Loosing my patience with him

Rose113

I’m absolutely loosing my patience with him, I get he has mental health issues etc but this is getting ridiculous!!

He spams me 50 messages at a time and if I’m busy he goes “sorry I’ll be quiet” like sorry I’m fucking busy!!! Ive set boundaries 5 times now and he doesn’t follow them. He won’t contact a helpline or get irl support and expects me to support him.

I keep snapping at him but he doesn’t listen to me and it pisses me off. I told him tonight I was going to bed because I’m having bad thoughts etc and then he starts venting to me like what does he want, waiting to push me off the edge so I harm myself????

This is what I said to him today but deleted it before he saw but yeah…

I can’t cope with it, if he doesn’t get his own way he kicks up a fuss and has a tantrum over it all.

shannon_164

hey @Rose113 🙂

that sounds incredibly frustrating, and i completely get why you’re at your limit. it’s one thing to support a friend, but when it turns into them completely disregarding your boundaries and putting everything on you, it’s not fair. you shouldn’t have to be someone’s only source of support, especially when you’re struggling yourself.

it’s really frustrating when someone refuses to get professional help but keeps expecting you to carry all their emotional weight. you’ve already set boundaries five times, and he’s still not respecting them, that’s exhausting. it’s not your job to be his therapist, and it’s completely understandable that you’re snapping when he keeps pushing past the limits you’ve made clear.

the fact that he started venting after you told him you weren’t in a good place is especially frustrating. it’s like he’s not even considering how his actions affect you, and i get it, mental health struggles can make people act in ways that aren’t rational, but that doesn’t mean you should have to suffer because of it. your well-being matters too.

if he’s not respecting your boundaries, it might be time to be more firm, even if it feels harsh - at the end of the day, you cannot helps someone who isn’t willing to help themselves!

you are not responsible for his actions, and you shouldn’t have to put up with this when it’s actively hurting you. please don’t let his behaviour make you feel guilty for prioritising yourself. you’re allowed to step back, and honestly, it sounds like you need to.

we’re always here for you

Sian321

Hey @Rose113 ,

How are you doing this afternoon? I wanted to echo what Shannon has said above here and to say that it really does sound so frustrating and genuinely upsetting to have your boundaries pushed in this way. I can imagine that might leave you feel disrespected and taken advantage of?

Your message to this person sounds firm, clear, and honest. I can imagine it might have taken courage to set that boundary, and it feels really powerful that you did!

As a next step, how do you think you'd like to create some comfortable space between you and this person? What are you personally needing?

It feels really fair and true that ultimately you cannot safely or ethically serve as this person's therapist or lifeboat, and in fact, being pushed into this role for this person places the both of you in a precarious position, not to mention the strain on your own mental wellbeing.

Keep us updated with how he responds / what happens next, if you wish to. We're all here for you.

Rose113

Hey @Sian321 feeling really drained and just deflated, spent an hour on call to female k to try get her to sleep which she is now asleep.

It just makes me wonder why I’m actually putting in the effort to help him when he don’t help himself, he refuses in person support and it’s all “can’t, can’t, can’t” it’s draining and then earlier he messaged me asking about a certain place in the uk being busy and he wanted to go and he said “I know you will support me if I feel overwhelmed” that made me feel shitty