Daunted about preparing to move out

Creativeboy23

Hello.

I have been feeling daunted about preparing to move out. It made me procrastinate letting my dad know about the estimated move-in time. I have also been worried about how he would react to me informing him when they are going to give the property to the person who wants to move in quickly.

It feels awkward to empathise with him if my thought comes true when he has not treated me right in the past. It triggered a thought that my crisis worker would be telling me straight that my thinking is not accurate because she has told me previously that what I was thinking in a situation was incorrect. I felt invalidated because she did not give my thought space and try to understand it.

I have been thinking that my support workers and my dad are expecting me to knowledgeable about houses when it is the first time making a decision about long term properties. I had a memory of my support worker telling me that I have to decide I am the adult. The support worker’s comment felt dismissive, condescending, and isolating because it did not consider that the complexity of making decisions about housing and leaves me alone without guidance to make a big decision as a young adult.

I have been thinking I do not have the space to take the time process my emotions. I feel pressured to immediately think about other perspectives because I have internalised the message from the crisis worker that I should think about my feelings and others feelings equally. It is like I am prioritising others’ feelings.


I have spent time considering potential alternative perspectives, but my feelings and thoughts are still valid.

Sian321

Hi @Creativeboy23 , thank you so much for making this post. How are you feeling this afternoon?

From what you have described, it sounds like you are going through a really significant transition period in your life right now, preparing to move out of your home. And it is so valid that - regardless of a person's age or whether or not they are an 'adult' - making big life-decisions about housing can feel really overwhelming, and it's a lot to have to navigate on your own.

I have been thinking I do not have the space to take the time process my emotions. I feel pressured to immediately think about other perspectives because I have internalised the message from the crisis worker that I should think about my feelings and others feelings equally. It is like I am prioritising others’ feelings.

I hear you, @Creativeboy23 , and it sounds like a lot of pressure to be processing everything right now, including balancing your feelings as well as other people's. It sounds really hard for your support worker to have told you that your thinking in a certain situation was 'incorrect', and I hear just how dismissed it made you feel, because you would have rather they spent time trying to understand your perspective and to really listen. That makes sense. It is totally valid that you feel daunted right now, and that a part of you wanted to procrastinate the process of leaving your home. It sounds like it might be feeling tough to say goodbye?

We're all here for you to listen without judgement. I wonder whether you have left your home now? And if so, what has that left like?

In an ideal world, what would you like to happen next?

Thank you again so much for your post

Creativeboy23

Hello @Sian321,

No problem.

I have realised that I did not express myself clearly. I have already moved out my parent’s house. I am living in temporary supported living and am now looking for properties. I recognise that I managed to get through the difficulty in saying bye to my parents and feeling homesick and have a grown into more of an independent person and developed independent living skills. So, I can get through the transition when it comes because I am still searching for properties. However, I know that feeling daunted is still real and valid and is a natural way to feel when I am in the process of transitioning.

Yes. Choosing properties has definitely been a lot to navigate, especially for someone with autism. There is a variety of different things to consider and there can be pressure to select a property because it can feel like you are being too selective, or dismissing a house due to the daunting nature of transitioning. I know it is unlikely I am doing these things. It is what I am thinking. I am likely carefully selecting a property which is a good thing but my thoughts are reasonable because I could be doing the things my thoughts are telling me.

I am not really sure what I would like to happen next and I have not been feeling the best this afternoon.

Thank you for your support. Much appreciated.

Sian321

@Creativeboy23 , ah I see! Thank you for clarifying, and that makes total sense. How is it feeling to recognise that you're growing into more of an independent person? What has been your favourite thing about feeling more independent lately?

There is a variety of different things to consider and there can be pressure to select a property because it can feel like you are being too selective, or dismissing a house due to the daunting nature of transitioning.

This is very valid, @Creativeboy23 , and I can hear just how much care you are wanting to put into this decision. It is okay for you to not have all the answers right now. I wonder if you have been able to speak with anyone else for support around these decisions if you wished to, such as your parents for example?

No matter what decisions you make, we're all here to support you without judgement. You deserve a next home that makes you feel comfortable and happy

Creativeboy23

@Sian321 It can feel good because I have more space to strive for self-improvement. I have ended up paying more attention to myself.

No. I have not spoken to anyone else about the decisions.

Thank you.