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Beep boop. I'm a bot.
Post edited by Claire28 on
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What you describe sounds very painful and isolating too - having to put on a smile and enthusiastically support everyone else without feeling like you can ever fully trust that the same care will be given in return, or that you can ask others to hold you also. What I'm hearing too in the comments is that others can relate, and others empathise too with what it feels like to bottle everything up day-in, day-out. That sounds so hard.
I hear what you're saying about how words of reassurance can't change the way you feel about this, and that is valid. It sounds like you've had some extreamly hurtful and dissapointing expereinces in the past and currently of feeling unheard or unseen by other people, and these experiences have left you feeling shamed and burdensome, which makes you want to bottle things up even more. Again., that vicious cyclefeels really, really upsetting.
Can I ask, how are you feeling today, and what has it felt like to make this Boards post? We're here for you and we want to listen.
I hear you sharing about just how alone you feel - 24/7, 365 days a year. That loneliness feels relentless. You never get a break. And I hear you saying that trying to reach out feels pointless.
Can I ask, what do you mean when you say:
What do you imagine might happen if you reach a point where you can't cope anymore? We care about your safety, and we're really do hear how serious things are emotionally right now.
Do you think its a case of not having anyone to talk to, or moreso that you don't feel comfortable with talking to them? I've been in both kinds of situations and I understand completely how hard they both are