Struggling to cope

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sinead276

hey @Creativeboy23

I know it can often feel like a more personal judgement when we get told we are doing something we shouldn’t be (in this case the dentist saying less sweets) like you recognise, it’s more likely that they tell this to most the people that come in – I know I definitely have had the same comments in the past with my sweet tooth. It is good to see that you are able to recognise the fact that there might not be the initial judgement your mind tells you there is, and are starting to challenge them. An whilst the emotional response might still be one of hurt, it shows how you are growing and over time, hopefully it becomes easier to take such comments with a pinch of salt.

I think its quite common that when someone says something that feels like a direct comment, it is natural and instinctive to have some form of emotional reaction to it, even if later down the line we realise that it wasn’t intended that way. But you are still completely valid in whatever emotional response you have to things. It is your feelings and no one can tell you how you should and shouldn’t feel.

In a similar way to how you had the disagreement with your former friend. Whilst it appears they didn’t mean harm by the words they said, claiming to have had ‘good intentions’, it is still okay for the words to hurt in the moment and thereafter. We all have different brains that process and take in information in various ways, so whilst they may have thought they didn’t do anything wrong, you are also perfectly justified to still hold feelings of hurt about it if that is the response it caused in you.

Also sorry to hear that your other thread got ignored. I don’t think anyone on here wants you to feel ignored or unsupported. I know I certainly don’t. I haven’t been on here as frequently recently, other than a few quick 5 minutes here and there, so I’ve probably missed your post. If you’d still like, I can try and find it and respond to it.

sending hugs,
Sinead

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Sian321

Hey @Creativeboy23 , how are you today? Thank you for this post.

My dentist mentioning that I needed to cut down my sweets yesterday. I have been considered that he likely was concerned and wanted to help me look after my teeth. However, his comment felt like a judgement about my character. It has also made me feel different and singled out. It has affected me this morning, even though I am aware that the thought is inaccurate.

I hear you, and reading through this, it feels entirely valid that the dentist's words had left you feeling judged, even if perhaps, that had not been your dentist's original intention. Those feelings of being judged, and the shame and self-consciousness that comes with that, are still entirely valid and real, and it sounded really hard to feel that.

There can be something very vulnerable-making about attending appointments like that sometimes with healthcare professionals, and being told about things we 'should' or 'should not' be doing from their perspective. As you said, it can leave you feeling 'called-out' or 'singled-out', as though you're 'different' and have been 'wrong' somehow. And that's vulnerable. That's can feel quite judgemental. And you're doing really well to have talked about this.

How have you been feeling the last few weeks since this happened?

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Sian321

Hey @Creativeboy23 , thank you for your post and for sharing how you've been feeling following the dentists appointment.

You mentioned struggling more broadly with self-worth, which sounds really tough. I wondered if it would feel helpful to share more here, or in a new thread? You'd be very welcome to and we're all here to support you.

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