TW// what did I do to deserve all this

Rose113

I know I’ve done multiple posts like this before and I know I should stop because there probably just tiring for people to read but I can’t 💔

This is one big post just split into different trigger sections because I don’t want to trigger anyone!

Context: so some may know the full story to my past but I’ll keep this short and sweet

1) was put in care on my 3rd birthday
2) was in a foster placement till I was almost 5

Alcohol

I was put in care because both my birth parents were alcoholics and they was always at the pub that was literally a 5 min walk from the house and so on the night of my 3rd birthday the neighbours called police because they saw us home alone with no one around

Neglect

When the police gained entry to the house they found me and 4 of my brothers to be partially clothed with no bedding, no food, beer cans all on the floor, unclean house, the house stank

Foster home/ abuse

Me and one of my brothers were placed together in a foster home whilst my 3 other brothers were placed together in a separate home, we were abused here; our hair being yanked to the point we lost chunks of hair, being burned or being forced to have freezing showers (there’s another but it will be too graphic)

Court and abuse articles

My parents went to court and were charged with 5 counts of abuse, it was so bad that they made the news and newspapers so there’s 3 articles online sharing the graphic details of the night we was taken into care and pictures of the house etc

Adoption

I had to be adopted alone…why?
The judge at court said I couldn’t live with my siblings…why?

Is it something to do with me? Was I the problem?

This is on one of the articles….what does it mean??

"I have no doubt that the actions of concerned neighbours may well have averted a tragedy."

———

So what did I do to deserve all that?

Leyla

Hi Rose!

I think you're asking such a valid question, because it can feel like these things do happen without rhyme or reason, and it sounds like you're having a lot of questions about your past and why these things have happened to you. But you were only a small child and you had no idea what was going on! It sounds like you were the victim of all of this, not the cause or someone who deserved it, but you still suffer the consequences of it and it sounds like that is extremely difficult for you, do you think this is all fair to say?

All of these things sound like you have suffered, and you are truly doing amazingly to still be going on despite all of this, and still being someone who wants to help out and create poetry and writings, art etc!

Could I ask what leads you to think that these things have something to do with you?

Thank you for opening up about all of this heaviness, I can imagine it could be draining to put all of this out there, and it doesn't matter how many posts you make about any of this - we want to hear about all of this!

Rose113

Thank you @Leyla my whole life all I’ve ever heared in conversations it’s always been “there’s been a common denominator” so if there’s a common denominator with everything then I must be the common denominator in my past it’s the only things that makes all the shittiness add up