Darkness of C-PTSD

Rose113

I didn’t know just how much it effected me
Until I’m over hyper-vigilant and screaming for help
When I enter a room I look for the nearest escape
Surrounded by people I wonder which one is fake
Who will hurt me
Any moment now I’m constantly waiting


A sudden change in tone
The slightest of yells
Even certain words
Causing my world to feel like it’s falling down

It destroyed me
People ruined me
Screaming and reaching out
It’s always your too complexed
We can’t help you
Now your stuck

My memories sharp as shattered glass
My world loud with unseen shards in my heart
The slightest of triggers making me tremble
4 walls surround me unable to protect
One trigger erupts
Another is just at dawn
Flee the scene
Hide and seek

I have no way out
This is just the beginning

Sian321

Hey @Rose113 , thank you so much for making this post.

You write so powerfully, and what you have described sounds extreamly frightening to experience - that constant hyper-vigilence, that fear that the next pain could be just around the corner, the sense that nothing is what it seems.

And I also felt a deep sense of loneliness too reading this. Living in a 'loud world' with 'unseen shards' in your heart. The pain of that. Of no one seeing that your heart's being peirced. Certain words triggering a feeling of your world then falling apart inside. All these terrors that no one else fully sees. That sounds extreamly isolating, @Rose113, and thank you so much for trusting us with these words and for letting us 'in' to this extent.

We are right here with you to listen entirely without judgement.

I heard you when you said too that it feels exasperating being constantly turned away from support services for being 'too complex'. I can imagine that might leave you feeling powerless at times, lost as to where to go next.

How is this feeling at the moment? I wonder where things are 'at' in terms of your healthcare providers and what they might have shared about possible therapies?

We're here with you, @Rose113 , and thank you again so much for sharing your words.

You deserve safety. You deserve peacefulness. And you deserve a sense of control and autonomy over what happens next.

Please keep us updated if you wish to.

Sian321

I appreciate you have already been reaching out for support around C-PTSD, however, I will share some services below if helpful:

https://www.ptsduk.org/what-is-ptsd/complex-ptsd/
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-and-complex-ptsd/complex-ptsd/
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd-and-complex-ptsd/self-care/

Rose113

@Sian321 thank you

Trying to get support for it isn’t going well tbh I just get told the same things over and over of it being to complex and out of expertise dealing range yet it can’t be as bad as ptsd for those in the army yet they can get support so idk

Then again everytime I tell a counsellor my life story they just get emotional 🫠 like I told my psychologist and he was so shocked by what I’ve been through and I just sit there and life cos what else am I meant to do when I’m so used to what happened to me that when they say “history repeats itself” it really does in my life but heyho I deal with everything alone so it’s all good I survive lol 💕