Update

user123

I’ve been extremely stressed the past few weeks. My bf kissed a girl when we were talking and not together. I got over it but recently my sister found out. She said she didn’t like it or wouldn’t like it if it was her. Now I feel she doesn’t approve of my bf. I asked her about it and she said it’s because of her trust issues from past relationships she couldn’t get over it and from a big sister point of view she didn’t like it but she said he was single and not committed to me. She said me making a big deal out of this is discrediting the fact she was cheated on and she would have been lucky if it had happened when her ex was single. She essentially told me to wise up. My mum didn’t like it at the time either but has moved on. I’m just so worried they don’t like my bf now. But did he do anything wrong?

Azziman

Hey @user123, thank you for sharing this experience with us. I can hear how this can be a stressful situation - it's important to us that the people important in our lives get on, and it sounds like this incident is causing some friction. I think there's two things going on here - how you, your sister and your mum felt about the initial incident; and how your sister feels about her experience of past relationships.

On the first point, it seems clearer where you all stand on it. You and your mum seem to have gotten over it, whereas your sister doesn't like it but also understands that he wasn't committed to you. On the second point, this feels more related to your sister's experiences in general. Experience of bad relationships can make us feel wary and less likely to trust others, and being cheated on can be particularly painful, and that's valid. That might explain why your sister could feel strongly about what happened - that being said, your then-not boyfriend kissing someone, and your sister being cheated on, don't sound like they are related events.

What doesn't seem quite clear is whether your sister and mum dislike your boyfriend as a person. There's a difference between someone not liking what someone did once, and not liking the person themselves. The uncertainty around this may be causing stress, and having an honest conversation with your mum and sister might hold the key to clearing the air here. It might not be an easy conversation to have, but it may help to clarify where you all stand while being respectful of your respective experiences too. It's clear that what your sister and mum think matters a lot to you.

How would you feel about having a conversation with them about this? We're here to support you through this