall we say.... living, it's just existing. So please, vent your frustrations. Don't keep it bottled up and make the same mistake I did. There are people listening. Even if we can't offer much advice, just getting it of your chest makes a huge difference.

Nathan

Because you're not forcing us to listen. We want to listen. I only joined this community yesterday, so I've not really had much chance to listen to anybody here. And trust me, I can only speak from my own experience, but I've bottled up literal hell, since i was 4 years old. 19 years of hell later, and I'm still bottling up literal hell. And at a certain point, I stopped feeling anything emotionally anymore. It was just emptiness. My dad died and wrote me out of his £100,000 will, and I didn't feel a thing. Not joy, or sadness, or anger, just nothing. That's how bad the numbness is emotionally. So please, don't end up where I am. I really don't want that for you. I'm on a therapy waiting list, and honestly, it's going to be a nightmare to unpack everything for me at this stage. So please understand, I'm listening, because i want to. You're not forcing anybody to listen. Me and the other's here want to listen to you, like you have for others. And maybe talking doesn't help, but venting might, just might, make it a little easier for you rather than just bottling it up like i did you know.

Sian321

Hey, how are you doing? I wanted to check in off the back of your message. Thank you so much for sharing this so openly and honestly.

What you describe sounds very painful and isolating too - having to put on a smile and enthusiastically support everyone else without feeling like you can ever fully trust that the same care will be given in return, or that you can ask others to hold you also. What I'm hearing too in the comments is that others can relate, and others empathise too with what it feels like to bottle everything up day-in, day-out. That sounds so hard.

I’m better off being the supporter than asking for support so taken that into consideration and before anyone tells me otherwise no I do not matter and my feelings are irrelevant and telling me otherwise won’t make a difference.

I hear what you're saying about how words of reassurance can't change the way you feel about this, and that is valid. It sounds like you've had some extreamly hurtful and dissapointing expereinces in the past and currently of feeling unheard or unseen by other people, and these experiences have left you feeling shamed and burdensome, which makes you want to bottle things up even more. Again., that vicious cyclefeels really, really upsetting.

Can I ask, how are you feeling today, and what has it felt like to make this Boards post? We're here for you and we want to listen.

Sian321

, I hear you, and that sounds again so hurtful - to be left feeling like a piece of crap or like all your feelings are irrelevant. I wonder if there has been something recently which might have contributed to these feelings too? We want to listen, and thank you for your trust in sharing what you have so far.

I hear you sharing about just how alone you feel - 24/7, 365 days a year. That loneliness feels relentless. You never get a break. And I hear you saying that trying to reach out feels pointless.

Can I ask, what do you mean when you say:

Easier for me to bottle up till I can’t no more and then it will be to late anyway so it’s all good

What do you imagine might happen if you reach a point where you can't cope anymore? We care about your safety, and we're really do hear how serious things are emotionally right now.

Serxphic

I completely understand how you feel! I got extremely used to not having anyone to talk to my feelings, emotions about or just discuss if I had a bad day etc, and I ended up just keeping it all to myself. Although recently I have managed to find someone who really does listen and care, and I know how far off and difficult that may seem to you but its not impossible to find someone who you can talk to about things, and it really does help! But its nice that you're willing to open up here about how you're feeling, I hope atleast that helps you to let off some steam, we are all here for you and everyone does truly care about how you're feeling.

Do you think its a case of not having anyone to talk to, or moreso that you don't feel comfortable with talking to them? I've been in both kinds of situations and I understand completely how hard they both are