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Felt like things have gone a bit worse
TheNightmare
Posts: 3,284 Boards Guru
Things seem to have gotten a little harder, and no matter what I do, I can't shake the feeling that I'm stuck. Things not going well have felt like one thing after another, and I didn't want to do volunteering months ago. Sometimes I feel like I have failed and failed so much that I had to do it. It is demotivating not getting paid, but it is not the worst where I absolutely dread it. I didn’t have the best days there the other week after being told I can't go on tills, but the last time I went, it was a bit better. I do hope it is beneficial for me still, even though I can't do tills, because I am doing other tasks. I just should be in paid work now and hopefully will get there soon. I do understand there is no rush, but it feels like it is just going to impact me more and more, man. A couple of job opportunities have come up, but it still feels like a cycle of setbacks and worries.
On top of that, personal issues have been weighing on me like witnessing someone have a fit, which left me shaken, and my sleeping problems are still happening. They got better for a while, but now they are back again. Family issues, though small, add to the stress, making everything feel even more overwhelming. I try to wake up between 8 AM and 10 AM to avoid lying in bed all day, but when I struggle to sleep, I find myself feeling exhausted by the time I am supposed to be getting up. That lack of sleep just makes everything harder. The days are slipping by, and I am still not where I want to be with work, which makes it difficult to ignore the constant thoughts circling in my head. No matter how much I try to move forward, I feel like I keep making mistakes and cannot do anything right. Overthinking has become my default, and breaking out of this cycle feels impossible. I know I keep repeating myself, but things feel like they are getting worse instead of improving.
Thinking about getting a job brings a whole new wave of fears. I worry that I will get sacked, that it will be a temporary role and I will end up back at square one, or that I will not even make it through the probationary period. The uncertainty of what comes next is terrifying. I do not want to be stuck in a dead-end job or stuck on a zero-hour contract. I need guaranteed hours to feel like I am making progress, but that just does not seem to be happening. Beyond work, I feel alone. I have no close friends nearby, no partner, and I constantly think about relationships but have no idea where to start. I had planned to wait until life felt more stable, but now I just want someone to share all of this with. The idea of dating apps or events feels overwhelming, but being alone with all these worries is even harder. I know others are struggling too, but I cannot help feeling like I am missing something, like everyone else has it figured out while I am stuck. I remind myself that a lot of people are not working right now, but that does not stop me from worrying about how long I will be in this position. I really hope change is around the corner because sometimes I feel like I am wasting time, even though I am trying my best.
Even with everything weighing on me, I still cannot push myself to get more support, even though I know it might help. I keep telling myself I should sign up for therapy or counseling, but I cannot seem to take that step. Face-to-face support might be the most effective, and I have heard I could get it for free, but I still hold back. My fears feel like they have been proven right all along. Before college, I worried I would not enjoy it, and I did not. I feared I would not find my footing after college, and here I am, still feeling lost. I have spent years worrying about my future, and now, in my twenties, I am still at home, still not working, and feeling stuck. I know I need things to change to break out of this negative cycle. I want to change and will change, but I just do not know when and the pressure is kicking in, as we get further into the year man, I just want to move forward.
On top of that, personal issues have been weighing on me like witnessing someone have a fit, which left me shaken, and my sleeping problems are still happening. They got better for a while, but now they are back again. Family issues, though small, add to the stress, making everything feel even more overwhelming. I try to wake up between 8 AM and 10 AM to avoid lying in bed all day, but when I struggle to sleep, I find myself feeling exhausted by the time I am supposed to be getting up. That lack of sleep just makes everything harder. The days are slipping by, and I am still not where I want to be with work, which makes it difficult to ignore the constant thoughts circling in my head. No matter how much I try to move forward, I feel like I keep making mistakes and cannot do anything right. Overthinking has become my default, and breaking out of this cycle feels impossible. I know I keep repeating myself, but things feel like they are getting worse instead of improving.
Thinking about getting a job brings a whole new wave of fears. I worry that I will get sacked, that it will be a temporary role and I will end up back at square one, or that I will not even make it through the probationary period. The uncertainty of what comes next is terrifying. I do not want to be stuck in a dead-end job or stuck on a zero-hour contract. I need guaranteed hours to feel like I am making progress, but that just does not seem to be happening. Beyond work, I feel alone. I have no close friends nearby, no partner, and I constantly think about relationships but have no idea where to start. I had planned to wait until life felt more stable, but now I just want someone to share all of this with. The idea of dating apps or events feels overwhelming, but being alone with all these worries is even harder. I know others are struggling too, but I cannot help feeling like I am missing something, like everyone else has it figured out while I am stuck. I remind myself that a lot of people are not working right now, but that does not stop me from worrying about how long I will be in this position. I really hope change is around the corner because sometimes I feel like I am wasting time, even though I am trying my best.
Even with everything weighing on me, I still cannot push myself to get more support, even though I know it might help. I keep telling myself I should sign up for therapy or counseling, but I cannot seem to take that step. Face-to-face support might be the most effective, and I have heard I could get it for free, but I still hold back. My fears feel like they have been proven right all along. Before college, I worried I would not enjoy it, and I did not. I feared I would not find my footing after college, and here I am, still feeling lost. I have spent years worrying about my future, and now, in my twenties, I am still at home, still not working, and feeling stuck. I know I need things to change to break out of this negative cycle. I want to change and will change, but I just do not know when and the pressure is kicking in, as we get further into the year man, I just want to move forward.
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Comments
that sounds really tough. i can tell how much everything is weighing on you, and i’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. it sounds like you’re carrying a lot all at once, work stress, personal worries, sleep struggles, and it makes total sense that it’s overwhelming.
i know it probably doesn’t help much to hear, but you haven’t failed. you are trying, even when it feels like you’re going in circles, and that counts for something. volunteering might not be what you wanted, but you’re still showing up and doing something productive, which isn’t easy when you’re feeling low, and yeah, it’s frustrating not getting paid, but i really hope it still opens doors for you in some way.
the job search part is especially rough. the uncertainty, the setbacks, the worry about getting stuck, it’s all so real, and i get why it’s exhausting, but you’re still looking, still pushing forward, and that matters. i truly believe you will find something that works for you, even if it takes longer than it should. i just wish it didn’t have to be such a frustrating process.
the loneliness side of things is hard too. it’s understandable to want someone to share things with, but i get why dating apps and putting yourself out there feels overwhelming. maybe when life feels a little more stable, it’ll be easier to navigate, but in the meantime, i hope you know you’re not as alone as you may feel. i know it’s not the same as having people physically around, but i’m always here to talk.
i hear you about therapy, it’s a big step, and even when you know it could help, actually taking that step is a whole different thing, but if you ever do decide to go for it, i think it could make a difference. you don’t have to do this all on your own.
i don’t have any magic answers, but i just want you to know i see how hard you’re trying, and i believe things will shift for you. it sucks that it’s taking so long, but you’re not stuck forever, and no matter what, you’re not alone in this
@shannon_164 Wow, another amazing reply from you, I honestly don’t even know what to say. Your kindness, your words, the way you always take the time to understand it’s just incredible. Multiple replies from you today all of course truly amazing. What more can I even say. I genuinely couldn’t appreciate it more. It means so much. We are all really lucky to have you in the community, I and I'm sure everyone here will agree