TW for suicide: Got triggered by something

AnonymousToe

I feel really stupid for this.

I had to listen to someone talking in detail about the exact method I’d been thinking about. I should clarify this is all old stuff - I was thinking about doing it a long time ago. I had to hear about it today. It’s just made me feel really weird and i dont know what to do with myself. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it because nobody knew at the time. I’m fine now but I don’t like this triggered feeling. I don’t even know what it is.

I can’t tell the person who was talking about it because it was literally a university lecturer, it wasn’t like someone deliberately being insensitive or anything. It was just bad luck that this thing happened to hit so close to home for me.

I don’t know how to cope. I’m gonna be ok but this is hard.

shannon_164

hey @AnonymousToe 🙂

i’m really sorry you had to sit through that, it sounds incredibly tough. it makes total sense that you’re feeling weird and shaken up by i - even if it’s something from a long time ago, being unexpectedly reminded in such a direct way can bring up all sorts of emotions. you’re not stupid at all for feeling this way.

i know you said you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone about it, but you don’t have to go through this alone. if you ever want to talk, i’m here, no judgment.

if you’re not sure how to cope right now, maybe just be really gentle with yourself - whatever helps you feel grounded, even if it’s something small. you don’t have to have all the answers for what to do with these feelings right away.

i’m so proud of you - you’ve got this, i believe in you

AnonymousToe

Thank you so much @shannon_164 it means a lot

Sian321

Hey @AnonymousToe,

Thank you so much for sharing this post with us. I'm really glad that you could reach out here, because I know you said you wern't too sure where you could 'put' these feelings or who you could talk to about them How are you feeling today?

I had to listen to someone talking in detail about the exact method I’d been thinking about. I should clarify this is all old stuff - I was thinking about doing it a long time ago. I had to hear about it today. It’s just made me feel really weird and i dont know what to do with myself

That makes so much sense, and I can imagine it feeling conforting to all of a sudden be hearing those details that felt hugely familiar of an old time in your life when you'd been struggling a lot. And also to be in a lecture hall too - a place where you HAD to listen, and couldn't necessarily step away. I hear you, and I can imagine that feeling really hard.

You mentioned you feel really weird and you've got a triggered feeling too - how has that been over the past few days? Would you say its a feeling of 'weird' physically in your body, or more emotionally (or both)?

We're here for you, Annonymous Toe, and please know its also okay for you to not know all the answers right now about what is happening, what this feeling is about, or how to move through it. You're already taking such a positive step by talking about this